I’ve just bailed off an email list where several of the regular posters went out of their way to be snippy and snarkey to anyone who isn’t an old-time regular, or, for that matter, anyone who did anything they didn’t like – like, for example, having a fancy sig line. It was like a bunch of kids ganging up on someone who’s a little different.
I don’t get this. I just can’t understand why people seem to get so much pleasure out of making fun of people and deliberately distorting their statements. And heaven help you if you disagree with anything the regulars say.
I voted with my feet and walked away from it all. But I feel really sorry for some of these folks. I’ve tried the anger thing, and it didn’t make me happy – just angry. And with this little rant, I’ve got this off my chest and don’t need to worry about those sour, mean-spirited bitches anymore.
Life’s too short for me to waste my time on them.
(Well, it’s the Pit, I had to use SOMe profanity, even in a lame mini-rant.)
Some people just use email lists, bulletin boards, etc to exercise their aggression. You see it here on the SDMB too.
It’s safe and anonymous. The chances of getting physically attacked are minimal and some people think that the usual social norms and behaviours don’t apply. So you get individuals who would otherwise appear as pleasant, sociable people in real life behaving like jerks.
It’s similar to “road rage”. The barrier of two vehicles is enough to prevent any exchange being a personal interaction. So people can react in a manner that is not acceptable behaviour in other social encounters.
But the OP is right to feel sorry for them. Either these people are obnoxious in real life, and their online behaviour is just an extension of that, or they’ve got personal issues in real life that they can’t or won’t address there. These issues may be really minor, or may be really significant. Whatever, they’ve got personality problems that are their problems.
So your always best leaving them to wallow in their own mess. Don’t let them drag you in and poison your life too.
I think a lot of people like this were bullies when they were kids, and they’ve found a way to keep on doing it (and getting away with it) as adults.
I’m the moderator of a small list myself, and when we see the signs of this type of behavior starting up (fortunately infrequently as many people on the list actually know each other IRL), we ‘nip it in the butt’ as my former boss used to say. When you have a large list with a lot of people who are strangers to each other, it can be really hard to control. If only there were a way to sign up all these people up to a single list together and then watch 'em battle it out …
I have been a member and a moderator on a number of lists over the last several years. There is ALWAYS someone who has regular asshole attacks on these lists…the larger the list, the bigger the jerk pool.
When I first noticed this happening, I felt bad for the targets and then I got mad that someone was putting turds in MY email (you can almost never just skip over the more odious posts before you’ve read some). I refer to this as spatter.
I severely limit my listing these days. Other than a moderator who has zero tolerance for meanness and boots off offenders, there’s no way to avoid it that I have found. The only thing you can do is skip posts from regular offenders and (if you digest), skip digests when there is a fracas going on. Why these people never take this to private email is beyond me…they must have to have the audience for their snottiness to give them the full jolt. Allt heir typing fingers should cramp!
I had fun playing head games with them for about a year. Havent you noticed that it is actually a lot more civil since we got the FAQ restarted? … Or weren’t you reading it prior to say January?
<and I use the same name there as well…I play on Sol Ro, Stromm and Antonius Bayle, and am also a guide on a server I will not name>
I’ve seen one relatively small (about a dozen members) list splinter into two camps, and finally two separate lists, when one faction formed around people who decided they despised me and another member so much they’d nasty us out. Given the level of sniping, viciousness, and all-around cruelty displayed by the folks pursuing the purge, and the civilized courtesy of the group that finally exited with me, I can’t regret it too much. But it was horrible to live through – like trying to cope with a pack of adolescent girls in full clique-mode.
Another list I was on for a while was larger, and (unlike the first) open to anyone rather than invitation-only. Its niche was trailriding, and when it stuck more or less on topic, it was quite enjoyable. But several determinedly preachy Christians started spamming the list with email-chain-forward glurge – pwecious stowies, prayers to share, Hillary-is-Satan, and so forth – and the mods did nothing to rein them in and get the list back on-topic. I finally bailed when one of the long-timers, who’d always stuck to sensible messages with good stuff to contribute on the main interest, started posting the same crap.
I think any list that’s open to the public at large will attract a number of jerks, idiots, preachers, fanatics, and get-a-lifers who’ll pollute the discourse with sludge unless the mods are diligent. Even small private invitation-only lists can implode, as I found to my sorrow. OTOH, the Rebel Alliance that emerged from that fiasco is alive, well, and tighter friends than ever.
