Meddling, GUTLESS co-worker - A Rant.

The BBQ Pit
1

Some of you may remember a few months ago, when I ranted about a jealous, pathetic, petty co-worker who was complaining about my old crappy lapop? Well, she’s at it again. (Quick re-cap - I work with developmentally disabled people. We usually call them our “clients”. We work in residential homes, giving care to these clients. We can bring books or laptops or whatever to work to while the time, since part of our job is glorified babysitting.) Anyway, in my last Pit Rant, this particular co-worker complained to the supervisor because I brought a laptop to work. There was no basis for her complaint, other than I had something she didn’t (a skill for computers, and an ancient Pentium laptop.) So she’s a petty, pathetic person.

Well, this time it’s what I cook. We have to prepare meals for the people in our care. Nothing fancy, just ordinary stuff. Lots of “Hamburger Helper”, stuff like that. Well, I’m a vegetarian. But I am not trying to make anyone else vegetarian, particularly not our clients, who have no choice or voice in what I prepare them to eat. But granted, I don’t cook the greatest meat dishes, so they get hot dogs, hamburger, tuna, maybe a little baked chicken, stuff like that. But it’s MEAT, OK? It is animal flesh. Stuff I don’t eat myself. (And I hasten to add, I am restricted to what foodstuffs are in the house - and often all that is there is the crappiest, cheapest junk available. And the person who is in charge of the food shopping is, you guessed it, this particular meddling co-worker.)

So, the meddling co-worker (according to another co-worker friend, who is a reliable source) “suspects” that I am not feeding the people enough meat. She “suspects” this, so she wants to have a “secret” meeting, with everyone who works with the people in our care - EXCEPT me. I would not even know of the meeting. I guess she wants to “discuss” what to do with - whatever. Well, this friend gave me the heads-up on this, so I will probably talk to the supervisor tomorrow and clear everything up. And hopefully not confront the meddling co-worker. I don’t want to deal with her, she is nuts, not worth reasoning with. But I just have to rant this one thing, and since there’s no use telling her, I’ll do it here:

You are a PATHETIC, GUTLESS woman. What? You couldn’t just ask me? I wouldn’t have been offended. If you were concerned, just ask. I’ve never come off as someone who thought they were beyond reproach. But NOOOOO - why do that, why make a gentle query, when you can make a BIG HONKING DEAL of it, and arrange secret meetings behind my back? What kind of pathetic, haven’t-got-a-life person are you? What the HELL is your fricking PROBLEM!?!?!

I have no respect for gutless people who can’t even confront someone when they have a concern. But they have enough “guts” to talk all about the “concern” to everyone else in secret - oh yes - ]that they can do. :rolleyes: I CANNOT stand this trait. I think you are beyond contempt. No, you are not some evil person, but you are petty, and small, and there is no use trying to reason with you. You are 47 years old, presumably with many life experiences. But if you haven’t learned this basic thing yet, I am not going to be the one to teach you. I will just be as civil as I can to you, in a working environment, because I don’t need to grief of a big melodramatic fight (that I’m sure you’d probably get a lot out of - Drama Queen.) This job doesn’t pay me enough to deal with your emotional weirdness, so I’ll just tune you out as much as I can, and just get on with my job. But as far as I am concerned, you are in the permanent “nutcase” category. Not worth trying to reason with, the kind of person I smile at politely, and then m-o-v-e away s-l-o-w-ly.

Well, whew. That felt a little better, anyway!

Anyone else want to share horrible co-worker rants?

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Not enough meat, eh? I would gather that, like most American “households,” these folks are severely OVERFED meat. They could certainly do with a little less. (I have a friend who’s brother is autistic and is in a group home. He is certainly overfed. He gets good care, IMO, but he likes to eat and the folks who work there do indulge him.)

I have another friend who’s live-in girlfriend is a vegetarian and she won’t cook meat for him. If he wants meat he has to cook for himself or go out to eat. I think it’s wonderful that you cook some meat for these people, but NOT ENOUGH. I don’t think so.

Sounds like your co-worker needs slapped.

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yosemite, I would suggest a conversation with your boss and this co-worker at the same time. Talk with you boss first and have him/her call in the cow and tell her to STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU and remind her that she is not your boss! Good gawd almighty, get a grip, woman (not you, her)! Man, what a :wally. Good luck!

4

Sounds like she wants to be bitch-slapped.

So, you cook your clients chicken, hot dogs, tuna etc…sounds like a normal American meal to me. Nothing wrong nutritionally speaking, lots of veggies, which is a good thing, pasta from the Hamburger Helper - loaded with carbs.

What a meddling bitch. Good luck with your meeting.

5

It sounds like you handle your own dietary choices in a very professional manner. It also sounds like your loser coworker needs to be replaced with a dietary nutritionist who can make better food choices for your clients.

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Just a suggestion – you weren’t invited to this meeting. Why not show up anyway? And if Heavy Meddle Bitch avoids the question of why the meeting was called, bring it up yourself. Truly, not a way to avoid the melodrama, but it could be so much fun!

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Yosemite, I’ve worked with developmentally disabled. Seems that there are two kinds of people drawn to this career path. You, and HER. You’ve got a grip, you are willing to oblige your clients because it is what is best for them, with the resources at hand even if it is contrary to your personal lifestyle. I admire that.

Then, there’s the Meddlin’ Bitch. She needs to control you, and I bet she’s a shithead to the clients. She makes sure she treats them like 3 year olds instead of adults with serious ( or profound ) challenges. How close am I?

I agree with Bunnygirl. Do a meeting with the boss, and with M.B. Make it very clear all around who the boss is, and what the priorities are.

Good luck.

Cartooniverse

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Thank you ALL! You are great, and have brought up good points. I will definitely be talking with the supervisors. I don’t have enough information about this “meeting” (or if there will ever even be one) but it would be great if I showed up anyway! (I don’t know if I should, but it is fun to think about it!) :smiley:

Cartoon - yes, you have it mostly right. As far as I know, M.B. is fairly OK with the clients, but I don’t know what she’s like behind closed doors. One thing I know, she talks more sharply and scolds them in a way that I don’t.

I have to go to work in a few minutes, to face the M.B. Wish me luck!

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Hey Yosemitebabe-

I came to this forum [to complain] when I noticed your post…

I too have worked with the developmentally disabled.
Oddly enough, MOST of the counselors at the group home in which I worked were vegetarians, (including myself), while the clients, on the other hand were not.
This was never an issue- not one of the vegetarian counselors had a problem preparing meat for the clients.
In fact, the omnivorous counselors lauded those staff members for the ability to put preference aside for the sake of duty.

To address your complaint:

Some folks with whom I have worked [in the DD field] were petty and two-faced.

In a situation to which you may relate, Yosemite, secret meetings were held about a counselor, (let’s call her ‘Jane’), for her alleged ‘inappropriate response’ to a large male client, (call him ‘Jim’), who became violent and physically threatened a diminutive microcephalic client. Note that during the altercation, Jane, (petite in her own right), was physically threatened. Note also that the meetings were held at the behest of a (pain-in-the-ass) male counselor,(‘John’).

Most of us were outraged by all the covert behavior and decided to make public all of the issues in question at the next scheduled meeting.

Though Jane knew about some of the secret meetings [about her], she was secure in her actions and behavior
during ‘the incident’, and therefore chose NOT to “crash” the clandestine gatherings.

Even at the scheduled meeting, when she took the opportunity to speak on the matter, she did so in a confident, understated manner. This proved to be very effective, as it led to John’s undoing of himself! He made himself look like a complete ass as he stumbled over his own assertions!

So, Yosemite, my suggestion, (based on two assumptions: 1)some coworkers have allied with you; and 2)there are upcoming meetings to which you ARE invited :wink: ), is to consider not appearing at the secret meeting. Let the Meddlin’ Bitch say what she wishes- really, she is probably unhappy with her own chaotic life and requires conflict to feel secure.
People who “protest too much” are eventually, (and deservingly), dismissed.

When the opportunity comes to defend yourself, consider a reserved, self-assured approach. Rely on the supportive interjections of your allies, and the ability of the loudmouth to spout verbal diarrhea, diminishing her own credibility.

Good luck!

Now, I’m off to complain (in a completely irrational manner) about stupid shit!

10

Thanks Nisan, thanks everyone. I can tell you know exactly where I’m coming from!

I talked to my co-worker friend again, the one who gave me the “heads up” on this whole thing.

M.B. has a history of starting trouble over petty shit. My friend doubts that any secret meeting will take place, since it is so obviously petty and silly. (Why not just talk to me for a few minutes? I’m completely reasonable. No need for frickin’ secret meetings!) My friend tells me (and I agree) that the supervisors tolerate M.B., but ignore most of her complaints. Sort of like in one ear and out the other.

M.B. can cause trouble, though, if I’m not careful. She can gossip and backbite and snipe, just for the helluvit. But (if I say so myself) I think I am more articulate than her, and less irrational, so as long as I communicate with the supervisors, she shouldn’t be able to do much damage. (I hope.) I have no intention of confronting her, because she is not rational. Anything I tell her would become warped in her own little mind, and any logic or reason I presented her would be ignored. A complete waste, and probably even would cause even more trouble, since she might try to retaliate or cause more trouble for me out of spite.

As things stand now, at least we are able to work together with some modicum of civility and politeness - even if it is an illusion. It’s better than an environment crackling with hostility and tension. I just want to put in my day’s work, and not have to think about her BULLSHIT. They don’t pay me enough to deal with that crap.

I will probably be talking to the supervisors in the next few days. I think it’ll be OK, but I just HATE this kind of stuff. M.B. is someone who doesn’t have any hobbies or interests (outside of gossiping at work) and she just loves to stir up trouble to pass the time. What a pitiful thing to do.