Oh no, I liked that, thank you. I was confused because I was having a hard time remembering the typical normal for sodium and couldn’t figure out how far out of whack your patients would be.
Sorry for so many posts in a row.
This was a hospital right spang in the midst of the north cough cough western cough section of Brooklyn near… not going to say.
I am sure there are equally bad hospitals out on Long Guyland, though I hope I never find out.
I wasn’t aware at that phase of my life that I was going to be a pathologist someday (thought Path was the God-given segment of lectures where I could go to sleep; why, they even turned down the lights to show microscope slides!), so I never read it. I will venture to guess, from the laziness of that hospital, that they never cultured it or opened it or did anything at all. Likely wrote down “Burt botel” and threw it out.
You’re really kind and I’m glad you weren’t bored.
If Dr. Demento was in charge of them, they would be way out of whack.
Fortunately he had reached the stage in his life in which we interns, who were total beginners, took care of the IV fluids on his patients in the ICU, and he only operated.
Eesh.
Ah, it’s always so good when QtM weighs in from his unbelievable worklife.
Malacandra, I think there’s your sig.
Nah - no worries. I just wanted to revel in the colon-stuffing, mucus-encrusted storytelling goodness (did I actually just type that?!) that was **gabriela’s ** post chain, while you were focused on getting your questions answered…sorry’s all around…
Well, if the good Doctor is willing… 
gabriela and QtM always have the best stories. 
From The Onion story:
And Dopers will live to be entertained for another day.
So, if your loving relationship with your farm tractor ends, do you send it a Dear John or a John Deere letter?
WTF? Did he force them up with another object, like an ahem muzzleloader?
They would be using a Peterbilt with a belt running the silo blower.
And where they cooked or uncooked?
The rare situation involving urethral insertion where ‘limp noodle’ can be considered a technical term.
"He needed aggressive urethral dilation"
I never knew such a thing existed. I don’t want it, but I’m strangely fascinated. Forget the $500 fine; this should be the new penalty for littering.
That made me laugh harder than anything else in this thread!
Although, brava gabriela!
Yess…although…I’m given to wonder; was your department head so gung ho to cut that he didn’t bother with a gastro consult? I mean, unless the bottle had made it up past the cecum (doubtful) there’s no real reason it couldn’t have been removed scopically via snare, right?
How dare you call Spider Webb a he.
You’re showing your youth, young lady. In the early 80’s scopes were still dubious and tentative equipment. Nobody did laparoscopic gall bladders. Interventional radiology was still crowing about their ability to stop bleeding from some vessels, some of the time, by pushing a coil up to the source.
If there had been a scope with a snare at HellHole, which is doubtful, Spider Webb wouldn’t have known how to use it in 1983. (I am sure that if she is still in practice, she is as skilled as any expert surgeon.) But she sure knew how to cut.
I wonder what happened to Psycho Chief.
He may have, er, calmed down after getting out of our residency. We used to have a saying - “This program builds character!” (stop and look around for eavesdroppers) “Just look at the characters it’s built.”
Indeed.
Thanks for the bravas (bravae), friends.
Okay, gabriela, I’ve tried to resist but can no longer: Did UHaul Hospital have a beautiful view? 
A couple weeks ago, I transcribed both the GI consult and the surgical report about a guy who shoved an Old Spice bottle up his ass. They wound up having to remove it laparoscopically, and he had to have a colostomy.
What the heck is it with cheap cologne bottles?
My favorite was the guy with the cock ring. They had tried everything to get that puppy off, even called in the Fire Department to bring some form of stronger cutting device. I can’t remember how they eventually got it off. That dictation sort of peeved me, though, because it’s difficult to transcribe a report when the doctor won’t stop giggling.
I like the (possibly UL) story about the guy who inserted a lubed-up lightbulb on a bet and, three days later, has passed neither the lightbulb nor anything else. So they take him in and make him assume the kneeling position, introduce lots of oil and then slipped three Foley catheters, each with a balloon secured to the end, around the lightbulb. They inflated the balloons and applied gentle traction to the Foleys and waited for about ten minutes until the anus dilated enough to permit the passage of the lightbulb and (as I remember the phrasing) “a torrent of faecal matter”.
Heh. Three days’ worth of backed-up poop exiting through a hole temporarily widened to over 2" diameter… :eek: