Mediocre at Best, or,

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Since all this sadness, I’ve been doing a little personal assessment. Although I read MPSIMS and ICU just about every day or two, I’m just an occasional poster. I’ve been involved in a few flame wars, but they left me feeling very unhappy with myself, so I try to avoid the flame threads. The Great Debates take too much time for me to really get very involved. General Questions are interesting, so I read that sometimes, but I mostly stick to MPSIMS and ICU.

I’ve made a few good posts, but very few, and rarely have they sparked any onslaught of insight, witticisms, or even provoked much thought. I think Wally said something nice to me once or twice, but I can’t remember when or where. I was going to ask him for a sig line, but I never got around to it, and now it’s too late.

Often, I’ve wanted to share something personal, have done it once or twice, but I usually stop myself. I’m not a big contributor, so I know I’m fairly irrelevant. Forgive me if it sounds otherwise, but I’m not asking for any obligatory “BUT I LIKE YOU” posts. It just the fact, so I’m not asking for that kind of attention.

My point is this: I spend a fair amount of time perusing this board, watching TV, talking about pointless things on the phone, all the while, I’m neglecting something in real life. I realize that if I died tonight, my friends would find someone else to gossip with, NBC, ABC, and CBS wouldn’t even notice, and my living & dying wouldn’t even be a blip on your life. Because I spend work time reading the web, my friends and coworkers think I’m a slacker. My epitaph from them would be, “she could have done better.” My kids and my husband would say, “I wish we had more time with her”.

Everything I do I do halfway because it’s at the expense of something else I could be doing. Therefore, I’m a mediocre mommy, wife, worker, friend, poster, etc., blah, blah, blah.

Damn.

Why do anything if you can’t really do it well enough to be noticed and remembered for it?

I don’t really have a point to all this. Just throwing it out there to the universe.

-Katy

2

“My epitaph from them would be, “she could have done better.” My kids and my husband would say, “I wish we had more time with her”.”

—So DO better! SPEND more time with them! We can’t drag you off the sofa and force you. I don’t want to sound mean, but now that you’ve identified the problem, you gotta go out there and fix it. 90 percent of people never do a damn thing with their lives, at least you’ve realized that and want to remedy it.

3

{{{{{{Okatym}}}}}}}}}

We all feel like this from time to time. Don’t sweat it.

Try to live to your expectations, but keep in mind we are usually harder on ourselves than anyone else.

It’s good to reevaluate what’s important in your life, and I’ve discovered that it’s people, not things.

As a whole, every member of the SDMB is important, or it wouldn’t exist. You’re not judged or valued on how witty you can be (Thank God :slight_smile: ) or I certainly wouldn’t be here!

Cheer up hon.

4

When I went to university I thought I was the cleverest girl ever, because I insisted, against the wishes of the staff adviser, on taking two majors. Two is better than one! I just wanted more really.

It seemed like such a great idea, there was no holding me back. After two years I realized the error I had made, I couldn’t get much satisfaction from either because neither had my undivided attention. I wasn’t putting my ‘all’ into either one.

You have done a good job of analysing your situation but now you need to act.

5

Katy, close your browser and go do some work, or go hug your husband and kids if you’re at home. Get going girl, you have work to do! Get out there and live, talk to people, do the things you have thought about but just haven’t got around to. Go for it! Of course, it’s easier said than done, but you can do it. Life is too precious to waste. If you’re bored with the way you’re living, try something else.

6

God Katy, I think you are a peach! I always look for your name, in fact, I only opened this thread because it had YOUR name on it!

You sound a bit tired, maybe a bit bored too. The sun is shining, its summertime, you will feel better soon. As for the spending time with the family, by all means, put them first, but they will let you know when they want some space.

This is a recreational thing, like meeting friends for a beer, or reading the paper. It is exercise for your mind.

I often feel like I would be a better employee if I didnt have kids, or a better mother if I didnt have to work, a better sister if I didnt spend so much time with Angie, a better friend if I spent less time with my brother…

You will never satisfy everyone.
BUT I LIKE YOU!!