I don’t have a dog in the fight. I don’t believe in ghosts, so I think this is therefore a delusion due to some psychological or neurological issue, a message board lie, or a case of someone pulling the wool of a young woman’s eyes in the most elaborate multi-year prank I’ve heard of that didn’t involve money.
But I do want to say something serious to Meenie7. I have two cousins who are schizophrenics. I don’t claim to be an expert in the disease, but I do know their symptoms – in retrospect – clearly began in their late teens/early twenties, and they did so in ways that merely seemed ‘eccentric’ to outside observers.
One of them, my female cousin, believed fervently that a rock singer was sending her messages in his albums. She was a fan of this singer and at first this obsession seemed harmless. It didn’t take over her life … at first. Both channelled their ‘imaginations’ into creative pursuits; a good thing, certainly. We encouraged these outlets. But as years went on, the delusions grew worse. This is thirty years later and one of them is now leading a medicated but reasonable life after years of being a danger to himself and others; the other (the rock singer fan) is out on the streets somewhere, alas.
My cousins didn’t start out walking around their buildings with guns, or rambling incoherently raging about implanted chips and being watched by spy satellites and being repeatedly molested by every member of our family and being the grandchild of Tsar Nicholas/daughter of Martha Stewart and being targetted by the 9/11 terrorists. That’s what they became, later in life, because they were untreated and refused to accept help while some of their faculties were still intact. Their illnesses refused to let them consider that the fantasies were merely delusions.
My point is not to terrify you. My point is to say that the thing about delusions, or really almost all mental illnesses, is that they are by their very nature self-perpetuating. Some are like emotionally abusive, jealous lovers – they’re clingy and desperate to maintain their grasp on you. They’ll tell you anything to maintain the status quo and keep you from breaking free.
Depression works that way; clinically depressed people are often rendered too paralyzed and hopeless to seek help. Schizophrenia does the same thing, but its own whispers are even more deafening: Look how everyone is against us, it tells you. No one understands but you and I. We’re a team. You’re perfectly fine, it’s everyone else who’s hateful and hurtful. They’re out to destroy what makes you you. I’m the only one who really cares, I’m the only one who’s out for your best interests. I’ll protect you the way they can’t.
So when ‘Marcus’ tells you something comforting – as you wrote in your last message – please, please consider that this may be the insidious, poisonous siren song of something that really really wants to convince you not to seek help and thereby end its existence. Put it this way: if ‘Marcus’ were really a ghost, then your going to a shrink or neurologist shouldn’t bother him; he should know that he’s not going anywhere just because you’re checking out your health status. If he really cared about you, he’d want you to make sure you’re okay.
But if he’s a delusion, it won’t let you go without pulling out every trick in the book to convince you ‘Marcus’ is real, and thus to ensure you avoid seeking help. Because that threatens ‘his’ existence.
Don’t let such a phantom win, Meenie7. Please rule out the possibilities that are mentioned here.
Whatever happens I wish you health and peace.