I have major trust issues and I have a very difficult time letting anyone get close to me. I’ve always felt that letting my guard down and being emotionally vulnerable was simply an invitation for certain pain. It’s actually a condition called Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD), but that’s a topic for another day.
In my 39 years, I have only lowered my guard completely for three people. Each of them was the kind of friend that most people are lucky to know even once in a lifetime! I developed a deep trust and genuine platonic love for each of them. But I also suffered losing two of those friendships and the pain will never completely go away.
One was due to a very unfair and unethical work situation. I worked for a company for four years until one of our clients recruited me to join their team. The company I was leaving had an very strict Non-Disclosure/Non-Compete Agreement that they required all new employees to sign. IT was challenged in court twice before I went to work and the court ruled that it was not enforceable for multiple reasons. My position as the Controller also made me the de facto HR Manager, so I filled out all of my own new hire paperwork. I skipped over the Non-Compete and didn’t sign it but left it unsigned in my file. Not only had two judges ruled it useless twice before, but I had never signed it nor was there any proof that I had ever seen it!
Because I went to work for one of their customers (and could have exposed how they lied and ripped off my new employer in the past), they were determined to make my life a living Hell! My best friend for the four years I worked there was a wonderfully witty, intelligent and kind-hearted lady named Caroline. She was 12 years older than me, divorced with two young daughters, but we just ‘clicked’ from the moment we met. Unfortunately, her evil sister (who she despised) and brother-in-law owned the company we worked for! The company also paid a 30% down payment on her home so almost 1/3 of her house was owned by the evil empire! When they started their attack on me, they instructed everyone at the company that they were prohibited from having any contact with me and anyone who did would be terminated immediately! They also accused me of stealing $5000 in gift certificates in an attempt to ruin my reputation and they even went so far as trying to press legal charges. It took nine months, but I eventually tracked down every single gift card they accused me of stealing and, with store security footage, I proved that the owner of the company and his wife (the one’s who were accusing me) were the ones who spent them!!! I sued them for defamation of character (slander and libel, since they spoke the lies and put them in writing) and won a $50k judgement against them that I never collected…
I didn’t care about the money, all I wanted was to clear my name and I did that. But because of her impossible situation (related to the evil owners, they owned part of her house), she and I never spoke again. That happened in 2006-2007 and it still hurts like it was yesterday.
The other friendship lost happened years earlier, when I was only 19 (in 1994). I worked at a religious bookstore (I was still trying to “pray out the gay” at that point) and I quickly became best friends with another employee. He was seven years older than me, but we were like brothers and it felt like we’d known each other forever. I was still struggling with the idea of being gay and trying to reconcile that with my religious beliefs at the time. As our friendship continued, he eventually confided in me that he was ‘confused’ about his sexuality as well. I was still a virgin and one night, even though I never had any sexual feelings toward him, we fooled around. I knew the next day that our friendship had suffered irreparable damage but didn’t know the extent….
Within a month, he had started dating the pretty blonde girl who also worked with us and within two months they were unofficially engaged! At that point, he felt obligated to fully disclose what happened between us. She demanded that he turn in his notice the following day and that he never speak to me again! I never saw or spoke to my best friend (of the past two years) again…
Last Thursday, I got a call from the insurance agency where I worked until early 2012. My cousin still works there and she got a phone call from someone claiming to be an old friend of mine trying to reach me. It was my friend Rob (not his real name) that had shunned me 20 years ago!!! His divorce from the blonde bitch was final three weeks ago and he was begged for my forgiveness for how he treated me. I told him that I had forgiven him long ago and that I still mourned our lost friendship.
Long story short, we’ve talked three times since then and we’re meeting for dinner tonight!!! I’m getting my friend back after 20 years…
I’m very excited and actually a little nervous. He must pay for his betrayal at some point, but I’m putting vengeance aside for now so I can welcome my long lost friend back into my life! Actually, I’m joking about making him pay, but I have already warned him that if he ever screws me over again, he and everyone he loves will be begging for death! =)
Hope the reunion is what you want it to be.