Meeting pimps

I’ve fucking had it up to here! Does salutey thing with hand

I’ve fought the meeting pimps and they have won. I surrender. I will now submit to spending my entire work week in a conference room listening to how I should be spending more time working.

I spent two hours yesterday in an office watching a doctor navigate through an app.He could have e-mailed me his thoughts, but instead I had to listen to him drone away. Today I went to a one-hour meeting out in West Assrape, which, with travel time, ate up my entire morning. To get information which could have been e-mailed. Tomorrow is a one-hour meeting that will no doubt run for two and a half hours, and eat up my entire afternoon. My entire contribution during that time will be “I’m still working on it.” And now I find out that on Friday I have to be in a seven fucking forty five for a department meeting. Seven forty five? Owls aren’t even awake at that hour. What in the holy hell is so goddam important that I have to get up in the middle of the night to sleep through it?

Memo to managers: Get a fucking hobby already.

… oh. I thought this was going to be about life in the big city, in certain parts of town, late at night…

Yeah, me too.

Please, don’t suggest late at night.

Hey! I rather enjoyed my introduction to Huggy Bear. He’s a heckuva nice guy.

Its a sad day when you have to call in sick and work through VPN just to get out of productivity-sucking meetings and still meet your project(s) deadlines. And Conferance Calls are just as bad. No Worse, because then the Bastards want you to dial in on your sick-days too.

“Do you have a cellphone? Then you should be dialed in…and stop whining about ‘but I’m driving’. Its always about you isn’t it?”

Hey Baybee… looking fine there… got some information for me don’t cha? I know you do Bitch! Don’t tell me to RTFM! Come on now be cool … don’t hold out on Dr. Sugar Bear… now come here and gimme that hands on handholding you do so well. Yeah… that’s it…that’s right… come to meeting sweet stuff.

TDN, don’t make me smack you upside the head, you know I hate to have to do that.

Now get your ass back on the street and get me my money, bitch.

Yeah, that’s pretty much what it feels like.

But at least with conference calls, you can still work as long as you go “hmm-mmm” every once in a while, and as long as no one can hear you clickety-click.

Good god…conference calls. I’m the guy in the conference call who tunes out until he hears, “Inigo, what did you have in mind for addressing that?”

Good thing I can sling lingo and double talk my own projects foreward & back! Usually works out to, “Ya, the new job aid has that caability already–but it’s really more of a visual solution and is hard to explain over the phone what with me being an idiot and all. Stop by my desk later and I’ll show it to you.” In group meetings I’m screwed though. So I put on my stoner face and say, “uh…what was the question exactly?” They’d fire me if I wasn’t so damned good at making that “80-yard field goal” when they rephrase the question for me.

Man, I feel bad for you. West Assrape is seriously the worst part of the Greater Forcible Sodomy metro area.

Huggy Bear wasn’t a pimp, Roster was…and he was a bastard.

Man , I feel for you. The worst thing about them is the one happy-ass dickhead who can’t stop asking stupid questions making it last even longer . I was gonna say : Where’s my money bitch ? But I was a little late. Oh well …

My wife has a solution to conferance calls: She plays ‘double-speak’ Bingo. Everytime someone uses a double speak term like ‘synergy’ or ‘leverage’, players check their cards. If they have it, they cover it with a paper-clip. If someone completes a line or row, they get to say “Bingo!” (or “Win-win!” if its a semi important call)

I should probably mention at this point that it seriously sucks when I shoot water out of my nose and onto my keyboard.

This might sound weird coming from me but Excalibre’s been in fine form lately. He’s been doing that all over the boards. And I know it’s not just me because another comment he made four other people quoted, too.


But we can talk about that at the next meeting.

Whoa! Do you think it’s wise to just go throwing around agenda items for the next meeting like that? I think we need to have a pre-meeting to determine the applicability of certain processes before we go ahead in a forward manner on these synergistic ideas.

Anyone else have the Clash playing in their head right now?