I just started working at a company a month ago. This is my first job after a 2 year sabbatical that I took to raise my child.
I work in high tech and this company is an extremely well known one, at the top of their Fortune 50 game. So I. Was thrilled to actually get in. It is a consulting position though.
So, I was brought in because the previous consultant had suddenly quit for health reasons and they were really behind on meeting a project deadline.
I came in and got the most urgent thing that was left hanging in the air completed in the first 10 days.
I have been attending various meetings with my manager and am trying my best to connect the dots and understand what’s going on.
I admit I have been absorbing informAtion in large group meetings or technical working sessions than actively participating. It’s another thing that I have no context of what the meetings are about- an invite just pops up in my calendar.
So last week I got an invite for a 3 hour meeting. No background whatsoever of who we are meeting and what it’s about.
As an aside, and not making excuses- I was down wih a cold and was feeling miserable too.
So as the meeting progressed, I grasped what it was about. But again, I didn’t speak up or ask questions. I did have some, but before I could ask them, some key else would.
Well, once we stepped out of the meeting, my manager went off on me. She started her rant in the lobby, saying “ok… I really need you to ask questions and not just absorb, a sorb, absorb”. Then she asked me to follow her to the office and shut the door and said " I expect you to ask questions, show leadership. How will you handle a your business users? I see you as a good note-taker and order-taker, but I’m not seeing any leadership. I’m worried for you. Do you understand d what’s going on? Do you connect the dots?" ( yelling all of this btw).
I said I did understand, and started to add that I did deliver something within 10 days of starting, I am speaking up at my project meetings, recently demanded that I take over a part of the project that was entrusted to someone else who wants actively doing anything about it, have already made a presentation to several groups of business folks worldwide… but I do need time to ramp up and pitch in when meetings are about things you guys have been working on for months!
But I didn’t say any of it… for some reason I said “if I’m not working out for you, let me know”. She was like no no … we are not even going there.
I have never got a bad performance review in 10 years of work in high tech, never been laid off, never failed at a project. So this was very humiliating to me.
I’m dreading going back to work tomorrow.
What do I do? I was tempted to just turn my badge in.
If I was wrong in not speaking up at all, from a manager’s perspective, I’ll accept that. I just want to know what a third person’s opinion would be.