The other mini-rants thread has grown to ginormous proportions, so here we go:
First, just because I just had to hit my fucking capslock for the 15th time in an hour – I pit morons who are supposed to be the “Access guru” who are too stupid or lazy to make the shit print out in allcaps, forcing those of us who have to use the fucking database and do the chat with customers to have to switch back and forth all fucking day long! Godsdammut. I have offered to fix the database for them. It’s what? 1, maybe 2 lines of SQL? But no, they don’t want me to “mess anything up” – guess who has their degree in CIS and is less likely to “mess anything up”? Morons.
While on the subject of the morons with whom I work – WTF is up with lying/cheating to make your numbers look better? WE DO NOT GET PAID ON COMMISSION. Fuck, AFAICT, our numbers don’t even really affect our fucking pay raises that much. You won’t look any better on your evaluation if you’re 40% above web instead of the required 20%. When I take a $1K order and the customer accidentally hangs up on me, do not create a new order and then try to apologise to me because you “didn’t know there was an order on hold.” We both know you’re full of shit because 1) the man told you he needed to complete an order his wife did earlier and 2) I sent out a godsdamned email about the dropped call because the dumb cunt gave me the wrong phone number and I couldn’t call her back! Oh, and when I say “whatever, it’s not an issue, just finish the order” don’t take that as an invitation to email 4 more times about how you “would never do that” to me. Seriously. WTF.
Now on to customers. Seriously, people, if you would just SHUT THE FUCK UP and LISTEN, instead of talking over me, you would know what I just said and won’t need me to repeat it 4 times. Ugh. What is up with that? It seems to be primarily a Jewish and Pennysylvania thing. Oh, and by the way – before anyone wants to get their panties in a wad about it how do I know they’re Jewish? They fucking tell me why they’re ordering the stuff and I don’t know any non-Jews who celebrate Purim or Bat or Bar Mitzvahs.
Here’s another one – if you don’t know your customer ID, just say so when I ask. It won’t kill you. WTF is the deal with people calling to order stuff and don’t know their customer ID, telephone number, postal code, name of the company or even if they have ever fucking ordered from us before? I could understand if it were your first day on the job, but when I pull up the account and you’re the fucking only person who has ever ordered from us and you order all the fucking time, WTF?
Ugh. And the dumb cunts who think I give a flying rat’s diarhetic ass that this is the first time they’ve started a business and they’re so excited and they named it after their best friend growing up because she was just so cool and they just know they’re going to be successful making gift baskets for people who have lost a hamster down the toilet while in Mexico on business for their ex-employer who is a drug runner cartel management firm named Peanuts in Poisin but who are so very depressed about the hamster. FUCK! I DON’T FUCKING CARE!!!
Ahhh, so much better, thanks!