Went to add my own irk producing nothings to the monthly mini-rant thread and saw that it was a full-blown bitchfest about customer service. So I’m starting my own thread about inconsequential, yet still irritating, crap.
Listen inconsiderate co-worker, after you’ve run off 10 copies of your ass to pass amongst your friends, please remember to set the copy machine back to 1.
Damn you heel spur. Damn you back to the muscle-tearing, early morning agony, expensive shoe shithole from whence you came.
Whatareya, remembering the 60 guy train you pulled last night? Close your friggen legs young woman. This is a two seater on this bus. Not a one seater plus room for the engorged balls you’ve decided to grow today. No, pushing at me with your knee will not make me stand up for the rest of the bus ride. Yes, I WILL tell you, out loud, to close your legs since nobody’s buying what you’re selling. Oh yeah before I forget: CLOSE YOUR MOTHERFUCKING LEGS.
Fuck my Public Speaking professor. Just because it’s in the book doesn’t mean you have to explain it to us like we’re idiots. We spent 15 minutes in class yesterday defining “internet,” “Google,” and “Web browser.” And a big “use your fucking heads!” to my classmates. Just because the idiot professor writes a definition of “Web browser” on the board doesn’t mean that you have to write it down. But hey, “straight from the horse’s mouth.”
This is the funniest thing I’ve read all day. I give it a platinum star.
Too keep with the rant theme:
Woman upstairs in the study carrel. Just COUGH and get it OVER WITH. These tiny throat-clearings you’re trying every two seconds are annoying and accomplish nothing. There are other people up here trying to get work done. Your phlegm does nothing but distract and irritate. If you do not either cough or move I will forcibly remove your windpipe from your body, thereby solving everyone’s problem.
Un-named source - Is it going to kill you guys to actually do a quick sanity check of your data? Every month you change the name of one of your 1500 data points FOR NO APPARENT REASON.
Since my applications keep a history of each of these points I have to spend two days just to babysit your garbage into my databases.
here’s an example - Daily files for the last three years contain data points -
Walley01
Walley02
Walley03
Starting Sept 01, 2007 and continuing daily the data points are now -
Walley01
Walley02
Walley3
Was it that fuckin important to remove the 0 in front of the 3?
Stupid, clumsy, fucking self for slamming my left foot into our bedroom’s cedar chest, and (apparently) cracking the bone in the little toe. No morning walks for me for a while I guess.
Klutz! Next time watch where you’re going. :smack:
To every girlfriend I’ve ever had, including the current one:
I’m sure it would make you feel like a princess if I could read your mind and always know what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling it, but this being real life and not a fucking fairy tale, that ain’t ever gonna happen. So when I ask you 3 times if anything’s wrong and you answer “no” each time, to me that means there’s nothing wrong. And when you finally get pissed enough 10 hours later to tell me there is something wrong, you’re the fucking idiot, not me, for playing stupid games. If you want to sulk around like a drama queen and not try to talk about it (and hence, make me feel shitty), you’re being a passive-aggressive bitch. Do I love you? Yeah. Does that mean we share some mystical connection that allows me access to whatever crazy shit’s going on inside your head at every second of the day? I think we both know the answer to that.
Doesn’t anybody make a nice media (DVD) storage cabinet with doors that will fit in a 13" deep by 41" high space that is a nice rich dark red or brown (almost black)? Anybody? Bueller?
Hey, HVAC repair neanderthal, do you understand you’re in a fucking office with people who, you know, work? Either go outside with the fucking Nextel and lower your and its volume so the rest of us can fucking think.
Preach it brother! And how about those times when you want a one word answer?
Him: Are you going to the event?
Her: Well Jaey called up and she needs a ride but her brotherandhisgirlfriendmightbegoingandInoticedtheotherdaythattlkjrqwerkltjhqr;qlwrkjhqrlrrl;k
Him:zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Fill out the fucking mockup request form, goddammit! Scribbling a name and making me find the other information, just pisses me off! I realize you’re all useless dimwits who only work here because you can’t find a good job, but this is a good job for me, so stopping fucking making my life difficult.
I could make this non-mini, so basically, STOP BEING ASSHOLES.
You know, dear husband, I enjoy listening to your tales, of work and other momentous events in your life. But if you don’t want me to interrupt you? How about you don’t come to an apparent conclusion and then pause for 30 seconds, thereby leading me to believe you’re all done, and then get all PO’d at me when I have the temerity to start talking about something else?
Ooooh, 30 seconds? That’s almost inside the “if you’re going to respond, please stick to the subject or at least segue smoothly into your new topic” boundary. Abrupt changes within this window can cause discomfort.
Kitten - stop biting me. I am not food. I am not prey. I will start biting you back.
You, there, at work. I’m stuck beside you all this week, which means I’m close enough to hear your unending monologue about your kid, your dog, and your digestive problems. Note that I am facing away from you and continuing my work. Note that I am not responding or engaging in conversation in any way. This means I am not listening. This means I do not want to listen. Please stop pretending you’re a radio tower and just broadcasting the inane details of your stupid life to everyone around hoping someone’s got a receiver on. Also: this is work. Somewhere upstairs is a doctor waiting for a result so he can treat a patient… and see, you’re supposed to do that test… on that tube sitting there in front of you for fifteen minutes while you talk to your daughter on the phone, work on next month’s schedule with 15 different colors of pretty gel-pens, or bitch in a stream-of-consciousness about management and how everyone’s out to get you. Just shut the fuck up and get some work done.
Remote control - why does the “volume up” button work perfectly, but for me to get the “volume down” button to work I need to push on it with both thumbs and turn you at a funny angle?
Dammit people! If you want to buy my car, buy it. If you don’t, let me know you don’t! Telling me two weeks ago, “Go ahead and take the ad out of the paper, because that car is gonna be *mine!*InJesusName” doesn’t translate to “I’m going to buy that car.” I know this, so I didn’t take it out of the paper.
But someone hurry it up already! I want to buy my Westy!
hey what the fuck is up with that anyhow? Love snookie to death, really, but somehow, if after he’s done talking about one thing or if I’m done talking about something and then I start a new conversation about something else, he can’t follow it.
like:
him: so, I finally finished the project for the customer and he came and picked it up.
me (after a pause) You remember we’re going to my brother’s this weekend?
or:
Me: I ended up having to go back to my other office because I’d left my planner there, really annoying.
pause, Me again “I’m stoping at the store later, do we need toilet paper?”
and he goes bug fucking nuts. (well, his laid back version of it.) Apparently before I am allowed to end one conversation topic and start another, I have to submit the request in triplicate and get the committees response first?
Look, I understand three-state logic. I understand that when a database entry is null, it’s not equal to anything. I can convolutedly understand the reasoning behind also making it not unequal to anything, either. But THAT IS NOT HOW MOST THINGS WORK! No matter how much database experience I have, once or twice EVERY COUPLE MONTHS I get an error due to making sure that one value is unequal to another value, and it runs into an error because NULL VALUES ARENT UNEQUAL TO ANYTHING! (They also aren’t equal to anything either!) I KNOW THIS. It’s also stupid!
