I have seen a joke one in a cartoon/photo somewhere online. It’s a picture of a plate of finished Chinese food. The portions of the opened cookie are in the plate and the little paper reads: “That wasn’t chicken.”
Ed Hanrahan for State’s Attorney
I assumed it was a left over from a political dinner.
I had one that said “You are the greatest in the world”. I took it home and put it on the fridge.
My wife threw it away.
Bitch.
That’s a joke. My user name means Bad Dog. So my wife would be a female dog. So a bitch. OK, I’m trying to hard…
The one I remember was: “Wisdom and beauty are seldom found in the same person.”
I assume it was leaving room for people to infer that they are one of those rare people with both. But I was left wondering if it was calling me stupid or ugly.
I remember reading about a company that was marketing Jewish Mother Fortune Cookies with strips that said things like: “You should be wearing a sweater.”
Once, long ago, I got a double fortune, two fortunes in one cookie…
The first one read “You are charming, intelligent and people naturally respect you.”
The second one read “Don’t believe everything you read”
There were six of us at dinner; they brought the check with a plate full of fortune cookies. One by one they were opened & read aloud. We all got The. Same. Fortune!
Then they realized they brought is the wrong check, so we get another plate of cookies with the corrected bill. I joked about the odds of getting the same ones again. I opened mine & lo & behold, it was the same one again! I threw it down on the table & let out a “Sonova…” (a bit louder than I expected as everyone in the restaurant looked over.)
Yeah, that took years to live down.
“You are no longer hungry.”
Most accurate fortune I’ve ever had.
In 1984, I ate at Chinese restaurants three times. All three fortune cookies were prophetic.
First was in April. A literary agent had taken a couple of us out to dinner. He asked about novels and I told him I was currently marketing one and he asked to see it. My fortune was “Your new business venture will be successful.”
He took me on as a client.
Second was in July or so. My fortune was “You will never have to worry about a steady income.” My job history had been a bit checkered up to then, including a year out of work. Since then, I have never gone more than a month or two without a job, even when I was laid off.
Finally, in September or so, we went for a third time. My fortune was “Soon you’ll be sitting on top of the world.” On November 7, my novel was accepted. On November 11, my daughter was born.
I cracked open this beauty once, “You should share your wisdom with others.” My sisters turned pale and shouted that this one was totally wrong, they were sick of me “sharing” my “wisdom” with random people.
“You will soon reach the end of this sentence.”
[COLOR=“black”][COLOR=“Black”]No I didn’t see it personally. This guy I know had a cousin whose next-door neighbor heard about it.[/COLOR][/COLOR]
From 1997- “You will talk to strangers on time-wasting forum.”
Swear to God.
How about this one from the Rescue Mission:
“There’s no such thing as a free meal.”
Long ago I was in a store in San Francisco that sold joke fortune cookies. Things like “You will be betrayed by your best friend.”, “You will die a lingering and painful death.” and so on.
A girlfriend bought a package for her office (she hated the boss, job and coworkers).
I’ve never gotten an interesting fortune cookie- but years ago, my Mom got one that said (no joke) “You will pass water before you cross water.”
I never asked her if that one came true.
“She’s pregnant. It isnt yours. Your lucky numbers are 6, 12 , 13, 25 and 29”
(No one at the table was pregnant or has been since)
In the early 1990s, I was at a Chinese place with a friend, and mine said, “You or a close friend will be married within a year.” She got married 10 or 11 months later. Unfortunately, they got divorced 10 years later; they have two children together. It was one of those things where, looking back, they weren’t as well matched as everyone thought they were. 
My favorite said, “All your dreams will come true by the end of summer.” I appreciate the audacity.
Of course, it didn’t say which summer.
I once got a cookie with no fortune in it at all. Freaked me out just a little.
“Your many positive attributes attract others. Be sure to use them.”
The ambiguity of “them” caused me to keep this in my wallet for years.