Memorable Fortune Cookies

So, after having Chinese food (well, “Chinese” food, but that’s beside the point), I’ve received a couple of fortune cookies. One of them is possibly the first snarky/ slightly passive aggressive fortune I’ve ever gotten: “The odds of hitting your target go up dramatically when you aim at it.” Another time, at a restaurant, two people in my group got rare repeat fortunes: “No.” One other person at the table got a “Yes.”

So, are there any memorable fortune cookies you’ve run into over the years? Either funny, stupid, weird, or even (gasp) accurate?

As I swear to God, and I wish I had taken a picture of it at the time, but I actually did get once once that just said “Don’t panic.”

“You and your wife will be very happy in your life together.”

I’m a straight female.

“Bend to the will of the collective”

I kid you not.

“You have a bright future in computer technology”

I took a picture and texted to to a computer techie friend of mine. This one was not for me.

I forgot where, but the was a place that got their cookies from a company that had apparently gotten tired of the whole banal fortune thing, and started making absurdly specific fortunes.
A couple I remember
'Your flight next Tuesday, will be delayed"
“The tax deduction you are concerned about, will be allowed”

I got a double copy in one cookie that said, “Your lover will never leave you”. I showed it to my girlfriend at the time and she visibly stiffened…not a good sign! We broke up two weeks later. Then we got back together. Then we broke up. Then we got back together. Then we broke up for good. For a moment or two, I really thought that fortune would come true.

That’s an interesting business approach. On the one hand, it hardly ever works - but when it does, it’s awesome. And probably terrifying.

I got one that said, “You love Chinese food.” Well, duh.

I showed it to the cashier when we were paying and joked that they weren’t trying very hard. She laughed and tossed me another one.

I opened it as we were pulling out of the parking lot. It said, “You can have your cake and eat it too.”

Swear to God. I still have them.

When I was vacationing Ireland, our family got some really strange fortunes. Mine was “just because you think you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you”. We looked up the company, which brought us to this list.

My favorite is “We’re sorry, we had a message that would have changed your life forever,but the fat guy at table six got there first”

Edit: Here’s the company’s main site in case you don’t want to open a PDF:

Got a fortune a few months ago which read: "Happiness is around the next corner, wealth is just down the street."

Since I’d just been turned down for a job at a company just down the street, one that I was really counting on, that fortune kinda felt like a slap in the face. :dubious:

“You will soon inherit a large sum of money.”


You got two copies of the fortune.You broke up and got back together twice. The cookie was trying its best, but even cookies have limits, you know.

You are the crispy noodle in the vegetarian salad of life.

Kept that one in my wallet for several years.

“Accept the next proposition you hear.”

I laminated it between two pieces of Scotch tape and carried it in my wallet for years.

“God will give you everything that you want.”

I’m still waiting …

My sister, the first of us siblings to get married, once invited my dad over for dinner, and even made homemade fortune cookies. When he opened his, it said something like, “Your family is going to be bigger soon…Grandpa!” She waited eagerly for him to read it and gasp and congratulate her. Instead he glanced at it, smiled vaguely, and ate the cookie.

That’s when we realized he needed bifocals.

“You are setting an example that others will follow.”

To the guest of honor at a going away lunch for a co-worker.

The day my friend graduated from college, he was telling me about how he was a little scared. He didn’t have any immediate job prospects and didn’t really know what to do with his life. The future was one big blank.

He opens his fortune, and it’s completely blank.

One I assume was a misprint, but one that improved it…

“Your first love and last love is elf love”