Disturbing Fortune Cookies

What’s the most disturbing/bizarre fortune cookie you ever got at a restaurant?

Those dirty fortunes you can buy yourself don’t count- this is for those messages you got after finishing the General’s chicken, or the Moo Shu, etc…

Mine was-

Last Thursday, General Tso’s chicken with white rice-

“Our first love and last love is … Self love.”


Was this some sort of indication that I am not going to be getting any for a while?


Recently while mulling over the seemingly outrageous charge for the take-out dinner from a local Chinese restaurant I got:

“Society prepares the crime, the criminal then commits it.”


“All is not yet lost”

I had previously been unaware that things were going that badly…

I’ve seen this one on the board before, but I love it:

Woody Allen was complaining his luck is so bad he got one that said “You will be horribly mangled”

Penn and Teller in How to Play with Your Food prepared a fake fortune that read: “The chef spit in your food.”

“You will be hungry soon. Order a take-out.”

-Andrew L

“That wasn’t chicken”


Oh my god! I had the same fortune cookie once when I was having dinner with a friend of mine. And to make it even more funny is the topic of conversation at the time I opened the fortune cookie was how long its been since I had a date!:smiley:

I got an empty one once.


“Be prepared for the truth.”

My friend who got that fortune was paranoid all night that there was something we weren’t telling him.

Dude, I got the same one! Unfortunately, I also share your sentiments thereof. . .

And don’t forget to tack on those two famous words: “in bed”.

“You are the chosen one.”

My friend got this one one night at dinner. Surprisingly, being notified that he was akin to Jesus hasn’t gone to his head. Too much.

And blanx, I sure hope you weren’t playing the “…in bed” game with your fortunes that night. That could have been a bit embarrasing.

My crazy Greek neighbors- Big Betty, who’s about 4’8, 84, and her son, George- only go out for Chinese. Until Betty got a fortune that said, written in ink on the back, “Fuck you Yankee dog.” She just about had a heart attack.

“Look behind you.”

I’ve gotten empty cookies a few times. Once I got a blank one. Well, not totally blank, it did have a little smear of ink along one edge. It either means I have no future, or the printer is out of ink.

On a date:

“He loves you as much as he can, but he can not love you very much.”

It was so true, too. One of us got dumped that night.

In Australia, we have the ‘Kung Foo Sing’ brand fortune cookies. Every single fortune contains a warning on the back, something like “This fortune has been coated in plastic; do not consume”.

So one has a 50% chance of a mildly disturbing fortune when you first pull the bit of paper out of the cookie.

“You are going to die.”

And, of course, the follow-up:

“You are dead.”

(Extra points to those who get the reference.)

I saw the end of that episode, RC, but I don’t remember what it was an episode of. Spooky though.

I have also got the “all is not yet lost” fortune (still have it, actually), and the completely blank fortune (do not have it).

After that, the oddest was probably: “The laws sometimes sleep, but never die”

Or: “Duck!”