What’s the strangest/weirdest/funniest fortune cookie fortune you’ve gotten?
I have two on my wall that I received on consecutive days. They were rather disturbing at the time, but funny now.
The first read: “Someone can read your mind.”
The next one said: “It was nice talking to you.”
I’ve never gotten anything but cliches in my fortune cookies, but years ago, my Mom got one that got prophetical:
“You will pass water before you cross water.”
Well, my dad (who never eats Chinese food) pulled out the paper, and actually thought his fortune was:
“Learn to speak Chinese, (some Chinese Word) = Rice”
After I stopped laughing, I told him to turn it over. 
i once got a fortune cookie wrapper with no cookie. it was just a little inflated cellophane bag of air. the waiter didn’t even notice it didn’t have a cookie. i thought that was a very interesting fortune.
This fortune cookie wasn’t so much strange as apropos.
This one evening many years ago, I was planning on proposing to my girlfriend. We had Chinese, and compared fortunes. Her fortune?
“Accept the next proposal you hear.”
Fortunately for me, she did.
You will find your true love on Flag Day 
“Help–I am being held prisoner in a Chinese Fortune Cookie Factory!”
My two favorites:
“A good way to stay healthy is to eat more Chinese food.”
Way to plug your product, guys.
And then this one that just baffled me:
“Alas! The onion you are eating is someone else’s water lily.”
Last year, I was getting annoyed with my roommate, who was always complaining about things and never had anything positive to say about anything. So I got a fortune that said, “Avoid negative people.” I stapled it up on my bulletin board, to remind myself to get out of that room more often
-Andrew L
"Laws die.
Books never."
No, I didn’t get it either…
(I eat waaaay too much Chinese food, but that’s another story)
The one I got today read:
“Don’t be sad. You will never be first always.”
And as an added bonus (or maybe a legal maneuver to avoid litigation should I have felt suicidal after reading the first one) there was a second fortune, which read:
“True wisdom cannot be written”
Smart assed skeptic, Monkey man will make you believe!
I tape the good ones to my monitor at work. Among the best of the best:
Don’t forget, you are always on our minds.
It doesn’t matter. Who is without a flaw?
You are almost there.*
Ironically, I don’t even like Chinese food.
After I had proposed to my (now) wife, we called our parents, etc, and were all around happy. The next day, I had Chinese food, alone (she lived in another city). My cookie warned me,
“It is not too late to choose a different path.” :eek:
[Simpsons]
“We’re all out of ‘You will find happiness with a new love’!”
“Then start using ‘Stick with your wife’!” [/Simpsons]
“Because of your melodic nature, the moonlight never misses an appointment”
A white, snowball of a kitten adopted my wife and me one winter afternoon, but we refused to let it in the house. Later we went out for Chinese food agreeing that if the little six-toed fur ball was still on our doorstep when we returned, we would take him in out of the cold.
After the meal when I got my fortune cookie, it read, “There is happiness in your futrue.”
When we got home the kitten was still there so we name it “Futrue” (pronounced, we decided, Fut rue) hoping to make the prediction come true.
He was a nice enough cat, but really stupid. He kept getting lost and we would wander the streets shouting “Fut rue, Fut rue”. We got some pretty strange looks. Later, we realized that it probably sounded like a person with a weird speech impediment shouting “F#*k Y@#, F#k Y@”.
I work at a Chinese restaurant, we are allowed to eat as many fortune cookies as we want (it’s more of a curse then a gift). I have actually gotten most of the fortunes mentioned. However, I got one the other day that I had never gotten before. It said :
Huh?
The most bizarre one I ever got said something along the lines of “A wise man has long ears, large eyes, and a small mouth.” It made sense, but wise men must look pretty peculiar.
“You will be great”, I’m serious. and sure enough from then on I was.
The other week, my wife got:
You would make a good lawyer.
She passed the Bar nine years ago, but a little affirmation now and then never hurts.