(Unintentionally) Funny Fortune Cookie Fortunes

What’s the funniest fortune cookie fortune you ever saw? I’m talking about spelling or translation problems that result in a hearty chuckle, not intended by the author. BTW, are we really making use of those “lucky” numbers they give us on the back of the fortunes?

Personal favorite fortune (PFF):

“You have bright and shinning eyes.” :slight_smile:

Not really in the spirit of the OP, but my wife got one that read “You would make a good lawyer.”

She’d been practicing for 10 years at that time.

Hilarity ensued.

about five years ago I went several days without sleep while finishing up the code for a project that was due to be demonstrated to the big wigs. When I finished I staggered from my abode unshowered and unshaven, my single purpose being to procure an order of Neo China’s pork fried rice.

Leaving the restaurant with order in hand I checked my fortune cookie, it said: “Wo xiang-yao yi-bei ka-fei” , according to the line printed underneath the translation is,“I’d like a cup of coffee”. This fortune has remained taped to one of my monitors since that day.

This one is currently taped outside my office.

“Striving for the best brings you loser to the best.”

I haven’t decided if it’s confidence or fatalism.

I had one once that said “You like Chinese Food”.

That was apt I say! APT!

I had one that I don’t think was a translation error but I’m not sure what the hell it was. It just broke my mind.

"Alas! The onion you are eating is someone else’s water lily!"

I think it was the “Alas!” that got me.

Also got the “A good way to stay healthy is to eat more Chinese food.” Other than that, my fortunes are usually normal.

I had one on my fridge for a coupla years that said “How fortunate! You are the chosen one.”

In your face, Space Coyote!

I once got a fortune cookie that said “Do not worry, you have great inner beauty.” I couldn’t believe it, the damn cookie was calling me ugly!

This is of course balanced out by the best fortune ever “Remember, though you may be above all other men God himself is above you.” That was a major ego stoker. Until one of my bastard friends decided to do the add “in bed” thing.

I like to add the words “in bed” to any fortune. Then they’re ALL funny.

Like that Upright Citizen’s Brigade sketch, then.

“Everyone is better than you.”

“Your dentist has made a mistake. But that is not a problem.”

Honest to God.

I know this is a bit off topic, but the above post reminded me- it’s also great (if not sacreligious) fun to add “in bed” after hymns. This always kept me occupied as a youngster at church. (“come thou almighty king”… in bed, “God will take care of you”…in bed, "Jesus loves the little children…well, you know) Also, similar to Manatee’s experience, my dad ( a lawyer for about twenty years) got a fortune saying “you’d make a good lawyer”. He put it up in his office.

My 11 year old daughter once got a fortune cookie that said, “You will be married within a year.” Fortunately it didn’t come true.

I was once amused by a fortune that used the word “both” oddly. I can’t remember exactly what the fortune was, but it was something like “You will both have good luck.” I am still interested in finding out who the other person being referred to is.

I liked Homer Simpson’s fortunes: “You will find your true love on Flag Day”, etc.

The fortune I started a thread over: “You could prosper in the field of medical research”. OK, so not really funny, but I WORK in medical research. AND I got the same fortune three times over the course of 15 years. Three different restaurants. I’ve never met anyone else who has gotten it even once.

“Did you lock your house? Your car?”

Bona fide fortune in a Montreal Chinese restaurant, sponsored by local police groups teaching immigrants about the realities of life in 1995 Quebec ;).