Strange fortune cookies anyone?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

The wife and I went out to chinese food after a long day in the ER (not for either of us, but everything turned out okay). At the end of the meal, we were a little unsure of whether we wanted to open our fortune cookies. I have already forgotten mine, but we really got a kick out of hers which read…

“Something good is about to happy.”

Yes, that is correct. Something good is about to happy. We are still laughing about this, wondering what our future holds for us.

Has anyone else out there received any strange fortunes?

2

I got one once that just said “smile when you’re ready”.

I honestly didn’t know what to do…

3

“Think of danger while things are going smoothly.”

Gee, thanks dessert!

4

“You are doomed to be happy in matrimony”

5

After totally gorging ourselves at a Chinese buffet, my extremely out-of-shape then-boyfriend got something to the effect of:

“It is time to re-think your exercise routine.”

Mildly offensive; entirely accurate.

6

Since the thread I started went down like a rock…

My brother got a cookie the other week with two fortunes. The extra slip was printed off center, and said “Oops. Wrong cookie” in tiny letters. Very surreal.

7

Well, there’s the old trick of saying “in bed” after reading the fortune (turns a large percentage of them into something at least mildly humorous).

When my grandmother-in-law read “new business opportunities await you”, we all howled. “Gramma, we didn’t know you were into that line of work!”.

8

Hey, two friends of mine reported that one as well!

9

“You will buy a new pair of pants” is so far the best one among my circle of friends.

10

I once got a fortune cookie with two fortunes inside (Not that uncommon I realize). What was unique was how the messages related to each other.

The first was entirely complimentary -
Roughly, from memory the first message read:

“Your friends love you, your coworkers respect you, you balance your great wisdom with great kindness”

The second one read
“Don’t beleive everything you read”

11

My latest said: “Don’t Panic.”

I had to pass it around.

12

Once my mother got one that read “Potato.”

13

“Life is not as serious as it seems to the waiter.”

14

Included with the Penn & Teller book “How To Play With Your Food” are cut-out fortunes for use when visiting Chinese restaurants:

Yes, that lump really is cancer.

Monkey Man will make you believe!

15

The oddest one I’ve gotten read “Apple a day keeps the cancer away”. Bizarre

16

My co-workers and I have a running joke about “sweet time”

Basically, “sweet time” is when you are being lazy and not doing any work.

We had been invited to have lunch with our most important customer, along with our VP. We had Chinese food. I opened my fortune cookie after the meal to find:

“Go take a break. You deserve it.”

This fortune is the epitome of “sweet time”.

I assume our VP had a hard time explaining to our Japanese guests why we were laughing so hard.

17

I had one that said “A good friend”

18

Mama Zappa we played that game at a work lunch. Everyone read their fortune, followed by “in bed”.

One older woman kept her head down and eyes averted, until someone got her fortune and read aloud . . .

“The best love is self love . . . in bed”. We howled, she was mortified.

19

“Enjoy yourself while you can.”

Wise, as well as wonderfully ominous.

20

This summer I got “Now is a wise time to invest in real estate.” I think a professional fortune writer somewhere is having trouble selling his house, and wants to push the market a little.