We took my bro and his girlfriend out for Chinese food on Sunday. My fortune said “May you have a good appetite.” Being one of the more heavyset members of my family, I pretended to take great offense, just to get a few laughs. Actually, I thought it was odd - fortune cookies are typically opened at the end of the meal. Why wish someone a good appetite after they finish eating? 
Here’s some misfortune cookies
My daughter once told me how to read a fortune cookie. It almost always works: Add the phrase, “between the sheets” at the end.