Brujaja’s thread here reminded me of a fortune I got the other day.
Someone looks up to you.
Don’t let that person down.
What kind of a fortune is that? Are fortune cookies supposed to add stress? That was a dirty trick to pull, Mr. Cookie.
Anyway, I wanted to know if anyone else ever got a fortune that made them do a doubletake.
(We won’t mention the one my friend got that said, “Support adult literacy. Buy fortune cookies.”)
I had one a while back that said “You enjoy fresh air and sunshine.” Oh, good, I thought. I’m not mildew.
I got one that told me to kiss the person to my right. A little creepy I thought.
“Never trouble trouble 'til trouble troubles you.”
“You will soon cross the big water.”
I think I’ve told this here before, but when my daughter was about 12, she got a fortune cookie that said, “You will be married within a year.”
She wasn’t.
Once, in a former job, a good (female) friend of mine were having an extended spat of a week or so, including her not talking to me. Our department ordered in Chinese food one day, and **both **of our fortune cookie fortunes said:
“Yours is a long and endearing friendship.”
:eek:
We easily went back to being friends over that. 
Also… I had seen these before but never thought I would receive one inside a fortune cookie. I always thought they were faked:
Pretty sure I’ve told this one before. Got one that said:
You love chinese food.
When we went up to pay, I held it up and jokingly said to the cashier/waitress, “Don’t you think this one’s kind of a gimme?” She laughed and tossed me another cookie (which I was not expecting!). I opened it as we were driving out of the parking lot. It said:
You can have your cake and eat it too.
<cue Twilight Zone music>
Hey, anyone here play the “In Bed” game with fortune cookies?
My cousin’s little boy walked in on us grownup-types while were having a giggle with the “in bed” shtick after having Chinese one night. He loudly announced that his fortune said that he makes friends easily in bed.
“What’s that mean, huh? huh? huh? Why’s everyone laughing, huh? huh? huh? What’s so funny? Why is no-one splainin’ this to me?” and so on. 
I get the most surreal fortune cookies - sometimes really poorly worded advice, sometimes gibberish, sometimes just… strange. I got one a couple of years ago, that has lived in my wallet ever since -
“People who have power often become a deaf-mute.”
I don’t know why, but it cracks me up every time I think it. I’m giggling a little right now. So I kept it.
The one that has me scratching my head is this:
“Opportunity knocks. Answer it tomorrow.”
But…but opportunity knocks but once. Won’t it have gotten tired of hanging around waiting for my to get my lazy ass to the door and split in about ten minutes or so?
My most prophetic, if slightly late, one is this:
“You will soon move to elegant surroundings.”
I was actually moving that day, and had gotten some Chinese take-out to eat on a break between unpacking boxes. It was a tiny studio apartment but it was in an almost brand-new building in a neighborhood I couldn’t have afforded if the rent hadn’t been subsidized. Developers would kill for the view we had too.
It had a bunch of Chinese characters and underneath said,
“Learn Chinese”
I got one that read:
It was a little scary!
I once got one that said, “You will laugh at this fortune.”
I laughed. I’m not quite sure what that says about me.
Since I moonlight as an author of fortune cookie fortunes, I can tell you straight-forward that we don’t put much thought into the content of the fortunes. The only thing they demand is that we don’t repeat fortunes; otherwise, they really don’t care what we say, as long as it’s amusing or interesting in one way or another. So sometimes I give them something philosophical (“Your next step is always more important than the one after it.”) and sometimes something that just tickles (“If you read this fortune aloud, it won’t count.”).
Have you ever thought of playing on the “In Bed” game?
Like: “You will wake up tomorrow…” Or “Don’t eat crackers…”
Or something cliched like: “That wasn’t chicken”?
I must have done this a hundred times in different company and it gets just enough of a puzzled look and then a decent enough laugh that it motivates me to do it every time:
I read my fortune cookie fortune aloud: “Help. I’m being held hostage in a Chinese cookie factory.”
This one was my all-time favorite. I used to carry it in my wallet, but I seem to have lost it, so I will recall it as best I can:
"If you’re not the lead dog, then the scenery never changes."
I got one last week that said “you are pretty”.
My cookie was flirting with me. Creepy.
One of mine actually said “ignore previous cookie”. (or maybe ignore previous fortune).
I was dating this guy many years ago and I thought it would be nice on our special picnic date if his fortune cookie said something romantic. So I bought an entire bag of fortune cookies, steamed them so they’d be malleable, took out all the fortunes, separated out all the romantic ones, put them back in cookies, resealed their individual plastic bags, and put them inside the bag of chinese takeout I got later. After dinner I grinned my biggest smile and offered him a fortune cookie. “Oh no thanks, I don’t like fortune cookies” says he. :smack: