I will now reveal to you the Best fortune cookie fortune ever in a way that will recreate (as best as that can be done in cyberspace) the opening up of a fortune cookie. Reveal the text in the Spoiler Box below to learn of my awesome fortune:
You have an ability to sense and know the truth.
So now, obviously, I can answer all General Questions, settle all Great Debates, resolve any trivialities discussed in MPSIMS, dispense erudite and pithy advice in Café Society, rule conclusively on all the nitpickers who Comment on Cecil’s Columns, extinguish all flame wars in the BBQ Pit, and perform any other miscellaneous duties required of an omniscient being.
And, of course, I expect the Mods to bestow upon me shortly the custom user title “Omniscient One.”
Not much need for the spoiler boxes, and since mods dislike lots of them, I’ll break with tradition.
My favorite gag fortune simply reads “That wasn’t chicken.”
My all-time favorite fortune I’ve actually received in a cookie was so utterly zen, and probably so unintentionally so. It read: “If the shoe fits, it’s probably the right size.”
Someone didn’t quite understand the cliche, but their unintentional misquote made this one a masterpiece.
So no one adds the requisite “…in the bedroom.” to the end of their fortunes? That makes the OP’s fortune “You have an ability to sense and know the truth…in the bedroom.”
While still a useful and impressive talent, its really only good for telling whether she(or he) faked that orgasm.
My best fortune cookie ever was one my wife received.
I took her out on the day after her birthday (thanks to a car problem making me miss the only hour she had off work on her birthday), and I was ready to ask her to marry me at the end of the evening.
We opened the fortune cookies. Mine was utterly forgettable (and I have done so), but hers was:
“Accept the next proposal you hear.”
She did.
I could not have set that up better if I had tried.
My son, age 14, got “The first and best love is self-love.” The half-dozen college-aged women in the party thought this was just about the funniest thing they had ever heard…
Hehe, my friend got that “you are one of those people who goes places” fortune as well.
Once a couple of years ago, I went to a Chinese restaurant and the guy I was with got a fortune that said: “Your emotional nature is strong and emotional.”
Whenever a group of us at work goes out for Chinese, it never fails that at least one of us will not get a fortune in the cookie. That’s always the best.
Penn and Teller came up with one that read “The chef spit in your food.” In How To Play With Your Food, they even included a copy of it on cheap paper, and showed you how to switch the gag for a real fortune.
