My favorite is one I still keep in my walet next to the instructions on how to use a Pez dispenser (but I digress).
“You are never bitter, deceptive, or petty”
Man, did they miss the mark or what! 
WhiteyFoo - I have that same fortune taped to my monitor.
Along with:
[fortune cookie]
You will always get what you want through your charm and personality.
[/fortune cookie]
Absolutely. That’s the “romantic proposal story” we carry with us.
… which, of course, gave me a good laugh when NurseCarmen and MrMyth said that they add “in bed” to the end of all the fortunes. (I hadn’t heard that before, but: “Accept the next proposal you hear.” “… in bed!”)
I have two taped to my monitor right now:
and:
You can open some cookies here .
Or, make your own . Always fun at dinner parties.
I’ve never had a fortune cookie (they don’t seem to exist over here), but if I did, I would want it to say “your cat’s breath smells of cat food”
Anyone else often get cookies with 2 fortunes in 'em? My best one, EVER, was just recently at a restaurant I’d never been to before.
First one: You are well-liked and valued by those around you.
The second one:
Do not believe all that you are told. .
:o
Hey! I got the op’s fortune on Tuesday.
The one that’s taped to the lid of my laptop reads:
“If it’s worth doing, it’s worth overdoing”
And we’ve always added “under the covers” rather than “in bed”. Not really a big difference there.
Hey cool! I’ve been carrying that one around in my wallet for eons!
On Thursday night I got what that said:
LC
Duck…NOW!!!
On an episode of Rock’s Modern Life, Filbert received a fortune, on numerous occasions, “Bad luck and misfortune will infest your pathetic little soul for all eternity.” I’m still looking for that one.
Lunch yesterday was my best one ever…
“You will bring great joy to someone today” … in bed.
Taped to my monitor at work:
Good to begin welll, better to end well.
Your talents wil be recognized and suitably rewarded.
You will be awarded some great honor.
Your love life will be happy and harmonious.
I have a bunch more at home. I always save them; I’m not sure where my big jar o’ fortunes went actually, I think I lost them in a move somewhere.
“Your lover will never wish to leave.”
At my local restaurant, they use fortune cookies with fortunes printed on both sides; the fortune comes with lucky numbers and on the flip side is a short phrase (not the fortune) in English & Chinese (both transliterated and in chops). Neat!
Anybody else get those?
The one I have taped to my monitor says “You are worth more than you are getting.”
But the best one I ever got was
I think it was the “alas!” that confused me most.
The Spouse and I add " . . . on the web" to the ends of our fortunes, instead of “in bed.” Nice change of pace . . .
I got
“You have an unusual equipment for success.”
That one works quite nicely with “between the sheets.”
But he’s Mr. Lucky… 