A few years ago, my family (including a my aunt and her family and my (paternal) grandmother) were eating at a local Chinese place. Just as the fortune cookies are brought out, my grandmother starts coughing and choking on a bit of rice that went down the wrong pipe. She was in the restroom for several minutes and it sounded like she was coughing up a lung.
During this time, my father opened his cookie. The fortune read “You will soon inherit a large sum of money.”
WOW, jackdavinci! – I thought* I *was a diehard romantic willing to go to extreme lengths but – I bow before the Master.
I grew up with Kraig Kinser. One day at school (I think I was in 4th grade) we had Chinese food for lunch, with fortune cookies. It was a Montessori school so we did stuff like that. Kraig’s fortune said: “You will die early.”
I will never forget that. It blew our little minds that a fortune would ever have that printed on it, but there it was, plain as day.
Dang, Argent Towers. Heavy. What did yours say?
Just as well. How good would a fortune cookie that’s been steamed open and resealed taste?
“Never smell the inside of a hat”
Keep it in my wallet.
I once got “Fortune not found. Abort, retry, fail?”
I got one several years ago that I still keep in my wallet.
I got one that said
I’m a technical writer. Making complicated things simple is my job. I used to have that taped to my work monitor. I wonder where I put it the last time I switched jobs…
My wife, young daughter, and I went to the local Chinese Buffet for New Years Eve a couple of years ago. After dinner, I distributed the fortune cookies. My wife’s said:“You can expect an addition to your life.” As soon as we left the restaurant, I dropped by a pharmacy and bought a pack of pregnancy tests. My wife took one as soon as she got home and it was positive. Our baby daughter will have her second birthday in July.
A few months ago, we went back to the same buffet. I was in the bathroom when the fortune cookies cam out but the girls were destroying them inside the packages when I got back. I said, “Do not destroy those fortune cookies. That is how we found out your mother was pregnant the last time.” It made perfect sense to me but a passing group of diners was almost doubled over in laughter.
We have played the “in bed” game, and I wish I could remember the exact wording of one that I got while out to lunch with co-workers. We laughed about it for months. It was something like “You will gain new exciting experiences if you are open to back door opportunities.”
The alternate phrase to add is “…with no pants on.”
I ate quite a few when I got home 
They tasted fine but were less crispy than normal. I actually preferred them them that way, but other would probably find it odd. But the idea was to go from fortune to kiss and skip the eating of the cookie…
It was couple days after the woman who was to be DesertWife and I became More Than Just Friends. We were still going at it pretty hot and heavy, making up for all the pent up desire we’d both had. She opened her fortune, laughed, and handed it to me. “You do a common thing uncommonly well” was what it said. I could only agree.
It was stuck to our refrigerator for years afterward.
You got Richard Pryor’s by mistake.
ahh yes… the …in bed game… the greatest fortune ever, and a legend among my friends was one i got… the best love is self love… we didnt stop laughing for an hour.
I once received: Your face is your fortune. God help you.
I once got: Support industry. Buy more fortune cookies.
The Sphinx would be proud.(From Mystery Men)