We asked thirty Helens what they thought of this thread.
When I tell *anyone *I’m going to do something, the odds are as close to 100% as possible that I am going to do it. Barring something huge, I will keep my word. And this type of behavior works both ways. I have a woman friend whose “yes” translates to maybe an maybe means no. I met a young woman a few weeks ago and she told me she sells office supplies in my building. I told her to give me a call next time she was in town, I would buy her lunch. She puched my number into her phone and promised it would be next monday or the monday after. 4 mondays have passed with no call. ::shrug:: being rude is limited to men.
Some women do this too.
Going through these experiences is part of the weeding out process. Who wants to date such an inconsiderate creep anyway?
And no they are not all like that – not even close. You’ve just had a run of bad luck.
I like the idea of the female getting the phone number – or at least both having them.
C’mon, guys, cut Marge some slack - she’s run into more than her fair share of losers lately, and she sounds a little jaded by the whole thing. Guys are looking like they are all the same to her right now, I’d guess.
Marge, you sound like you’re being nice and accommodating to these guys, but that isn’t getting you anywhere. I would suggest you make firm plans with the next guy who seems like a dating prospect, clearly letting him know what your expectations of him are, and if he disappoints you in any way, forget about him and move on. Guys (and girls) are at their best when first starting to date; these guys you’ve been meeting have been doing you a favour by showing you what big losers they are so early on, so you don’t have to waste any time on them at all.
Thanks to everyone for their honest answers, especially the guys.
I’m very sorry this got moved to the pit, because there’s a lot of personal stuff in here–stuff I don’t typically share with the board–and because I’m not sure my confidence can take many more blows. So be honest, but please don’t be brutal, k?
Yeah, I have girlfriends who do this, but it’s way worse when it’s a man you’re interested in.
I did this for a while, but as it turns out, I prefer it when they call me. That way, I know they’re actually interested and not just backed into a corner (I can be rather assertive). In this situation, there just wasn’t an opportunity to get his number. He is one of my managers (dating within the company is allowed), so it would have been appropriate for me to give my number, but not for him to give his. Besides, he has access to mine through employee records.
I think you’re right about this, but I fear chivalry is mostly dead. I may be looking a very long time.
Wow, there is so much truth in everything you said, and it applies to women as well as men. Dating is just impossible. How do people do this? I hate it!
This is what I think, too. But I would really like to know why they play this little flirty game with me. I mean, if they’re not into me, why invite me to breakfast and a motorcycle ride and tell me that we can “do whatever I want” all day? I mean, why go to all that trouble if they aren’t interested in dating me? Is it a conquest, or something? (really, I want to know.)
Thank you, featherlou, for the great advice and for the support; it’s right on the money and very much appreciated. 
Marge,
I haven’t read page 2 of the responses, but after reading the OP my advice is:
STOP FLIRTING WITH GUYS FROM WORK!
Also, aren’t you glad you learned about the character of these guys before things wen’t further? Consider yourself lucky - it could have been much worse and…
STOP FLIRTING WITH GUYS FROM WORK!
I’m famously absent-minded, but when it comes to women I have the memory of a stone tablet. Heterosexual men do NOT have their mind slip when it comes to potential poon.
Unless its “potential poon” you’re not that interested in.
Are you kidding? This is a great rant!
No such thing…at least in my single days, there was no such thing.
Of course, I didn’t get to realize my potential anywhere near as often as I would have liked.
Yeah, we men are terrible. I mean, there was this woman at work once who was really into me, and she shyly asked me for a date one time, so I asked for some time to think it over, and then a week went by, and she asked me if I’d thought it over, so I stammered and said “Er, no… I, er… don’t go out with women from work”.
Actually I’ve gone and got her and me mixed up in that little story, wouldn’t you know? :smack:
WARNING: Story of a career loser lies ahead.
Consider being the “him” in the following exchange:
Her: Wow! I had a great time! You’re really special!
Him: I had a great time too.
Her: Here’s my number. Will you call me?
Him: I’d love too. Thursday night OK?
Her: You’d better, mister (shakes his hand with an extra-special sex-squeeze, kisses him).
Thursday night:
ring ring
Roomie: Hello?
Him: Hi, is Becky Sue there?
Roomie: Sure, she’s sitting right here. I can see her sitting right here. She is within touching distance.
Him: Great, can I speak with her?
Roomie: Sure, hold on and I’ll get her.
(mumbling in background)
Roomie: Umm… Who’s calling?
Him: It’s (name).
Roomie: Err… Hold on.
(More mumbling)
Roomie: Umm… She’s not here right now. Can I take a message?
Now, I can accept that one or two women in the world might not be that into me. But when several dozen women (in the same month) all assume that I’m that much of a moron, my attitude towards dating tends not to be optimistic. The next woman that tells me to call her is likely to get a “Sure, babe, count on it. Wait by the phone. 'Til you die. Bitch.”
Not that I’m bitter.
I briefly thought of starting a thread called “Share your tales of dating woe”, but there’s probably no way that would end well.
It’s been done, hasn’t it? I only recently shared the other memorable run-around I got given…
Yeah, you gotta kiss a lot of toads to get to your prince/princess. They do exist, though - take heart, weary ones.
Damned if I know. Back when I was single, there weren’t many times when a woman came on to me that I didn’t want to take her up on it. But in those rare instances, I simply didn’t flirt back, and that pretty much took care of it.
And I certainly wouldn’t have made wide-open offers like “I’ll take you for a long ride and then we can do anything you want to do” unless I was hoping, regardless of expectations, that ‘anything she wanted’ was pretty extensive.
But we couldn’t hear their response over the roar of 30,000 ships churning up the water.
You are aware, aren’t you, what Freud’s interpretation of “kissing the frog” was?
Let me guess - it involved a penis. That Freud - what a character!
I think this comment deserves support.