I’ve gotten that look in the grocery store when a toddler is standing in the cart inches away from an “aisle 4 face plant”, and I’m a woman! It’s ridiculous.
Couldn’t agree more. He seems uncomfortable with the awareness that his daughter is changing and maturing, and as a result projecting his own discomfort with that awareness onto every passing stranger who happens to glance at her.
Now that is child abuse - expecting a one-year-old to carry your 275lb frame. Sheesh. 
Eight year old girls (for the most part) aren’t really changing and maturing all that much except for getting taller, skinnier and a lot smarter. They are not sexual beings, except in Scylla’s mind, which is a worry.
Look, by all means, look out for your kiddies and try to prevent any harm or misfortune coming upon them. But also be wary of your own personal boogie-men…they’re in your imagination, but can cause far more damage (psychologically speaking) than any real-life threat…especially from those predatory 7 yr old kids. Gotta watch out for them. :rolleyes:
Pedophile paranoia isn’t new. Just read the short story Hands by Sherwood Anderson (1919). I do think the phenomenon has escalated in recent years, fed by the 24-hour news media.
I understand why parents would be protective of their children, but as a single guy who loves kids but doesn’t have any of his own, it is very frustrating. I hate the feeling of constantly having to worry that my harmless friendliness with children is going to be misinterpreted.
I have to kind of agree with Scylla here. Young girls, especially unusually attractive “budding” young girls, are like honey to certain varieties of lowlife, and despite all their efforts to keep their interest on the down low you can usually catch them out at it if you keep your eyes open.
With respect to kids can’t be predators don’t be naive. I’ve had to have several “I’ve got your number asshole” interactions with amazingly young neighborhood kids trying to manipulate and use my kids over the years, and like Scylla’s experiences it was never “'I’m shocked at being accused” it was “OK you got me this time old man”. People who think young kids are non-sexual and naturally innocent need to have their heads examined.
I’ve brought up this point before. As a guy I’m worried about helping a lost kid now a days. Many people now look at guys as child molester as default. It’s the number one subject that pisses me off.
When I was hardly able to walk and at a park I ran into this loony woman in an adult group. I was at the dock of a lake, and left for my car. A group of adults was half way between the truck and the dock. The kid was walking towards me and the dock about 30 feet from the adults. The mother starts screaming at the kid in a hysterical manner to keep away from me. What a fuck’n nut job. What am I going to do? Rape the kid 20 feet from 6 adults. Grab the kid and run to the truck when I’m only barely able to walk. I continued to walk directly toward the group, and stared at the woman the whole time it took to get to them. I continued until I got to the truck and went home.
Wow, I disagree completely. I think Scylla is spot-on, though perhaps unnecessarily melodramatic. People can definitely feel others looking at them, 8-yr-old girls can be sufficiently beautiful to attract unwanted attention from adult males, 7-yr-old predators exist, and children can respond to sexuality.
All of the qualities (both good and twisted) that exist in adults can also be found in children, absolutely. Where else would they come from?
That’s what makes parenting 3-yr-olds so difficult, all these emotions and responses are flickering off and on, like fluorescent lights. You hope the good ones catch and linger.
My son had his first crush at 2.5, there was no doubt that’s what was going on. He’s 4.5 now. Last week, when I took him through the Women’s entrance to get to our community pool, we encountered a couple of very pretty, voluptuous teenaged girls in bikinis. He was fascinated and could not stop staring (I don’t think he’d ever seen pretty girls in bikinis up close before). I had to apologize and usher him out. Although he’s very verbal he doesn’t have the vocabulary to explain his reactions or give them a context, because he doesn’t know what sexuality is; but there’s no doubt he’s beginning to react, to sense it.
Which may be the same reason why his twin sister is so shy with strangers, particularly men. She may be feeling that “wad of cash in her pocket” vulnerability that Scylla described so well; I don’t know. She doesn’t have the vocabulary for it, either. But I’m not going to tell her to ignore her feelings. I will help her fine-tune her intuition, over time. Meeting good men, her friends’ fathers, her father’s friends, teachers, librarians, the baggers at the grocery store – all of that helps.
I’m glad to read so many posts from men who love children, and sorry that you’re encountering mothers who misread your intentions. It’s very sad.
The thought never even crosses my mind that someone might think I’m a child molester. Weird. Let 'em assume away. That’s not something I let occupy my mind.
*Of course * they’re like honey to a “certain variety of lowlife.” The issue is whether outward paranoia regarding all members of a particular sex is fair or even remotely necessary. Do you think it’s fair that a single man cannot be a scout leader? Do you think it’s fair that a single man cannot sit at the park and watch kids play or (shudder!) interact with them? Do you think it’s fair that many men feel that they cannot be left alone with child relatives? Does this sound even remotely like the workings of a sane society to you??
I’ve posted about this before. Currently, I work as a sculptor at a center for the arts teaching summer camp. My kids range from 6-13 with a 70-30 split in the favor of the girls. I am also the only male staff member out of 4 instructors, 3 administrators, and any number of high school volunteers. The kids ADORE me. My class is the consistent favorite, I get cheers and hugs, and I even have a fan club who wear feather beards so that they call all look like me. I find this work extremely rewarding and go home happy at the end of each day.
I would never work in a school. 
Never.
All it takes now is one kid with an ax to grind because you disciplined them, or gave them a poor grade and your professional life is effectively over. You will never live down the stigma of being questioned, let alone accused.
It is a hard line to tread. The kids give me bone-crushing hugs, and I can only respond with the “manly” one-arm hug. I have to be careful to monitor their conversations and steer it away from anything that could be taken the wrong way. At that age they love to play gross out games with each other, and boys vs girls parts are prime players for grossness, along with poop and fart jokes. “Butt” is perhaps the funniest word in the English language other than “boob” or “weiner” I can’t allow the latter two to be uttered in any circumstance despite the fact that the universal response to them is: "EEEWWWWWW!!! (copious giggling ensures)
Strangely, I’ve found that there is no constant in appearance that set’s off parent’s radar. Since I’ve grown my beard out to a thick bush, I’ve found that I receive far LESS looks than before. I would have expected the reverse. Much like a few other posters, I do not hesitate to correct a child or assist them if they need it. Curiously I’ve noticed that the parents are either thankful, or too intimidated by me to get indignant. I’m not a large man, around 5’7 but built wide and stocky, so I cannot imagine that I truly intimidate that many people. I’m not certain what it is, but I think the thought goes: “No one who goes around looking like a pirate could possibly be a child molester, they are just too easily identifiable.” :smack:
Snip mine.
Of COURSE he looks. Small children are not asexual beings, as any psychologist will tell you. This only increases as they age and become functioning adults. If we didn’t demonize all sexual content in the united states and make it all prurient, dirty, and secret, we wouldn’t have half the issues we do. One of our greatest faults as a society is to repress and stigmatize the most innocent and natural of reactions.
Children should be taught from a young age what is appropriate and what is not, but never to be embarrassed. They need the facts, guided by age to understand those occasional feelings.
I’m not saying that you fail to do any of this BTW, but your reaction was a bit much to say the least.
I’ve gotten that glare and I’m a 45 yr old woman. That was probably because you dared to correct her daughter’s rude behavior.
It’s only happened to me once, but it bothered me. When my youngest daughter was about 2, she had to spend a few nights in Childrens Hospital in Boston. They have 2 kids per room, and her roommate was a sweet 9 year old girl who adored her, and actually made the stay a lot easier on my daughter. The first night, my wife stayed at the hospital with her. The second night, I was going to stay with her. When my wife mentioned this to the roommate’s mother, she complained to the floor nurses that a male would be staying in the room with her daughter. She had never met or seen me, she knew nothing about me other than I had 3 daughters, but she was furious that the hospital would allow this. Luckily the nurses told her that it was hospital policy that a parent could always stay with a child, that she was welcome to stay with her child, or have someone else do so if she so desired, and if she didn’t agree with hospital policy that she was welcome to take her daughter elsewhere for care.
Apologizing to a couple of teenagers because their space, the Women’s bathroom, was invaded by a Little Dude who openly stared at them to the point of making them uncomfortable? I don’t think that’s excessive.
I didn’t scold him, BTW; he’s too young to learn the male techniques of Subtle Scanning (which their father practices daily - and he THINKS I don’t know what he’s doing).
I wouldn’t have said a word about it, had we not been in the Women’s bathroom.
Next time I’ll check to see if the Family Changing Room is available.
Yeah, confirmation bias is wicked strong. Don’t let that stop you, though.
Ah. This was in the changing room? My bad. I didn’t gather that from your post.
I was too vague initially, sorry.
That’s a good point - I reckon a fair proportion of Parental Glaring comes from a feeling that by interacting in any way with their family, one is being rude. The same twat parents who fill the entire pavement (sidewalk) with their offspring and expect you to walk in the gutter, rather than teach their kids that there are other worthwhile people in the world. I think all these types of behaviour stem from an over-protective mania and familial self-righteousness that some parents fall into. And I find it amazingly smug and obnoxious, if evolutionarily understandable.
Nah, in this case it’s just projection.
Stranger