Men, how would you handle this situation?

Interesting.

Returning to the question in the OP I guess I would call and offer to return the item in question or let her come by and pick it up if that was more convenient.

Perhaps I need to take a vacation. This is the second time in one day that I’ve managed to completely miscommunicate the idea in my head.

To clarify:

  • as to sexual ethics, I strongly believe that consenting adults in private should be able to do whatever they like, however they like it.

  • my definition of “casual sex” is sex without a romantic relationship. A lot of different versions fall into that large category - sex with strangers, sex with friends, sex with regular, emotionally absent partners. I make no moral or ethical judgment on it. So long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, and they’re not doing it out on the street and frightening the horses, it’s none of my business. I do think a sexual partner of any sort is due more courtesy and thoughtfulness than the person standing next in line for a bus, but that is just me.

  • if everyone were upfront and honest about where they were on that spectrum, I suspect we’d have a lot less heartache. A person comes up to me and says “Hi, I’d really like to have sex with you, but I have absolutely no interest in ever seeing you again afterward,” my ideal hypothetical response would be “Thanks for the offer, but that’s not my thing. Good luck!”

  • I’ve learned from bitter experience that not everyone is upfront and honest about what they’re looking for, so I have become far more conservative in what I’m willing to risk in a sexual relationship. If someone asks me for advice, I’m going to advise a more conservative approach to the risks inherent in sex.


I can’t really wrap my brain around the idea of having sex with a person that you never want to see again. I can’t come up with a scenario of those circumstances that doesn’t involve some sort of hostility, and mixing sex and hostility is distasteful to me. That doesn’t mean I think it’s immoral or unethical, just unadvisable.

The OP asked a hypothetical question about what to do in an awkward situation, I advised them to avoid the situation altogether by reconsidering what risks they were willing to take.

Green Bean, I applaud you for taking the precautions you find necessary for the sexual relationships you participate in. I wish you health, happiness, and lots and lots of friendly aerobics. I never intended to condemn ethical, consensual relationships between adults, only recognize that some come with more risks than others. If I mangled that, I’m very sorry.

TVeblen, thank you very much for your efforts to defend my position. Your compliment means a great deal to me.

Phouka–Thanks for the reply.

I didn’t take your comments as relating to me personally in any way, so no apologies necessary on that front. Well, no apologies necessary at all, really.

And for what it’s worth, I don’t have sex with people I don’t want to see again either. There have been occasions when I have decided after sex that I didn’t want to see them again, though! But I don’t start out that way. I actually don’t sleep with people unless I’m pretty sure that I DO want to see them again. I’m just not particularly put out if a second round doesn’t occur for whatever reason.

Seriously, 60/40 as to whether you’d do her again and you’re worrying about gnawing your leg out of that trap? While that’s hardly top tier, it also doesn’t say, “Not again! Or at least not without a sixer down the hatch first.”

I hate turning around for something forgotten at home. While I wouldn’t necessarily be really burning to get her out of there, unless you’re still pretty close and can go back without too much trouble or it’s something important/time sensitive, it’s better to just take her home and deal with the item later. Letting her come back to your place some other time is not ideal. Much less drama lies in arranging a good time to return it on some kind of neutral territory.

It’s a pretty bad idea from a practical standpoint to be an asshole about it. So you didn’t click, or she’s a lousy lay. So what? She’s a person, interesting enough that you wanted to stick your dick in her; and from a completely selfish point of view she might have hot friends. Wait, forget I said that :stuck_out_tongue: Anyway, there’s no advantage to treating her like a leper and no disadvantage to treating her with the same level of courtesy you’d extend to anyone else.

Unless she’s psycho or completely clueless socially you can be pleasant without either inviting her to your place for some cock or having a screaming match with her. There’s rarely a reason to be rude or unpleasant in a situation like what you describe. Casual, friendly, but not intimate is the way to go when you don’t want to be a jerk, but you also don’t want to be more than friends or acquaintances from that point on. It really is no big deal unless one of you makes it a big deal.

Heck, she might be kicking herself for leaving something at your place because she doesn’t want to sleep with you again and doesn’t want to encourage you to think that it might happen. Ever think of that?