Men- name a universally frightening experience

In My Humble Opinion
21

[QUOTE=RedRosesForMe]
In a recent thread on the creepy guy who harassed me at the laundromat, niblet_head, I believe it was, very eloquently explained what I had been trying to get at, namely, that all women understand, even if only subconciously, that they can be very easily victimized by men. Ask your wife/girlfriend/daughter/female friends, and I’m sure all of them will be able to tell you of a number of times they felt uncomfortable, harassed, or frightened by a ‘creepy’ guy who aggressively hit on them in a socially unacceptable manner. What to men would be a minor annoyance is, to women, a universally frightening experience because of the knowledge that, generally speaking, women are at a great physical disadvantage to men.
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I think you’re right — it’s part of life’s backdrop for women, and we malefolks are largely oblivious to it. There’s nothing in our experience that’s akin to it. I mean, I’m no body-builder (I’m a middle-aged computer geek in fact), and yet I feel comfortable going for a walk absolutely anywhere in the city at any hour. People just don’t bother me, and I don’t expect them to, and on the rare occasions when they do anyway I’m confident I can handle it, or confident enough to waste no worries on the alternative scenario.

The closest I could come to an answer to your question is passing through a clot of young male badass boys or a phalanx of fratboys. But there’s nothing specifically male about that kind of fear, and in fact I’d think it would be worse if I were female.

22

Specifically male fear, not as applicable to women?

Perhaps fear of displaying one’s inner physical cowardice for all to see.

Men and women can fear rape or victimization by bigger, stronger men, and men and woman can fear the shame of being shown to be physical cowards. But women are more likely to fear the first and men more likely to fear the second.

(I exclude displaying moral cowardice, since that is more likely to be feared equally by both sexes).

23

I think it’s going to be hard to find many ‘male-specific’ fears. When I first read the thread title, my thought was along the lines of “something bad happening to my child”. But that is obviously not restricted to men only.

I do have one personal example: one of the few times I have been truly frightened, and I think it’s fairly male-specific, although I don’t know how common it is. My wife, in labor with our first child, suddenly being whisked off for an emergency Caesarean, while I stood there helpless and alone.

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“Hi. It’s Beth. You met me at a party, oh, six or seven weeks ago, and you said I was a real good sport.”

“Beth? Beth. Oh! Beth. How are you?”

“Pregnant.”

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Domestic violence and care of children are frightening in a uniquely male way.

While I never experienced domestic violence, men who are victims of it are victims in a uniquely male way – frightening because your SO is attacking you, and frightening because if you fight back they will claim you started it (even if you don’t do anything other than defend yourself.) Even if it resolves itself okay, I’d think that the fear of this counts according to the criteria, because the fear is of a slightl different character.

Care of children: it doesn’t rise to the levels of domestic abuse, but it’s a bit frightening to be entrusted with the care of a child you don’t know too well, for obvious reasons. Women certainly might fear they would be pegged as a violent overseer, but with men there is the additional sexual fear as well.

26

[QUOTE=Malthus]
Specifically male fear, not as applicable to women?

Perhaps fear of displaying one’s inner physical cowardice for all to see.

Men and women can fear rape or victimization by bigger, stronger men, and men and woman can fear the shame of being shown to be physical cowards. But women are more likely to fear the first and men more likely to fear the second.

(I exclude displaying moral cowardice, since that is more likely to be feared equally by both sexes).
[/QUOTE]

I absolutely agree with this. It’s a major component of the whole fear of emasculation that was mentioned up thread. I can’t speak to the idea of being emasculated through physical fear or intimidation, but I can speak of it from a perspective of some sort of failure as a man.

At least from my perspective, it would seem that society puts a high value on men being courageous and successful and all these sorts of things. In fact, from that perspective, in some ways risk-takers/thrill-seekers are seemingly MORE afraid of being branded a coward than of receiving physical harm.
On a lighter note, as also mentioned up thread. I do also believe most men are ever-present to the “ball shot”. Obviously, not nearly the level of anxiety there for women.

27

Another thought just occurred to me. What about fear of rejection? Specifically in the romantic sense. Sure, everyone has it, and while things are starting to change, it’s a lot different for men. A guy has to put his neck on the line for fear of looking like a coward. OTOH, it seems to me women don’t have to face that fear as intensely as often.

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  1. Vasectomy.

  2. Child support.

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[QUOTE=Blaster Master]
Another thought just occurred to me. What about fear of rejection? Specifically in the romantic sense. Sure, everyone has it, and while things are starting to change, it’s a lot different for men. A guy has to put his neck on the line for fear of looking like a coward. OTOH, it seems to me women don’t have to face that fear as intensely as often.
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I can buy that. Guys are supposed to be the initiators, and if you’re afraid of rejection, that can put a serious crimp into your game.

30

[QUOTE=silenus]
“Hi. It’s Beth. You met me at a party, oh, six or seven weeks ago, and you said I was a real good sport.”

“Beth? Beth. Oh! Beth. How are you?”

“Pregnant.”
[/QUOTE]

Close. It was Jane.

31

When I opened the thread I intended to mention going to prison, but you’ve ruled that out. Though for some segments of society the possibility of going to prison is not remote.

I guess it would be failing to protect my family from dangerous situations. I am 10 times more nervous walking through the city with my wife than by myself. I don’t really fear physical confrontation, though I definitely want to avoid it. I’ve been beaten down before. But the thought of my wife getting attacked and my not being able to stop it is a fear that pops up from time to time according to the situation. It effects my behavior even. For instance, walking through the city and approaching a group of toughs standing around: if I am alone I’ll just walk on by, if I’m with my wife I may cross to the other side of the street, or even turn down another way.

Is this unique to men? I don’t think the threat of physical violence is, but perhaps the fear of failing as a protector is a uniquely male fear. My wife is no waif, and she is street smart. But when we are together she certainly seems less aware than me of assessing potentially dangerous situations, or if not less aware than less concerned. If she were alone I know she’d cross the street too, but when we are together it is as if she trusts me to make those sorts of assessments, and it can be an enormous pressure to be fully trusted with the protection of a person you love dearly.

32

Fear? Interesting question.

About 5 years ago, I was home and my Wife was about 2 hours late getting home. She had gone out for a run.

Not really unusual, as she trains hard and long. I was just starting to note that she was ‘overdue’.

Two Sheriffs deputies pulled up our driveway. An SUV and a car.

Now there is no reason for the Sheriff to come to our house. We live in a remote spot, and have had nothing other than a speeding ticket; we have never had any need for emergency services.

I was sure that something had happened to my Wife. My knees buckled. Just like the Mom in saving Private Ryan.

It’s a bit of a blur from there. But I suspect they thought that we where growing pot. I live in a passive solar house and had some windows covered with painter’s plastic, because I was painting.

The deputies where not forthcoming with information. They said that someone had skipped bail in a town 110 miles away and that they had given my house as their address.

The name of the person? They didn’t know for sure. They said it’s probably an alias.

What did this person do? They didn’t know. But it was pretty clear that they wanted to look in my house. Like an idiot, I let them look for this ‘person’ in my house.

It was all very odd. And the SUV was a DARE car (Drug Awareness Resistance Education [or something]). Complete with a dog in it.

We have nothing to hide. Neither persons skipping bail or drugs, but I let these guys into my house to look around.

I was so happy that this wasn’t a call to tell me that my Wife was in an accident, that I pretty much let these guys do whatever they wanted. I wasn’t thinking clearly and felt intimidated.

Sort of a search with out the warrant.

I did call the town where this person was supposedly arrested and skipped bail. They had no information about it.

I’m pretty convinced that they where just fishing, and lied to me about the person that skipped bail.
Never again.

33

Fear of rejection, emasculation, yes I can see those.

Emasculation could include not being good in any ‘manly’ area. For example, auto repair. Some woman’s car has broken down and she looks to me for help, because after all, I have penis and all auto repair information is stored there. So when I’m forced to say, “I don’t know” *that look * crosses her face. That look that says, ‘You’re not a real man’. That sucks. That’s one example.

34

[QUOTE=Suburban Plankton]
I do have one personal example: one of the few times I have been truly frightened, and I think it’s fairly male-specific, although I don’t know how common it is. My wife, in labor with our first child, suddenly being whisked off for an emergency Caesarean, while I stood there helpless and alone.
[/QUOTE]

Exactly the sort of thing I was going to mention. About two years ago, shortly after we’d been married, my wife went in for surgery (was going to have an ovary removed, but wound up not removing it. Long story). I have never felt more helpless than when I watched her being wheeled away, IV in her arm, knowing that she was about to go through something horrible and there was absolutely nothing I could do but smile tell her everything would be fine and be brave for her. When she turned the corner, I felt like I could faint. It was like being punch-drunk.

Oddly, I think women deal with such things better than men, probably because they’ve had to deal with feeling helpless more often than men. Yeah, that sounds horribly sexist of me, but I just mean that, when you’ve had to be on alert frequently for fear of being victimized, you learn to deal with those emotions. Men don’t get that so much.

On a lighter note, would “the sound of the doctor snapping on The Glove” be too glib an answer to the OP?

Oh, one more thing: some car maker has been advertising recently a “heartbeat sensor” that will flash an LED on your car remote if it senses someone in the car. My reaction was, “That’s the stupidest, most useless thing I’ve ever seen.” My wife, on the other hand, thought it was a great idea, because apparently she (and other women as well) have this fear that a Bad Guy might be waiting in the car. Seriously? I mean, you have a remote, so your car has an alarm. What are the odds that some bad guy broke into your car (without doing something obvious like breaking the glass), hung out until the alarm stopped, and then just waited around some more until you turned up? How’d the Bad Guy even knew that the car’s owner was a woman? And on top of that, the commercial showed a woman walking out to her solitary car in a big empty parking lot at night. Don’t women in that situation usually ask a man to walk them to their car? And if the little sensor’s not flashing, do you go “WHEW!” and stride confidently to your car, or do you wonder if the thing’s broken and proceed with caution anyway, which defeats the purpose? The whole thing is just riddled with wrongheadedness…anyway. Seriously, women: is this something y’all want?

35

[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever]
I’ll also echo “being hit in the junk”. That completely and utterly sucks.
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What also sucks? Sitting on your junk. I’ve done that twice.

36

The only thing that comes to mind would be being forced another human being being tortured and or killed. I’ve experienced plenty of violence in my life on both sides of the sword but I’m still here so make of that what you will. But watching someone being burned or cut , it’s not pretty at all. Especially from a couple of feet away.

37

The first thing that I thought of when I saw this thread title was “having the Admiral removed” in some grisly fashion -crushed, cut, sliced, mauled, bit, etc.

Upon reading the OP, I had to mention that for the fear of victimization described in the OP is not something only women go through, as if there is some sort of special shield that protects males but leaves women out.

38

If I can speak for my husband, I know he has a fear of not being able to provide for his family. I’m staying at home with the kids for a few years, but I’ll be back to work soon and I made a decent salary before kids. Even when I’m working, though, he has a lot of anxiety about him being able to support us and keep us under a roof, etc. (and he has a very good, stable job). This is just something I really don’t worry about too much. I mean, I guess I think we’d just figure it out and make do, but he feels such a huge weight on his shoulders about this that I’d classify it as a fear.

39

[QUOTE=Ludovic]
Care of children: it doesn’t rise to the levels of domestic abuse, but it’s a bit frightening to be entrusted with the care of a child you don’t know too well, for obvious reasons. Women certainly might fear they would be pegged as a violent overseer, but with men there is the additional sexual fear as well.
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A very good point, and one that my boss and I have talked about recently. We’re prosecutors (he does felonies, I do misdemeanors), and we recently had a sexual assault case come in that involved a man and one of his daughter’s friends. My boss told me that, even if nothing happened, the guy was stupid to even allow himself to end up in that kind of situation. As he put it, “If my daughter has friends over, I’m never alone with them. If my wife’s going shopping, I say, ‘take both of them with you.’”

So: fear of being accused of something improper. It’s not a huge fear, but it’s there.

40

All these posts and no one’s mentioned vagina dentata (and thank you, AHunter3, for pointing out this looming fear that many women live with. I wish you could have told the gy who asked me for the time the other night that I wasn’t being a bitch, I just didn’t feel like stopping on an unlit street, especially one with an alleyway. And that’s how a local rapist got many of his victims two years ago.)