Well I think It’s because the thread is asking for the opinions of men. Not being an ass mind you.
I agree that this is a really good one. As a woman, I never ever think about this. Not only does my husband have to think about being alone with kids (because of what he could be accused of), but he has to be very aware at work about being alone with female patients or coworkers. I remember once when I was working that I was in a male coworkers office talking to him about something work-related. Someone else came in and when he left, closed the door behind him. The man I was speaking with got up and opened the door. He apologized, saying he just needed to be mindful of these things. No problem, but it wouldn’t have occured to me if it had been my office.
Reminds me of the guy in the “what’s the most notable thing you’ve stepped in/on?” thread and he had to admit, his penis.
My husband - hockey coach - fears this as well. He is super-careful never to be alone with any of the players or anything - one malicious allegation and your life is ruined
Seems to me that the ideas of emasculation, inability to provide for the family, inability to protect the family, and so on… they’re all variations on a deep-seated fear of failure.
The “one in four” statistic, and its variants, have been widely discredited. Here’s a nice article summarizing the debate. Here’s a link (warning: PDF) to the DoJ report he mentions - the main portion is on page 18, companion study on pages 20-21: One study came up with 1.7%; the other with 0.16
Keep in mind also that nearly 50% of rape claims turn out to be false (Link), and that saying that one was raped over a form/telephone survey is much less of a credibility strain than filing a report. Thus, we could expect some inflation of numbers, even in the DoJ report. Naturally, one must also deal with unreported cases, but the stats for that are much fuzzier.
In response to the OP, there are now many legal situations in which a man is at a gross disadvantage in respect to a female. The false rape claims above, for example, are extremely damaging, and it’s difficult to reclaim your character after such an accusation, even one with no legal merit. Domestic violence is similar, as Ludovic pointed out, with the man pretty much assumed to be guilty regardless of the facts of the case. Tom Wolfe had a relevant passage in I am Charlotte Simmons, in which a boorish jock who was harrassing the protagonist was instantly silenced when a friend insinuated that she could bring up (spurious) charges of sexual harassment.
I’ll vote for this one as well. The false allegation is kind of a failure-to-protect fear turned back on itself.
Most of mine are crotch related.
Realizing a ball is hurdling at your crotch…
Walking across a fallen tree to cross a stream and begining to slip…
Trying to ski around a tree but getting your tips going on opposite sides…
All terrifying moments and probably akin to being a woman alone with a creepy guy. Things will probably turn out all right. You will probably be able to move out of the way of the ball, or land on your butt when you fall, etc. and you will probably not be raped by the creepy guy, but knowing that a bad thing may be about to happen is scary.
“What are you going to do about it?”
“Well I guess I could kill myself”
“Say you really are a good sport.”
Good call. My list would be fear of bullies/physical cowardice (the dreaded “kick sand in the face” scenario); being laid off from work; rejection by the opposite sex; being shown to be technically/manually inadequate (unable to change a lightbulb, fix the car, patch the roof). All can be lumped under Fear of Being Shown to be Less Than a Real Man.
I don’t think I have a uniquely male perspective on fear of rejection type stuff, and others’ perception of my macho-ness isn’t something I care about outside of its “tactical” usefulness.
I would agree that failure to be able to provide (or at least contribute–my wife makes much more money than I do) and failure to be able to protect are two very strong fears that men have, probably more so than your average woman. Say what you will about modern relationships and homogenous gender roles, but society has certain expectations of men, and we of ourselves. There are things that I believe men are just hardwired to worry about, whether circumstances warrant or not.
My greatest fear of all would be something along the lines of the visit from the Highway Patrolman after Wifeface has been late coming home, but that doesn’t really answer the question. If I had to pick something “male” I’d say the inablity to protect my family from some sort of physical danger would be top on my list. It’s something that pops into my head, ever so subtly, and stays there every time we go anywhere or even have the front door unlocked.
Having to walk around puffing up your balls at every other man around is something that I wonder if a lot of women realize we hate having to do, but we’re compelled do it, so there you go. That tiny, niggling bit of paranoia has probably cause a lot more problems than it’s solved.
Wow. Here I am, owner of testicles for 35 years, and it is not a daily fear that I might be smacked in them. In fact, it’s only when I’m around little kids about waist height, fast-moving balls and sticks, that I even think I might get one in the goolies.
I would second the being around little kids alone one. I was an elementary teacher for some time, and it never bothered me until a friend was accused of looking up a girl’s skirt. Of course the girl was a discipline problem. She sat in the front row, and one day she blurts out, “Stop looking up my skirt Mr. ___!” Nothing happened to him but it was a nasty reminder of what could happen if a kid decided to take it to the next level.
Anytime I walk around a group of alpha male types - gang of teens, frat boys, bikers, Aggie fans, whatever - blocking a sidewalk or a door where they know they’re impeding people’s progress - and I have to either say “excuse me” or ask them to move, I get apprehensive. Because they’re usually doing this as a dominance display, just hoping that someone accidentally shoves them, or gives them an excuse to start some shit. Now if I’m with friends, no worries. But if there’s alcohol around and it’s late and I’m alone… that’s not a good time for me.
Oh, and hearing a creak, or some sound that insinuates that someone is in your house. You’re a guy, you have to go investigate. Luckily I have never had to do this in reality, but I have gotten up when the wife claims to have heard something, Maglite in hand, ready to cave the dome in of a cat burglar.
Getting a nut caught in your pants isn’t very good. It’s very unexpected. Getting all tangled up in yourself anf pulling farther than you should…well…it sucks.
The worst is playing racketball and bending over, preparing for the next shot…and then you take the next shot right in the balls. Completely unexpected and blinding pain.
I think about it. It’s probably number one on my list of Reasons I’m Glad Not To Be a Guy.
Same here. I don’t worry about that any more than I worry about cancer or heart disease, and considerably less than I worry about being struck by a car while crossing the street.
I also don’t invest much apprehension into premonitions of being emasculated, castrated, etc. And that includes being chomped on by some hypothetical gal who’s got one of them there vagina dentata things down below. (Do they have to see the vaginal dentist for regular checkups? Floss after sex? Does the tampon string get stuck in between their teeth?)
Accused or arrested for rape or inappropriate sexual interest in a minor, etc: yeah, I’ve had some troubling daydreams about that sort of thing.
whoops - wrong thread
Nuts seem to be some kind of karmic justice meted out by God. “If women are going to have periods and carry children, I’m going to put your most sensitive organs BETWEEN YOUR LEGS where crossbars, glancing blows, small children, and projectiles can cause you wincing pain at any time.” He managed to put ovaries inside of women, didn’t He?
Snagged nuts, getting nut hair caught in zippers… that’s bad stuff.
The whole “being hit in the nuts” thing seems way off base for this thread. Yes, it hurts. A lot. All guys know this. But fear of being in pain is hardly uniquely male, even if the body part in question is. And comparing it to the fear of being raped is just stupid. There aren’t support groups out there for men who have taken a shot in the nads.
For a proper rape-fear analogy, I think it has to be emotionally devastating, and the result of deliberate victimization of another party. It’s got to be something that makes you afraid of another person, and affects how you interact with people in general. A lot of women don’t go to the laundrymat at night, because they’re afraid someone will rape them. Correspondingly, a lot of men don’t ______ because they’re afraid someone will _____. How do we fill in those blanks?
I think the best answer so far is “fear of false accusation of rape.” It’s pretty uniquely male, in that women are very seldom accused of rape. It can be emotionally devastating, as the stigma of just the accusation can lead one to be ostracized. And it makes many men alter how they behave around other people, as testified by the men in this thread who avoid being left alone with their daughters’ friends.
Another possibility would be losing custody of your children. Family courts have a strong bias in favor of mothers, and I suspect that there are quite a few fathers out there who are afraid their wives will use that to their advantage during divorces, drastically reducing the father’s prescence in their children’s lives, or even eliminating it altogether.
Watching your child being born.
It’s like “Oh shit, I can’t indulge in fantasies of just moving to another town to avoid the drama I create. I am actually responsible for this person and no longer have the right to curl up under my blankets and let time pass by as a way to deal with my problems. If I turn my back for a second she could roll off the chair and hurt herself and it would be ALL MY FAULT!!!”
The reason this isn’t negated by your reference to marriage IMO, is that you do not have the luxury of indulging the trauma of it. You have to suck it up, there really isn’t a second option. Society looks very poorly upon men who fail to suck it up.
The idea of having trouble being gentle enough to touch a grown woman properly becomes even more frightening when the woman is only 7 lbs, can’t articulate her problems effectively and has no immune system to speak of.
The thread didn’t ask for something that men go about perpetually thinkiong about. It didn’t ask about the Male Equivalent of Fear of Rape. It asked about a Universally Frightening Experience. Gettin’ whacked in the balls is dead-on. It’s universal, esoecially after you’ve been hit the first time.