[QUOTE=Max Torque]
My boss told me that, even if nothing happened, the guy was stupid to even allow himself to end up in that kind of situation. As he put it, “If my daughter has friends over, I’m never alone with them. If my wife’s going shopping, I say, ‘take both of them with you.’”
[/QUOTE]
I have never thought of that.
I am never EVER having daughters.
See, I thought about making “deliberate victimization” a criterion, but then thought, “Is that something men even worry about?” But yes, Miller, that’s the sort of thing I’m going for.
Also, as to the “uniquely male” aspect- it doesn’t necessarily have to only happen to men. But if it is something that can happen to either sex (failure to provide for the family) I’d like it to be something that affects men differently or men fear more.
Re: prison. Yes, prison would fulfill most of the criteria, but it’s uncommon for a law-abiding citizen to go to prison, and lacking the sort of helplessness that the other responses have. A law-abiding citizen has little reason to fear prison.
But, the fears of being accused of molestation or rape are good, that’s the sort of thing I was looking for. I’d never given being alone with children a passing thought.
CalMeacham, I’ll have to echo someone else’s sentiment that fear of pain isn’t unique to men. I know, I don’t have balls, so I’ll never know the pain of getting hit in them, but I don’t quite think a shot to the nuts can be called traumatic. Unless, after the first time you got hit in the balls, you started wearing a cup or walking around, nuts in hand, like those soccer players when they form a wall.
[QUOTE=mswas]
Watching your child being born.
It’s like “Oh shit, I can’t indulge in fantasies of just moving to another town to avoid the drama I create. I am actually responsible for this person and no longer have the right to curl up under my blankets and let time pass by as a way to deal with my problems. If I turn my back for a second she could roll off the chair and hurt herself and it would be ALL MY FAULT!!!”
The reason this isn’t negated by your reference to marriage IMO, is that you do not have the luxury of indulging the trauma of it. You have to suck it up, there really isn’t a second option. Society looks very poorly upon men who fail to suck it up.
The idea of having trouble being gentle enough to touch a grown woman properly becomes even more frightening when the woman is only 7 lbs, can’t articulate her problems effectively and has no immune system to speak of.
[/QUOTE]
I think this is a fear, though, that women have, too. I know when I had my first kid, it was overwhelming to think that I was completely responsible for this person’s life and one mistake could mean serious injury or death. Now that both of my kids are out of the physically fragile infant stage, I worry constantly about whether I’m going to screw them up psychologically.
Watching your wife in labor, though, I can see as being a uniquely male fear. My husband did okay with the first one. During the second, though, the baby and I got into some trouble and we were raced to the OR. They didn’t have time to get my husband prepped, so he stood in the hall while they offered him tea and cookies. Not an easy moment for him. I wasn’t scared because I was right there, felt like I had some control over the situation, and witnessed the moment everything turned out okay (plus, I was in that too much adrenaline to be really scared mode). He was having images of his wife and baby in dire circumstances and what he would do raising his other child by himself.
I worked as a bouncer in a strip club, and within my first month there was an attempted robbery after we closed. One of the managera and I were trying to get out the side door and there were 2 gun shots. Later when the police let us back in I say that the gunshots were just above my head and the second was just to my left. That was scary :eek:
[QUOTE=Omegaman]
But watching someone being burned or cut , it’s not pretty at all. Especially from a couple of feet away.
[/QUOTE]
Heh. I do that all the time. 'Course they’re under anesthesia and don’t feel either the scalpel or the cautery.
Both pregnancy and child support have been mentioned. I’m nearing the end of 17 years of paying CS. I’m retiring in a few years.
From here on out, it’s post-menopausal babes for me.
[QUOTE=RedRosesForMe]
For men, these two things are pretty mutually exclusive. Getting your penis stuck or caught in anything is about the closest I can come to fulfilling all 4 of your requirements…and prison rape.
[QUOTE=RedRosesForMe]
But, the fears of being accused of molestation or rape are good, that’s the sort of thing I was looking for. I’d never given being alone with children a passing thought.
[/QUOTE]
Huh. I’m a parent of a daughter (and a son), and a former Little League coach – and the fear of false accusations never once crossed my mind. Fortunately, my kids are grown and my coaching days are over.
On a tangent, though, being a parent opens you up to a special fear that all parents know, and non-parents will never feel: being in public with your kids, and not being able to see/find them. A few moments of absolute horror.
Stepping off the bus at basic training. I’m surprised no one’s mentioned it, because it used to be as universal as it is frightening.
Woman used to be a dude.
Or
Woman is a dude with a pretty face.
[QUOTE=C3]
I think this is a fear, though, that women have, too. I know when I had my first kid, it was overwhelming to think that I was completely responsible for this person’s life and one mistake could mean serious injury or death. Now that both of my kids are out of the physically fragile infant stage, I worry constantly about whether I’m going to screw them up psychologically.
Watching your wife in labor, though, I can see as being a uniquely male fear. My husband did okay with the first one. During the second, though, the baby and I got into some trouble and we were raced to the OR. They didn’t have time to get my husband prepped, so he stood in the hall while they offered him tea and cookies. Not an easy moment for him. I wasn’t scared because I was right there, felt like I had some control over the situation, and witnessed the moment everything turned out okay (plus, I was in that too much adrenaline to be really scared mode). He was having images of his wife and baby in dire circumstances and what he would do raising his other child by himself.
[/QUOTE]
Yeah, when we were in a childbirth class I suddenly had the thought of what would happen if my wife died in childbirth. How would I be able to handle it? My Father raised me alone from when I was 4 when my Mother died until he married my Step-Mom when I was 7. I watched it crush him, and pretty well understood what was going on at the time. The terror that washed over me was intense. The labor went just fine and I was there the whole time. The thing that is strange is to look at this little baby and realize that she doesn’t have another Daddy, that if I were gone she just wouldn’t have one.
[QUOTE=Commodore Penguin]
Upon reading the OP, I had to mention that for the fear of victimization described in the OP is not something only women go through, as if there is some sort of special shield that protects males but leaves women out.
[/QUOTE]
Yeah. A close friend and I -“lookin’ like a couple of faggots” which we were, but it was none of THEIR business- were mugged last night. In the nice part of town. Nose is broken now and I’ve ruined a shirt from blood, got a few other cuts and scrapes but otherwise OK (friend is fine, they beat up on me instead of him which I’m glad of). So, yeah, like I said, there’s no anti-victimization shield that protects men forever and leaves women to the wolves.
[QUOTE=Commodore Penguin]
Yeah. A close friend and I -“lookin’ like a couple of faggots” which we were, but it was none of THEIR business- were mugged last night. In the nice part of town. Nose is broken now and I’ve ruined a shirt from blood, got a few other cuts and scrapes but otherwise OK (friend is fine, they beat up on me instead of him which I’m glad of). So, yeah, like I said, there’s no anti-victimization shield that protects men forever and leaves women to the wolves.
[/QUOTE]
That really sucks. I hope you’re going to be OK.
If a man is dimunitive of stature and is overweight/out of shape, like I am – not much over five feet, need to lose about seventy pounds – a lot of the assumed “male physical superiority over women” is just not there! I rarely think about it, but I figure just about anybody could beat me up easily! So I guess there is some fear of some larger, more physically intimidating fellow bullying me and beating me up! Oddly enough, this never happened to me at all during my childhood or teenage years.
When I was a graduate student at a predominantly black university, quite a number of people enjoyed intimidating me (and other white students). One time, when I was just walking down a hallway, this enormous black fellow shoved me down to the floor! He was about 6’6" and built like a weightlifter! That was very frightening – the scariest thing about the situation was that NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON who saw him shove me made any attempt to help me at all! He did not do anything else to me except call me some names, thank God, but that was a very unnerving experience!
Ever since then, I have been much more aware of my small size, physical frailty, etc., in comparison to just about any other male (and plenty of females!). If someone attacked me I would need help! And sometimes people are not going to offer any! That idea is frightening!
I can’t think of anything guy-specific that wouldn’t translate to women. Pain is pain whether it’s emotional or physical. About the only thing that might qualify is a child showing up on my doorstep with a picture of a former girlfriend.
I suppose the dating ritual is a little scarier for guys because they risk rejection. When it’s a stranger it’s no big deal but if it involves a circle of friends it’s demoralizing on 2 levels.
I don’t think the example given at the start of the thread is female specific. I’ve been in bar brawls where the likelihood of guns existed (and were later found).
I had a guy that looked like Charles Manson due a U-turn and follow me after I turned onto a country road to get away from his weird behavior. Pulled into a parking lot and pulled a knife out of the glove compartment hoping I didn’t just pull into the OK corral. As luck would have it I pulled into a police union parking lot. Charley drove off.
[QUOTE=Sailboat]
War.
[/QUOTE]
I don’t know. American wars tend to happen somewhere else. Terrorism does seem to be a more common fear though
[QUOTE=gytalf2000]
If a man is dimunitive of stature and is overweight/out of shape, like I am – not much over five feet, need to lose about seventy pounds – a lot of the assumed “male physical superiority over women” is just not there! I rarely think about it, but I figure just about anybody could beat me up easily!
[/QUOTE]
Actually, little men scare me more than big ones. If I get my ass kicked by some 6’4" guy, whatever. That’s expected. If I get into a fight with someone 5’3" I can’t win. At best I’m a bully and at worst I got beat up by someone half my size.
I was going to say “bears” but I would include that with a general fear of getting into conflict with something or someone irresistably powerfull compared to you
[QUOTE=athelas]
In response to the OP, there are now many legal situations in which a man is at a gross disadvantage in respect to a female. The false rape claims above, for example, are extremely damaging, and it’s difficult to reclaim your character after such an accusation, even one with no legal merit. Domestic violence is similar, as Ludovic pointed out, with the man pretty much assumed to be guilty regardless of the facts of the case. Tom Wolfe had a relevant passage in I am Charlotte Simmons, in which a boorish jock who was harrassing the protagonist was instantly silenced when a friend insinuated that she could bring up (spurious) charges of sexual harassment.
[/QUOTE]
I came into this thread 1. to mention sexual harassment accusations as being a possible male fear, and 2. to mention Tom Wolfe’s terrific writing on the day-to-day intricacies of male power jockeying. I might even posit Wolfe, over, say, Hemingway, as the writer whose work is definitively “male.” Even I Am Charlotte Simmons is basically about male power-plays and pecking orders despite having a woman’s name as the title.