So I’ve never had a burning desire for kids. I’m a teacher. I feel fortunate that I get to be around kids and their fun energy…but never have I really ever woken up wanting to be a father.
I’m almost 34. I sometimes wonder if maybe some part of my heart is blackened…I remember at one point with my ex…I said to her “Y’know, I think you’d be a good mother, and I’d be ok with having kids if you wanted them.” For a short time, around 2 months before we broke up…my mind changed. Of course then the break up happened and that feeling has never returned. I wonder if somewhere deep inside it still exists. Makes me wonder as I try and date people again…should I advertise that maybe one day I would be willing? I have no idea how to measure if I would ever have that desire again. It took 2 1/2 years of a relationship with my ex to consider that idea.
I also wonder if I don’t desire kids…maybe I’m doomed to live alone.
When did you realize as a man you wanted to have children?
For me, in my early 30s. I was in a stable relationship with stable income. We owned a house. One correction – I didn’t want kids, I wanted a kid. My wife would have liked more, but she was happy with one. And it was not a burning desire. More like a realization that that was the next thing I should do. I don’t regret it, even though things didn’t turn out exactly as we had planned.
My husband always wanted kids, so he knew when he was in his 20s. But he didn’t want them enough to force the idea on me. I never wanted them until He went to Iraq, and I realized I could lose him, and I wanted a legacy of him. If I’d never married him, I wouldn’t have a child. I never had the burning desire, say, to be a single parent.
By the time I came to this realization, I was 37, so we knew, it was probably going to be just one child, but that was OK with him. He really never wanted more than two, and one was enough for him. We talked about adopting another one if it seemed like being an only child was a bad thing, but our son is fine with it.
He is a great Dad, and I am in the upper 50th percentile of mothers (the bar is a lot higher for women), and our son is doing very well.
I got pregnant two weeks after he got back from Iraq.
You see…this is sort of what I like to hope is normal…all dating now seems to want that card determined and up front on the third date…I had a similar feeling before we broke up…I don’t know if I could ever say yes to kids with a person without having built up trust and bonding with them first.
I’m not really sure. I was never really in a place where having kids was a priority, until it seemed like my wife and I were at a point in our lives where we could welcome kids in–and then we had a couple. It kind of flowed for us. It was in my mid-thirties, if that matters; I guess it was more about our family than about an abstract “I MUST BE A DAD!” desire.
But my brother has no desire to have kids, and I’m pretty sure that’s a firm dating requirement for him, and he’s got no lack for partners.
By the time I was sexually active at 17, I knew I’d never want to be a parent. When I was 19 I married a woman who had always felt the same way, and 47 years later we remain best friends, happily married, and childless. We’ve talked about it a few times over the years, and to date neither of us has ever had even a moment’s regret.
I always wanted kids. But I didn’t feel ready until my late 30s. I have two. I actually would have done fine, I think having kids early (like early 20s), but once I kind of really set off exploring on my own, I wanted to hold off for awhile.
I am 53 and there is no point in my life when I wanted kids. My ex wife didn’t want them and I would have gone along if she did I think. My parents and step parents were so fucking up and dysfunctional and having kids would have made them be in my life much more was a main reason for me. Enough is enough.
I think I always wanted to be a father. Fortunately we had one child before unfortunately we could have no more. I also wanted very much to be a grandfather, but our only is now 40 and divorced for 10 years so I don’t think it’s going to happen.
When I was a pre teen I knew I wanted children. The desire never changed and I have a couple and would be thrilled to have a few more if it weren’t so rough on my wife.
I am 29. I don’t want kids yet, but I do know that if I go my whole life without them, I’ll regret it. So I suppose I want kids in the “The future me wants them, so I will do things for future me’s sake” sense.
I was 16 when I realized I did not want kids. Fast forward to my early retirement at age 55, I believe made possible by my age 16 decision, and I had no regrets. My early retirement was 17 years ago and I feel the same.
I always wanted kids, specifically at least one daughter because there are too many boys in my family. I got my first daughter at 29 and the second at 33. That was the main reason I got married in the first place. I didn’t make a very good husband but being a good father comes naturally to me. The girls are a lot of time, work and money but I don’t regret any of it and don’t think my life would be complete if I didn’t have them for whatever reason. I consider parenthood the single most important thing to me by far but I also don’t think it is for everyone.
My brother Ed had all kinds of stages about it; he wanted to be a father but his wife didn’t want children until she’d solved some issues she had on the subject, so he eventually and as he did with many other things decided that he didn’t want kids either (and those who knew him would give him funny looks and remark among ourselves on how he always spoke about not wanting children in the plural); later when she solved them and was all “ok, so we’re going to get pregnant on X date so I have the child by Y and then…” (her plans are like that; reality disagreed), then he wasn’t sure he wanted to be a father, and when he saw his son looking at him he pretty much melted down (which I understand to be a very normal reaction).
My brother Jay has never particularly wanted to be a father, but also never particularly wanted to not be a father. For him, fatherhood has been a function of couplehood since as far as he can remember, and still is. Perfectly happy with the kid they have, too.