Fucking GIVE IT A REST. No one said that. No one is saying you are an evil person and no one needs any more proof of what a dandy person you are.
It’s clear you have a tough row to hoe and people respect that. If you need to keep laying down more hardship information and throwing more sarcasm on the fire, your motivation are starting to smell like something else other than “needing to explain” your situation.
This is completely fair, you can choose to spend your money wherever you want, but SS said she can’t pay for the SDMB because she needs to pay for her autistic daughter’s therapy equipment. Metacom said it just right, she is choosing to not pay for the SDMB, because she indeed has other luxuries she could very easily trade for this, and chooses not to. She doesn’t want to admit that it is a choice, she wants to claim that she just doesn’t have the money, can’t possibly scratch out $5 from her budget without harming her daughter.
That’s simply not true, as DSeid pointed out, she spends more than that every week on bottled water. Heck, she could probably come up with $5 in a week by buying Walmart brand water by the gallon instead of Dasani by the bottle. She chooses otherwise, but wants us to believe she just can’t possibly pay.
That’s right, but it sure makes her OP lose a lot of credibility.
SS - stay or go, I don’t give a shit. I don’t doubt you have a horrible time raising your daughter but reading your OP with the additional information about the water sure makes it look like you were over dramatizing and I can’t help but think you over played the sympathy card.
Yes. Stop using your child as an excuse for everything. I too have a special needs child, but I wouldn’ t dream of coming on here and acting like a martyr about it.
If someone wants to help you out, let them do it or shut up.
I gotta chime in on yosemitebabe’s side of the discussion here. If we’re talking about everyday kind of expenses (as opposed to really expensive stuff), the phrase “I can’t afford it” is necessarily a value judgement. It means, plain and simple, that “my money only goes so far toward buying the things I want, and this falls below the cutoff in the list of priorities.” But that’s an awfully long-winded phrase, so “I can’t afford it” does the linguistic job nicely. If I say I can’t afford something, that doesn’t mean you couldn’t possibly rearrange my spending so that I could. So SanguineSpider drinks Dasani – so what? If she then says “I can’t afford 5 bucks for SDMB,” that means it’s a lower priority than the water. That’s all.
I was frankly rather appalled when I saw a few people posting sentiments to the effect of “how could anyone possibly not afford $5 for SDMB?” Well, for some people, money is very tight. A statement like that can only make them feel worse about their situation and the choices they make. What those choices may be are none of my business, nor anyone’s but their own (and the people they provide for).
Okay, I’ve said my piece. I’m climbing down off the stump now.
Oh, yes… I’m a martyr. You’ve nailed it.
Jesus called, he wants. . . . . .
Oh never mind.
Well, that’s fine. Everybody has priorities. However, if someone’s priorities are such that they could afford it, if they just <smoked a pack less of cigarettes a day for a couple of day, drank tap or cheap bottled water instead of Evian, stayed home and ate a couple of cold sandwiches rather than going to McD’s>…but they choose not to…why should they hope to be given a free pass on a pay service? Or why should they mourn their exclusion from said pay service?
I just don’t get this. I’m not picking on you, SanguineSpider, just this whole mess in general. My friend just got back from Hawaii. I’d love to go to Hawaii, but I’m a student and school expenses come first. I can’t afford to visit Hawaii. So what do I do? I don’t go to Hawaii. I’m OK with that. I don’t raise a fuss and point out to everyone who will listen that I can’t go to Hawaii because I am going to school instead, I don’t point out how much school costs, and try to prove to everyone how hard off I am because I can’t go to Hawaii. I accept my position, and that’s that. I put my needs (school) above my wants (Hawaii), deal with it, and move on.
Spider, I know it feels odd to accept money for something frivolous like this message board. But go over to the donation thread in ATMB. The people there aren’t just offering scholarships because they want to help you out, although many of them want to do that too. No, they are offering scholarships because they like the SDMB and want it to continue. Yes, they are greedy bastards who want you to stay here only because they are endlessly amused by the antics of us lesser mortals. Ayn Rand would be proud.
If you go over there you’ll see that there are at least 50 scholarship offers on the table. There are people lining up to give away money, it seems far more offers of money than people who need scholarships. So if you accepted a scholarship you aren’t doing anything wrong.
I think over 90% of the people on this message board would be happy to pay the $5 scholarship of a mother of an autistic child who had to give up working to be a full time caregiver. Even if they knew that mother spent money on bottled water, or occasionally rented a movie, or whatever. Nobody pried the money out of the donor’s hands or attached strings to it. So, just accept the generosity of a semi-anonymous stranger, who is giving to fulfill their own need to have an interesting place on the internet to go to. Listen, someone in your position is going to have to learn to accept generosity gracefully. I know it can be difficult. But accepting the help gracefully makes the giver feel good. Being conflicted about it makes the whole thing awkward.
Just accept the donation, and resolve to help someone else out later if you ever find yourself in a position to do so. See how easy it is?
yosemite,
Just to clarify. I only entered this thread because I have a strong interest in autism, and then read the thread anyway.I did not dig around for dirt. I was just lurking on the water thread in progress and saw her defending spending money on bottled tap water as worth it. Again, her call. The point is only that she opened this thread because Metacom said that he had a hard time believing that there were too many people who really couldn’t afford $5 for a year, and Sanguine pitted him, saying that it was a choice between this and her kids therapies. No, it wasn’t. It is choice between this and buying the gallon jugs for a few weeks. If it isn’t worth it to her, then fine. If having her stay anyway, when it isn’t worth going without bottled tap for a few weeks (she can still let her kid drink it, but not herself and just take a little longer) is worth it to someone else that they want to front her, then also fine. But metacom did not deserve the pitting for saying truth. It is a question of what’s worth it to you, not that you can’t swing a penny and a half a day.
Where, oh where, has my little OP gone?
The water isn’t an issue, really. It’s a hijack. My main point was that Metacom couldn’t see anyone not having enough cash on hand to pay for a subscription. I was trying, unsuccessfully, to show him that everyone’s life is different and priorities are different. I never changed my mind three times as haj stated. I announced my goodbye once but before that I told RNATB I didn’t know if I could accept a sponsor. This is drama?? My explanation may seem long-winded to some. I was only showing Metacom a bit of my life so that he could maybe understand my OP.
Also, I’m not the only one making epic goodbyes on the boards. There is nothing wrong with saying goodbye and naming names. Only I get “drama” attached to mine? I’m not offended, angered, or enraged by the numerous threads about payment for the Dope or who’s staying/leaving. Why does this stuff make some people so angry? You can ignore it, therefore saving the veins from popping out of your neck or killing yourself with the stress. No… no, you must spew hate and anger towards others in each and every related thread. For what purpose, I ask.
To put others down? To keep the boards moving fast?
I’m sure each person who made a staying/going/subscription thread thought they were doing so first. Not everyone scrolls down to see the complete list of threads before they post a new one. Shame on them, right? Ask a question about it, even with several threads on the subject going? GOOD GOD, don’t you friggin’ dare! You deserve all the acid spewed your way, is that it? Go pop some Rolaids before your stomach ulcer flares up. Count to ten and breathe deeply. Or better yet… truly ignore the threads of which you detest. Ignore them and shut the fuck up.
Fuck fuck fuck.
I think the problem here is that YOU are the one making a big deal out of it Sanguine. Oh, you can’t get five dollars together, or don’t want to? OK, fine. I"m done.
Then you come in here and claim people are calling you a mooch or a princess or whatever and making it a big fucking deal when it isn’t and then ANNOUNCE PUBLICLY how so many folks wanted to help you, going so far as to use a BOLDED CODE NAME SPONSOR BUDDY, but then also tell us that you couldn’t possibly accept such a gift…thus bringing the martyr label.
Why did you mention the sponsor buddy at all?
Your life sounds difficult and harrowing, and as someone who HAS worked with Autistic and Retarded children, I know how it can be an emotional drain. But I think with this thread you went from 0 to Defensive in one post. If this was just your epic goodbye, why post it in the pit? If you don’t like tearing others down, why mention Metacom by name?
If it makes you feel better to think all of us are pointing and calling you names, I guess go ahead…just know it isn’t the truth.
Oh for fuck’s sake sanguine spider get a grip!
Nobody cares that you might be sponsored. Nobody thinks you’re a mooch (well since this thread, there might be a few people who think you are but who cares?) I think it’s completely irrelevant that you have a kid with autism TBH. Are you using it as an excuse to make out that somehow your reason for accepting then not accepting sponsorship is somehow more worthy than anyone else’s?
I’ve had offers of sponsorship too – I have no idea whether this is because of my sterling worth as a poster or whether the person feels sorry for me because of my circumstances. Quite frankly I don’t give a shit. Given that it is only $4.95, I don’t need sponsorship and I’m actually sponsoring someone myself. If things were different or the membership was higher, I’d take sponsorship as long as it came with no crap and no fanfare and no bullshit on the boards.
I could rave on for several pages more about grace and dignity and the like but I need to go and organise my stuff for Disability Q who are coming to assess my fence and consider giving me $1000’s of dollars. Ya betcha that’s taking some swallowing of pride…
Ugh… can I not make it any plainer? I’ve said in various threads, including this one, that there are some folks who are worse off than I am. I’m not using anything as an excuse. My way of life isn’t more or less worthy than anyone elses as I’ve tried to point out in my OP. I have this situation, people have others and that’s what I was trying to explain to Metacom. I can’t pit a person by name? Oh, excuse me. I see it done all the time. If I wanted to put someone down, you’d know it but I didn’t do that.
This is not the place for goodbyes and you assume I was posting such here. I’m replying to posts as others reply to mine, this isn’t making a big deal. Or maybe I’m not allowed to reply? Give and take, is that not fair? I am finding that the board has a double standard. “Do as I say, not as I do” with regards to some of the posters. “Shut up and take my opinion” but I’m not allowed to have one? And, I thought it was rather obvious that I had decided to leave (all joking aside, read above posts). If someone can’t tell what’s a freakin’ joke or sarcasm, it’s not my fault. I’ll post until time’s up, regardless.
I mentioned a name because I wanted folks to know he was being nice. I mentioned in RNATBs thread that if I took the offer, I’d like to know who it was. If that was a mistake, then I apologize. It was not intended as a dramatic flair at all, none of this was. I’m a playful person and I’ve got a off-kilter sense of humor, and I will respond most of the time this way, hence the silly “goodbye”. Only in serious threads will I be serious. And I’ve already apologized for assuming things of Metacom. I wish people would read all of the posts before they blast me but that might be asking too much. Given the numbers of threads total I’ve started, the words “attention whore” don’t come to mind. This is also my second or third pitting EVER.
No, you didn’t just explain your life to demonstrate how some posters have different life circumstances. You gave more details than you needed to make that point. You have a special needs kid, who takes a lot of your time, energy and resources. We got that. We would have gotten that without the details. But that’s not really drama–hey, you’re living those details every day and I appreciate that.
What makes it drama is your use of wounded, melodramatic sarcasm to say things like (I paraphrase) “I suppose I am EVIL for accepting someone’s offer…” and pretended as though you were having to Fight the Good Fight to justify to other Dopers why you live with your parents, etc.
Come on.
Hey Cranky, what has eight legs and goes, “meeee meeee meeee?” 
Haj
(Don’t hate me, it was just a joke)
See? Humor…
I’m all about the love, baby.
While I still believe it’s not my business as to why you, or anyone cannot or feels they cannot afford $5, I will say I can appreciate your circumstances. I thought some of your wording in this thread was a bit over the top, but this post made your perspective a little clearer for me. I don’t see you attempting to portray yourself as a martyr, since you have owned some of your own shit. It took some balls to say what you did in the above quote, IMHO. I don’t think you need to justify your decisions to anyone, and the problem here seems to be that you felt you did. I don’t see this thread getting any better for you, with you continuing to do that. I understand feeling like you need to defend yourself, but really, I don’t see it making you feel any better.
My best guess is, there’s a lot of people who don’t judge other people one way or the other on whether they are paying to stay a member here or not, some have even stated it in this thread (even people you are arguing with). I look at all of the threads about changing to a paying board, as very similar to the board changes in the not too distant past. A lot of threads on that as well. This will pass, if you let it. 