People invest time and some invest effort composing thoughtful responses to (seemingly serious) inquiries that are presumed to be made in good faith. To find out that the time you’ve invested reading a thread, or much more annoying actually addressing the OP, is wasted because someone wants to make a snarky point about their displeasure with a completely and utterly unrelated circumstance is … well… a real pisser, and makes you look more like a manipualtive attention whore than someone who really wants a question addressed.
Doing some research (i.e. google Scholar), so far the best honest appraisal of polyamory is here:
https://culsnet.law.capital.edu/LawReview/BackIssues/31-3/Strassberg14.pdf
It’s overall conclusion in regards to children is:
(bolding added)
So as yet, the conclusion is that, “Well they might be more conformist than the children of monogamous relationships…” Oh the horror. :dubious:
Just for the record, there’s a difference between polyamorous relationships and “open” ones. That is, there’s a difference between a relationship which involves more than two people but which is inherently stable within that framework and a relationship which involves a number of merely transient sexual partners (eg. “swingers”). I think the latter which be much harder for children to adapt to than the former.
Can the thread title be changed?
Trying to figure out how addicts try to raise children is depressing. But polyamorous relationships which I know nothing about is pretty interesting.
And there’s more different possibilities than the two (three, but only two labelled) that you elucidate:
There’re “swingers”, often complete with clubs, who are looking for short-term generally anonymous sex without relationships. Swingers are generally secretive about their lifestyle, and often present a monogomous front to acquaintances. Or not.
There’re “open marriages”, with two people making a conventional dyad, committed primarily to one another, who also go on dates with other people. These other relationships may be long term or short term, but involve more than just sex. They involve companionship, shared interests, friendship - they involve everything that monogomous peoples’ boyfriends and girfriends do.
There’re “group marriages”, wherein three or more people decide to live as a family unit. These can be further subdivided into polygamous, polygynous or polyandrous - there may be one man with multiple “wives”, one woman with multiple “husbands”, multiple men “married” to multiple women, or any number of primary and secondary relationships between people.
There are other relationships where one primary partner has another lover who may or may not live in, but the other primary partner is never sexual with the lover. In others, everybody sleeps with everybody. Or any variation on the theme.
All of these, and probably a few others I’m leaving out, fall under the umbrella of “polyamorous”, and children may or may not be involved in any of them. That’s one reason why my very first sentance in the other thread was "You’re right that it varies dramatically in different families. "
I think that mine is the style with the most (as someone else put it) effective “firewall” between my children and my sex life. Simply put, they don’t know, and they don’t care. We’ve had a “stable” relationshp for seven years now, we don’t introduce them to our lovers unless the lovers are part of our group of friends (and they’re not introduced as lovers, but as friends), we don’t allow any sexual activity to take place in our home unless it’s between my husband and I behind closed doors, we don’t go out so often that we infringe on family time, we do not stay out all night - we’re always home to wake up as a family in the morning. I can guarantee that unless I told you we were poly, you’d never guess it by living in my household for a year.
So tell me, how am I analogous to a meth addict, again?
Polyamory causes…umm… “Polymouth”!
I did the same thing when I was in first grade. Two boys wanted to be my boyfriend but I couldn’t choose because I didn’t want to hurt the other’s feelings. So, I said that both of them could be my boyfriend.
Normal kid behavior, in my opinion. They haven’t learned about jealousy yet.
Well so far, I think it was just one poster (the OP) going over the top in comparison. I cannot comment for or against your choice other than to say it sounds like it is working for your family. I suspect it is as good a system as the standard, American family but as it is outside the normal, it could end up be harder for your kids. Teens can be shallow and cruel for little reason, but on the other hand most kids survive being an outsider in some way without any major problems.
Jim
Closing threads at the OP’s request is done on a case-by-case basis. We do not want to allow the OP to have the ability to get an automatic “last word” or to avoid criticism or response to an inflammatory post. As some of our users are finding your post inflammatory and insulting, I feel that it is appropriate to allow them to respond (in kind, if they so desire).
This is for the same reason that, barring clear violation of a rule (i.e. spam), we do not delete threads. We expect users to be accountable to what they post, and to automatically close threads at OP request would dodge user accountability.
In moderating, we cannot always have a clear cut definition. My advice would be to use caution in starting a thread as we do not guarantee it will be locked at your request.
The kids are going to find out sooner or later and when they do, they’re going to be devastated. Don’t kid yourself that they won’t. I’ve never heard of one kid who was happy to find out his mom is a slut or that his father is a pussy hound.
Sometimes, when they get angry at one another, one of 'em leaves–and then it’s a polygon.
Walter Windchill
Nice hijack, son, but it would have been slightly more honest if you simply made a pit thread about polyamory rather than hijack someone else’s rant. I really have no problem with your ire about polys but would be much more interested in seeing a pit thread about just that.
Breaking Benjamin - Polyamorous
The day has come to an end
The sun is over my head
My polyamorous friend
You got me in a mess of trouble again
Lest this comment be hijacked into a bunch of self-righteous accusations of name-calling, what I meant by it is that the parents have to be prepared for the very strong possibility that their KIDS will perceive their behavior this way. No matter how carefully the parents compartmentalize, rationalize or conceptualize this stuff, that doesn’t mean the kids are going to see it the same way and the parents should be aware that they could be setting their kids up for a pretty nasty emotional shock down the road.
So just what type of sexual morality do you expound in order to not ‘traumatize’ the children? And how do you want to enforce your morality on others?
I have no opinion on sexual morality (as long as everybody involved is a consenting adult) and no wish to enforce anything on anybody. Does that mean we should pretend that the sexual habits of parents can’t possibly have any negative emotional effect on their children?
Someone has to start by defining which sexual habits are detrimental to children. Then they’d best be prepared to back it up with evidence.
Yep, as I described in that other thread, I was devastated when I found out my father and step-mom were poly.
Oh, wait. No, not devastated. I said “a little freaked out”. I meant “surprised”. Shocked, even.
I got over it.
I think it’s fairly safe to say that having sex WITH children is detrimental, and that damned little else is. As long as parents of any stripe or number keep their sex life private (as it should be) they aren’t harming their kids in any way.
As a parent of grown children I can assure you that no matter how vanilla and mainstream your sex life is, at some point it will gross out your children. That’s part of the normal distancing kids go through as they mature–they have to think of their parents as “other” and part of that involves getting squicked out at the very idea that the old fogies still use their genitalia. Think of your grandparents screwing–see, it works.
I find nothing inherently deleterious in maintaining a polyamorous lifestyle as long as all the kids needs are met and the parents aren’t inappropriately involving or informing their kids of the intimate details of their private lives. By the time the kids are teens and are shuddering and squealing in horror at the very idea of their parents romping in the hay it won’t really matter how they romp or with whom, it will still traumatize the kids in the completely normal and expected manner that coming to terms with the concept “everybody fucks” always does.
In fact, I prefer the inherent honesty of the polys who have made rules and stick to them to the hypocritical “we’re married but cheat and then lie about it when we get caught” that the majority of people indulge in–and make no mistake, cheaters are the majority whether we like it or not.
BTW, my husband’s reading the thread over my shoulder, and we both found this hilarious! 
And thanks for your post, SmartAleq. I agree.