[QUOTE=Incubus]
Walter Windchill
Nice hijack, son, but it would have been slightly more honest if you simply made a pit thread about polyamory rather than hijack someone else’s rant. I really have no problem with your ire about polys but would be much more interested in seeing a pit thread about just that.
[/QUOTE]
How can I hijack a thread I started?
[QUOTE=Walter Windchill]
How can I hijack a thread I started?
[/QUOTE]
Hijacking a thread is taking it in a sudden, abrupt, new direction before the other posters are done discussing the previous topic. You can hijack any thread, including one you’ve started. You don’t “own” a thread you started. It belongs to the collective hive mind now. You’re one of us! One of us! One of us!
[QUOTE=SmartAleq]
…snip…
In fact, I prefer the inherent honesty of the polys who have made rules and stick to them to the hypocritical “we’re married but cheat and then lie about it when we get caught” that the majority of people indulge in–and make no mistake, cheaters are the majority whether we like it or not.
[/QUOTE]
I am not sure I buy this majority of people cheat. Maybe my world view is too narrow, but I do not actually believe the majority of people cheat. I think most people do not cheat but many people do cheat. I have seen reports that puts cheating in the low 20 percentile, but I cannot locate any valuable studies to support what I think, but these less than credible Google finds show:
Anyway, I doubt the Majority of spouses cheat, I even doubt the majority of husbands cheat.
Jim {Don’t and Won’t cheat, but I will lust in my heart as Jimmy Carter once said.}
The thread I was replying to seemed to be talking about my OP.
[QUOTE=Walter Windchill]
The thread I was replying to seemed to be talking about my OP.
[/QUOTE]
Er, the POST I was referring to… etc.
[QUOTE=Walter Windchill]
The thread I was replying to seemed to be talking about my OP.
[/QUOTE]
Er, the POST I was replying to… etc.
[QUOTE=Qadgop the Mercotan]
Someone has to start by defining which sexual habits are detrimental to children. Then they’d best be prepared to back it up with evidence.
[/QUOTE]
Yeah, sure, there’s no reason at all to believe any children would ever be emotionally affected by finding out their parents swingers. They’d all be overjoyed and understand it in the same super-mature fashion that their parents do. There’s no reason for ny parent to ever even CONSIDER that their actions might have negative emotional consequences for their children. Any one who even suggests it’s a POSSIBILITY is an asshole.
[QUOTE=WhyNot]
Yep, as I described in that other thread, I was devastated when I found out my father and step-mom were poly.
Oh, wait. No, not devastated. I said “a little freaked out”. I meant “surprised”. Shocked, even.
I got over it.
[/QUOTE]
Therefore the feelings of your own children deserve no consideration?
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic]
Therefore the feelings of your own children deserve no consideration?
[/QUOTE]
Nope. Therefore your assertion is incorrectly absolute.
Considering how well you know my son and how well I know my son, I know exactly who I believe to be the better judge of how he’ll likely react.
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic]
Yeah, sure, there’s no reason at all to believe any children would ever be emotionally affected by finding out their parents swingers. They’d all be overjoyed and understand it in the same super-mature fashion that their parents do. There’s no reason for ny parent to ever even CONSIDER that their actions might have negative emotional consequences for their children. Any one who even suggests it’s a POSSIBILITY is an asshole.
[/QUOTE]
You are stating it strongly, but I think you are right. I wonder what I am going to say to my kids one day about drug use. I won’t lie to them and say I never used any. I won’t try to tell them that one puff of pot will mess them up for life. All parents have to explain things to their teens one day or be dishonest with them.
I am not sure being in a situation like **WhyNot’s ** will be all that hard to explain. There is nothing inherently wrong with it, it just is not our common American custom. For a while in this country it was accepted that cheating by husbands was normal, or drug use by teens and twenty year old was normal, or racism was normal, or drinking a large cocktail the minute you got home from work was okay. Time change, attitudes change and while I doubt they will change soon enough for polygamous relationships to be viewed as normal, we do not know what 50 years will bring us.
Jim
[QUOTE=What Exit?]
…or drinking a large cocktail the minute you got home from work was okay
[/QUOTE]
It isn’t?
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic]
Yeah, sure, there’s no reason at all to believe any children would ever be emotionally affected by finding out their parents swingers. They’d all be overjoyed and understand it in the same super-mature fashion that their parents do. There’s no reason for ny parent to ever even CONSIDER that their actions might have negative emotional consequences for their children. Any one who even suggests it’s a POSSIBILITY is an asshole.
[/QUOTE]
Don’t be a jerk. It’s already been posted, if not here then in the other thread (IMHO?) that “swinger” is a completely different kettle of fish from “polyamorous.” By definition a swinger is someone who goes for casual sex only encounters with strangers or near strangers. This is NOT the same thing as a poly relationship at all, and you won’t get far in this discussion trying to paint polys with the swinger brush. It makes about as much sense as saying that any person who has ever had a drink is an alcoholic, and carries about the same weight, debate-wise.
It’s probably a better analogy to think of a poly relationship as being just the normal American serial monogamy without the attendant divorces, bad feelings, alimony, child support and abandonment issues.
And I respectfully submit that it’s less traumatic for a child to have an “Uncle Bob” or “Aunt Sally” who shares in parental responsibilities than it is for a child to have to listen to the screaming fights when Mom finds out Dad’s been sleeping with his tennis pro, or when Dad gets pissed about Mom’s chat room activities. It’s not the sex that hurts, it’s the goddamned emotional trauma attendant on IRRESPONSIBLE sex and its sequelae that messes up kid’s heads. Polys are at least defining their boundaries, communicating to ensure agreement and working out their issues in a rational, adult manner and I fail to see how that’s anything other than a positive role model, no matter who’s fucking whom.
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic]
Yeah, sure, there’s no reason at all to believe any children would ever be emotionally affected by finding out their parents swingers. They’d all be overjoyed and understand it in the same super-mature fashion that their parents do. There’s no reason for ny parent to ever even CONSIDER that their actions might have negative emotional consequences for their children. Any one who even suggests it’s a POSSIBILITY is an asshole.
[/QUOTE]
You know, I’ve been known to fuck my husband reverse-cowgirl style, and on more than one occasion he has inserted digits into various orifices which were not, indeed, my mouth. Amazingly this hasn’t effected my kids at all, since they never see us fucking. I’m not saying it’s exactly the same, but I’m not sure what you picture when you think about a couple being “swingers.” A new couple in the house every weekend? Loud gasps and sighs from the guest room and Mommy nowhere to be found? Nice Mrs. Peterson going down on Dad between the salad and the roast?
You’re a fuckin’ pervert.
[QUOTE=Walter Windchill]
It isn’t?
[/QUOTE]
I hope you at least understand, why I {overreacted} to your first few posts. It really is rare that I allow anything on the Dope to get me angry.
I forgot to mention that drinking and driving use to be considered normal.
Jim
[QUOTE=SmartAleq]
And I respectfully submit that it’s less traumatic for a child to have an “Uncle Bob” or “Aunt Sally” who shares in parental responsibilities than it is for a child to have to listen to the screaming fights when Mom finds out Dad’s been sleeping with his tennis pro, or when Dad gets pissed about Mom’s chat room activities. It’s not the sex that hurts, it’s the goddamned emotional trauma attendant on IRRESPONSIBLE sex and its sequelae that messes up kid’s heads. Polys are at least defining their boundaries, communicating to ensure agreement and working out their issues in a rational, adult manner and I fail to see how that’s anything other than a positive role model, no matter who’s fucking whom.
[/QUOTE]
I absolutely agree, but I’m feeling the need to be a bit proactive and say that I’m NOT denigrating monogous relationships as a whole one single bit, nor do I think **SmartAleq **is. I think for some people they work fine. I don’t think (as I’ve been accused of in the past) that we’re any better, more “enlightened”, more moral or more advanced. Everyone should do what’s right for them and the person or people they’ve made commitments to, whether that’s in a heterosexual, homosexual, asexual, mono-, poly-, serial or otherwise.
There are good mono and poly parents and horrid mono and poly parents. There are good, honest, commited monogamists and polygamous and horrid, lying cheating monomists and polyamorists. A good, commited marriage of any type is a better home environment than a horrid, lying cheating marriage of any type.
[QUOTE=SmartAleq]
Don’t be a jerk. It’s already been posted, if not here then in the other thread (IMHO?) that “swinger” is a completely different kettle of fish from “polyamorous.” By definition a swinger is someone who goes for casual sex only encounters with strangers or near strangers. This is NOT the same thing as a poly relationship at all
[/quote]
I already made that distinction myself in my first post and made it clear I was talking parents with a lot of transient, purely sexual encounters, not full blown poly relationships.
[QUOTE=Hamadryad]
You know, I’ve been known to fuck my husband reverse-cowgirl style, and on more than one occasion he has inserted digits into various orifices which were not, indeed, my mouth. Amazingly this hasn’t effected my kids at all, since they never see us fucking. I’m not saying it’s exactly the same, but I’m not sure what you picture when you think about a couple being “swingers.” A new couple in the house every weekend? Loud gasps and sighs from the guest room and Mommy nowhere to be found? Nice Mrs. Peterson going down on Dad between the salad and the roast?
You’re a fuckin’ pervert.
[/QUOTE]
You’re assuming the kids will never find out. I don’t think that’s a safe assumption and the consequences of the kids finding out have to be taken into consideration.
[QUOTE=WhyNot]
Nope. Therefore your assertion is incorrectly absolute.
Considering how well you know my son and how well I know my son, I know exactly who I believe to be the better judge of how he’ll likely react.
[/QUOTE]
Then why are you keeping it a secret from him?
[QUOTE=Lissa]
I did the same thing when I was in first grade. Two boys wanted to be my boyfriend but I couldn’t choose because I didn’t want to hurt the other’s feelings. So, I said that both of them could be my boyfriend.
Normal kid behavior, in my opinion. They haven’t learned about jealousy yet.
[/QUOTE]
Pretty much. How common is it for little kids to have “boyfriends” and “girlfriends”? Pretty damned common. Now all of a sudden it’s sexual? Some people have dirty minds. :dubious:
(I keep thinking of my little cousin, D. We used to tease him when he was in preschool, because it always seemed like he had a new girlfriend every week. Hehehe…cute little kid).
[Quote=Dieogenes the Cynic]
There’s no reason for ny parent to ever even CONSIDER that their actions might have negative emotional consequences for their children. Any one who even suggests it’s a POSSIBILITY is an asshole.
[/Quote]
Diogenes, perhaps I missed it, but on what do you base the assumption that “swinging” and/or polyamorous relationships will be detrimental to children? As far as I can tell, the only evidence introduced on the topic is inconclusive (see: Sage Rat’s post #42). ISTM that the opposition here is more visceral than rational. I don’t see how it’s particularly useful to imply that polyamorous couples (multiplets?) are irresponsible parents in the absence of information one way or the other.