In another shot from the loose cannons amongst The Gang that Couldn’t Shoot Straight, Secretary of Health and Human Services Micheal Leavitt recommended
There’s a Chicken Little joke to be made in here somewhere.
I suppose the 1/4 of the nation that still thinks the federal government is in good hands would say that they’re damned if they don’t (a la Hurricane Katrina) and damned if they do (bird flu), but damn, there’s a difference between warning people of a specific impending disaster headed for a specific place at a specific time, mobilizing all necessary resources to prepare for it and protect people from it, and warning of a menace that’s going to strike but we don’t know when and we don’t know where, urging people to pull up the drawbridges and flood the moats.
Are we supposed to hide under the beds along with our emergency food supplies? And at what point do we cease going out into dangerous, potentially contagion-ridden areas like our local grocery stores?
And if I may have permission to channel Tina Turner for a moment: What’s tuna fish got to do with it?
No, but you could mitigate your risk by getting foodstuffs that are not and cannot be contaminated until you open them (if then).
It’s in small, single-serving cans, it’s nutritious, it’s sealed, and it doesn’t need to be cooked. Geez, man, it’s not like he told you to seal your house, he just gave reasonable advice so you can prepare for a potential epidemic. Big deal.
Thank you, Michael, for your invaluable insights. I’ll write this down under “buy bottled water to store for emergencies.”
Now shut the fuck up and try to actually improve Medicare this year.
Clearly, this shows that Bush has invested heavily in the canned tuna and powdered milk industries. It’s all Halliburton runnning the canneries and milk powdering factories these days.
If the latest reports are correct, we virtually ran out of time. We are also short on the Tamiflu drug that reportedly can deal with the disease, funnily enough Rumsfeld is making killing on that.
Since you are so quick to defend anything that this administration blurts out, maybe you can explain why this nutritious, single-serving fare needs to be stored under a bed where everyone knows you are supposed to be storing back issue of Celebrity Skin.
Well, just in case you’re struck by avian flu. That way you have something to eat if you’re too weak to make it to the kitchen. el, devilled chicken is no good! Bird flu. Chickens are birds, ergo; bad. Isn’t it good to know that the DHHS is concentrating on what we should stock up on in case (when) the virus hits here? Instead of, say, coordinating with the WHO, or allocating help to the various states to make sure everyone is vaccinated, or educating healthcare workers on how to recognize signs and symptoms of the virus? I’m awful, awful glad he’s in charge. I think he’s doing a heck of a job.
Trion… your mother and I hoped we would never have to tell you this. But you’re old enough now, so maybe it’s time that you should know:
U.S. Secretary of Health and Human Services Michael O. Leavitt lives under your bed.
No one really knows why. It’s not just your bed, either; he travels from house to house in the dark of night, concealing himself under the furniture of unsuspecting people all across America. He claims it’s part of his job to check under people’s beds for traces of Ebola, and no amount of argument can convince him otherwise. His tuna-fish suggestion was obviously just a transparently self-serving attempt to net himself some easy snacks as he makes his rounds.
In fairness to the Dept. of HHS, they really have been working hard to focus their efforts on the dire threat of avian flu. This concern is apparent in the department logo on their website, a stylized representation of a group of people intently sniffing a bird’s ass.
