You said to observe how the waiter treats other couples and use common sense. I apparently misinterpreted that. Would you care to shed any light on what you did say?
Nm
Absolutely spot-on. Good post which describes the concept quite accurately, especially the part regarding her response.
It seems odd to me that the people who believe in microaggressions don’t understand how offensive and aggressive a term like “microaggression” is.
I think you’ll find that as patently obvious a point this may be to you, it’s going to require some more exposition for other people to understand it.
Aggressive toward whom?
The concept of “Microaggressions” goes hand in hand with “Hate Crimes”. In both cases, it is a way to vastly increase the intrusiveness of the law, and expand the scope of litigation. Once made, the charge of microaggression will be almost impossible to defend against, and judges will be free to add anything they want onto punishments.
it is another chapter in the transition of the USA, from democracy to socialist dictatorship. Wait until it is a crime to look the wrong way at certain people.
Who is advocating that microaggressions be criminalized? I certainly would oppose this. I don’t know of anyone, liberal or otherwise, who wants microaggressions barred by law.
I’ve met a couple. But nobody takes them seriously.
I get why that is annoying. I’ve lived in countries where seemingly no one could pronounce my name correctly. If that were my own country, it’d get old fast. It’s hard for me to see that as:
To turn it around, when immigrants can’t pronounce American names we don’t see that as demeaning American culture or casting it as pathological.
The US is about the least socialist first world, industrialized democracy on the face of the earth. Please name a first world, industrialized representative democracy that is less socialist than the US or I’m going to have to assume you are simply spouting gibbering nonsense.
In order to prove that I don’t consider women inferior, I shouldn’t hold the door open for them, but am I supposed to slam doors in everyone’s faces, or just women’s faces in order to be less aggressive?
Why not hold the door open for everyone?
How would a random woman know he holds the door open for everyone?
Exactly. It’s part of our social structure.
Now, I don’t mind (even enjoy) having the door held open for me, when the person holding it has just passed thru the same door. Like I said, it’s part of our social structure. However, when people rush from fifty feet away in order to beat me to the door I am approaching, just so they can open it for me, that crosses a line for me. I’ve even had people try to wrestle the door out of my hands, in order to hold it for me (they end up surprised by my death grip ;)).
How do you know that I don’t? (I do, as does pretty much everyone).
But, if you want to walk away from the experience of my having held the door open for you as a microagression, you get to do that, despite being wrong. And, any attempt for me to explain that I hold the door open for everyone becomes “mansplaining”. It’s somehow an iron clad combination of me being an asshole for holding the door open for people.
So, I ask again, should I slam to door in women’s faces or everyone’s faces to avoid this problem?
Holding the door open for a woman is not a micro-aggression. What might be construed as a micro-aggression is making a face of dissatisfaction when a woman holds a door open for you, or refusing to go through a door if a woman holds it open for you. I’ve had that happen and it genuinely made me feel like crap–both because I was trying to be nice, and someone rejected that from me, and because their was the clear implication that somehow I was being uncouth by not deferring.
It’s not a big deal–it’s not a thing I think I’ve ever even talked about before–but it’s the kind of little thing that I can imagine adds up for a lot of people.
Yup. Or them being closer to the front of the elevator, and refusing to get off (at the same floor) until I do. Come on, we both just want to get where we’re going, you are closer to the front, get out of the damn elevator already.:smack:
If you’re looking for it to be, is is.
Again, note that if a random man holds the door for you, you have absolutely no idea if he holds the door for everyone. I would submit that the vast (VAST!) majority do. But, this comic went viral on facebook to try to teach men not to hold the door open for women by assuming this odd, and imaginary, inner monologue going on in men’s heads.
Maybe some people are just good people.
I’ve actually had this happen to me too. Well, not as a woman, of course, but as someone who uses a wheelchair. It absolutely astounded me. This was a couple years ago, I was entering a tanning salon (I was training/preparing for a bodybuilding competiton) and there were a couple of women approaching the door behind me.
Rather than just open it and go inside, I grabbed the door handle and pulled it and myself back, to hold it open for these two ladies. To my surprise, they balked, with one woman saying something like, “Oh well thanks but I’ll get that for you”. :dubious:
Now, I was just sitting there, with the door wide fucking open, waiting for these ladies to pass thru. I politely smiled at the lady and said, “Don’t be silly, I’m holding the door for you.” At that point, her friend went and walked into the salon. But she just stood there, refusing to go thru the door. She wouldn’t do it because, dammit, she was supposed to hold the door for me!! She couldn’t be offended like this! I was in a wheelchair! 
After about a minute of us both just standing (and sitting) there, I just said “whatever you want” and turned and went inside. It was utterly ridiculous and not worth my time. But wow. And it wasn’t even a man!
I use to until I had a women tell me one time. “I don’t need a man to hold the door open for me.” It wasn’t like I was waiting for her, I got there a second or two before her.
Since I can’t read every women’s mind. I only hold doors open for men now.