A friend of mine is talking about taking a mid-life gap year. This is something kids may do between high school and college, or college and career. His idea is to take 6 months to a year off from his career to travel, and sort-out what he wants to do next. He is in his 40s, fairly successful, and has a stable job and income that supports his family (2 teenagers). Damn, that sounds like me. Anyway, he wants to do this before his kids start college, which would make this financially unfeasible. So, probably in the next 5 years. The wifey works part-time.
He asked my opinion, and I expressed concern for his career, retirement savings, and relationships. He says he may be dead or too sick to see the world if he waits to when he “should” do this.
I turn to the Dope to socialize this and see if anyone here has done something similar at the same stage of life. What can I tell him to consider to abandon this idea, or organize it in a way that minimizes damage to his career and retirement?
If his plan is to get away from the wife and kids, and he has no desire to do this with them, then that’s the part he needs to explore. If it were just about seeing the world, he could plan a summer family adventure. It sounds like he is feeling trapped by his family responsibilities, and could probably benefit from some professional help to see if his issues can be resolved, or if it’s time to move on.
If his idea includes his family, then he needs to really think seriously about his financial situation, and seek a different type of professional help (from a financial advisor). People can and do travel the world in retirement, but only if they’ve saved up enough money.
Rather than a gap year, I’d call it a sabbatical. And if he can afford it (both financially and in terms of the time away from his career), and his wife is OK with it, he should do it.
I don’t know if he should or he shouldn’t. If he has years of savings under his belt and certainty that he’ll have a job waiting for him when he returns, then it probably isn’t the worse idea in the world. If he doesn’t have either, then it probably isn’t wise.
But he’s going to do what he wants to do regardless of your well-intentioned advice. I’m not saying you have to support him–whatever this means to you. I’m just saying he’s likely not going to appreciate Debbie Downer talk. So just be there as a friend and cheer for him.
Both Mr. Athena and I have taken “gap years” though they weren’t quite what you describe, nor were they quite so planned. We didn’t travel overly much mainly because one of us had to be working to pay the bills while the other goofed off and we’re not into traveling much without the other one.
Both times, the decision to not work for a while was a mix of a job coming to a natural end/burnout/and the concept of why the hell NOT work for a while if we don’t want to.
For me, it happened around the time we moved across the country; I was working in a job that I was pretty majorly burnt out on, I was stressed out, I knew I’d be quitting within a few months, and Mr. Athena had a great job and could easily pay the bills. I did a mix of relaxing, helping with the move, doing a bit of part-time work in a different industry, and goofing around.
Mr. Athena took his after working a job for 10+ years; he was a contractor, and the contract came to a natural and planned end. He had a couple year’s notice and we saved up some cash (as it turned it, it wasn’t needed, as I was able to easily pay the bills on my income). He goofed off/did part time work for about a year before really starting to look for a job.
The one bit of advice I’d give your friend is it’d be WAY better if he had a job waiting for him when he was done (you don’t mention if he’s planning to quit his job or if they’d let him take a leave of absence). Both Mr. Athena and I eventually suffered a bit from the Big Scary Idea that we had no job and what would happen if we couldn’t find one very easily when we wanted to go back to work. The first few months were fine, but then that nagging worry crept in and it took away from the fun and relaxation of NOT working at times.
As far as good or bad idea, I’d say it’s a great idea if you can swing it. I see far too many people who take no more than a week or two off at a time for their whole careers; it’s great to be able to kick back sometimes. Even given the stress I mention above from worrying about finding another job, it was very much worth it for both of us. I think we’re more grounded from it, and we also have a very good understanding of what it takes to live with a bit less money but more time/freedom/etc. Go for it.
Not to be too much of a cliche, but it sounds like he’s having a mid-life crisis. As those go, it’s more creative than buying a sports car and less stupid than having an affair with a 22-year old.
If it’s ok with his wife, it should be ok with you. If it’s not ok with her, then you’ll be there to cheer him up after the divorce.
Fuck yeah. I did it…well, more like 3 or 4 years where I dicked around and made little money but had some fun. That’s when I joined party politics, ran for office, joined Rotary and volunteered for stuff.
When I went back to work - in an entirely different field - it was quite rejuvenating. I encourage everyone to try it at least once.
Thanks for the responses so far. SpoilerVirgin, I do not know the status of his counseling situation, but that is a sound idea for him to consider before making a potentially huge decision like this.
I think the right position is to support him, but not overly encourage, since I am not sure of the status of this idea with the rest of his family just yet.
