Millie's Song On The "Dick Van Dyke Show"

I recall an episode where Millie the Petries next-door neighbor wrote and sang a song for an auditon for a PTA type show.

It recall it was very funny. Does anyone know the words to it?

It went something like

My heart got slapped in its face…
(some words I don’t know)
I was standing beneath the stars and I was something to see
You took my heart and kicked it in the knee

My heart has a terrible scar.
I’ll get you for this wherever you are…
I know the episode was “Two Many Stars” the one about the muscial Buddy and Sally wrote about the “Gold Rush Girls” and they had to change the title to “The Gold Rush Twins” so Laura could be in it

I checked Hulu but the episode isn’t there. It’s from season three.

Love Millie’s song! Just FYI, the ep is “Too Many Stars” (you wrote Two Many Stars) and it’s on fancast.

This link should work.

“But first I’ll KILL MYSELF!
(I’m funny that way…)”

Still makes me ROFL. Gotta love Millie!

Hope you enjoy…

Thanks so much for the link, I never heard of fan cast.

You have to love the opening line

My heart got a SMASH in the face…



This was the best thing Ann Guilbert ever did

Much better than the boring song at the end and the messed up dance steps they actually zoomed in on.

I just watched that episode on NetFlix the other night. Got me to look Ann Guilbert up online, and I was interested to learn that she also played Fran’s grandmother on “The Nanny”.

That may already be well known to TV aficionados, but it was an interesting “TV trivia moment of the day” for me.

Millie Helper is one of my favorite sit com characters of all time and this is a perfect example of why. She had so many great moments on this show.

Thanks for the link by the way Clothilde!

I was reading about the Dick Van Dyke show and Jerry Paris suggested Ann Guilbert for the part. Carl Reiner wasn’t for it at first because Millie was older and not pretty enough, but Paris convinced him and the rest of the producers an older and not attractive as Laura, Guilbert would prove a great foil for Laura.

I also liked the way Guilbert was pregnant for a few episodes of the show, and no one said anything, they just ignored the fact Millie suddenly was fat.