I used to work with a woman whose sister worked for Job Corps, and she loved her job overall except for one thing, which was why she left it: She spent 90% of her time dealing with parents who asked her, “Is there anything you can do to get my kid off the couch?”
One wonders what these basement-dwellers did in the days before computers or even TV.
just a thought as one of these people that’s being discussed … what do you do when the parent wants to keep the kid close by ? granted I had a non traditional job… but because my family depends on my check I cant get a job that pays more than what my dad pays through ssi…
And I’m the gofer help take care of my disabled cousin and try to do all the "manly " work around the house
now my cousin is the pot head slacker that could of gotten a can job watching over homebound people but decided once my severly physically and mentally disabled cousin passed on that she was 45 going on 18 … and my uncle passed n 8 months later
And guess who gets the crap if things aren’t done just so ? …although aunt can do everything better and quicker than everyone else … believe me I never wanted to end up here and its gonna take something mean and drastic for me ot get out
I’ve taken out the spam, MomofGamingAddict.
And even if you could snag a job, you couldn’t pay for both food and rent.
Although this brings up another point: in many cultures, it’s perfectly normal for multiple generations to live together. Why is this so abhorrent in ours?
Because we’re rugged individualists, that’s why. To live with your parents well into adulthood means that you can’t hack it on your own. In the land of opportunity, everyone who isn’t handicapped should be able to hack it on their own. That’s what we are told, at least.
It also goes both ways. We also expect old people to save enough for retirement to be able to take care of themselves and not rely too much on their kids. The trade-off to pushing kids out of the house at 18 is that they don’t feel obligated to open their doors when their parents are in need of help. In cultures where everyone lives under their parents’ roofs well into their 20s and 30s, this isn’t the case. A parent isn’t necessarily shy about being “free loading” in those cultures. But in the US, leaning on one’s kids isn’t encouraged.
I can’t say I’m completely unhappy with the American way of doing things. If my parents need a place to stay, of course I’m not going to say no to them. But I’m glad that there are culturally acceptable alternatives to all of us living under one roof. I didn’t buy my house with their needs in mind, and I don’t feel any guilt about this. But maybe I would if they hadn’t raised me to be such a rugged individualist.
I have a lazy stepson. 24 yrs old, does nothing to contribute, doesn’t even take out trash. He just sits in his room and plays video games. He makes poor decisions or lacks there of any decision at times such as the obvious need to build up credit so he can get a better car or just pay a higher % and get one anyway. He has a job but no clue where all the money goes as his mom still buys his food…etc. He gives some/all to his ex g/f cause they have a kid together due to yet more poor decision making skills but either he can’t manage money or he’s just literally retarded because it’s not like he has any real living expenses.
But you know, anything I say just ends up either being ignored by his mom or starts a fight but the excuses that enable all this never ends. Its funny also that if something needs put together, I, not her son, has to help with the excuse being that he isn’t good at (insert anything here). I tell her to make him help her so he’ll have some experience but hell, she won’t even ask. Instead she nags me to do it.
It seirously drives me nuts, makes me actually day dream of divorce where I can live much more efficiently by myself without her son’s sorry sack hogging resources and space. He’s got some other weird sensitivity issues that basically drove a wedge between us to the point where we don’t even acknowledge each other. I don’t like him, he doesn’t like me and his mom is in the middle. We keep out mouths shut to keep the peace I think is about it but often I just want to give him a reality check.
Abhorrent to who? The multiple generations who don’t want to live together or to outsiders? I think to outsiders it’s only a problem when one generation (and it isn’t always the younger one) seems to be taking advantage of the other (like the kid who has a low-paying job, throws the parents a couple of hundred a month and lives a lifestyle that the parents can’t afford.)
Abhorrent to the people who would be living together? That’s easy enough to see from the families where it happens. I happen to know a few examples of kids living with parents and parents living with kids- and the one thing they all have in common is that someone feels like “it’s not my house”. They don’t get to decide how the kitchen cabinets are organized , or whether it’s a shoes on or shoes off household , or how to decorate the living room. Both generations will feel they have to modify their behavior in some ways with the other generation living there, whether it is my son not bringing girls home when he lived with us, or my husband having to wear pants around the house if my mother moved in with us.
Everyone is well aware of the economy and there are plenty of opportunities to thrive on ones own. The difference in discussion is that you are applying for jobs where many basement dwellers don’t even bother to apply anything. 76% of millennials in america do thrive on their own just fine in fact. 24% still live at home. You can’t go anywhere if you don’t leave and that is the mentality they have. It is literally pure laziness and their own mental roadblocks that make it easier to take advantage of the enablers. Ambition > money. You have to have ambition, this is America! You can literally do anything if you push and keep pushing. Just ask any really successful person like Arnold Schwarzenegger, he is successful because he kept pushing.
But a grown man who spends all day doing the same things in the same room he was at age 10? You seriously think it’s the economy that forced them to their basements and kept them there?
However your post reads like circa 2012 because here in 2016 I see job openings everywhere. In fact many business owners now complain that too many cannot pass a drug test. My company has been hiring all summer, we had 2 new guys last week that worked 1 day and never showed up. 1 guys this week that only worked 1 day and boss mentioned probably about 20 guys that refused a drug test. We are hiring and no one wants to work and it’d damn good pay too. Hard work but good pay. We occasionally get guys can’t take the heat wave or the really cold winters so they don’t last too long.
A nearby restaurant has been looking for a waitress and a cook…for about 10 months now. The owners are doing it to keep the business going but the jobs is there if you want it.
We’ve never fixed the leaks in the basement, just so no kids’ll move back.
We have ambitious medical-career kids, but we have one kid who never went to college, and has been living in random places (like a friend’s kitchen floor in a bad neighborhood of SF). But he’s been working (a series of food service jobs).
We love him… as long as he doesn’t move back in with us (enjoy that floor, kiddo!).
Maybe we’re the lazy ones.
(actually, he’s the one that’ll end up doing something amazing; in a field that isn’t invented yet…)
:-}
Well I hate to admit it but I can provide at least one perspective from the other side of the coin. I’m in my late 30s, a single mom and over the past 10 years I’ve probably spent 6 of them living with my parents. Often unemployed (like now). I have really severe anxiety and depression. I have had a pretty consistent pattern over my adult life of holding a job for around 6 months to a year before the anxiety becomes too bad to handle and I quit. Logically I know this is stupid and most people don’t like to work anyway, but when I start having panic attacks and breaking down crying before work every day, it makes it hard to force myself to go. I wish I knew what caused it but…well I don’t. Meds don’t help, I’ve tried many. I haven’t been able to find a therapist who hasn’t offered me the advice of ‘just force yourself to do something and it’ll get easier’. My brain’s a mess honestly and it’s getting worse with time. I’ve been like this since I was young and my parents noticed it but never sought out help for me. They’ve admitted they feel very guilty about this and I think that’s contributing to their being so accepting of me constantly living with them. I hate it, I do. And I do anything I can to avoid putting any financial strain on them but even now the thought of even looking for a job sets off my anxiety and sometimes even a panic attack. And with depression on top of it, it makes it almost impossible to have the motivation or get up and go to overcome this. I hope this doesn’t come off as too whiny, cause I know this is entirely my fault and it’s no excuse for this but it’s just maybe an idea of what makes otherwise healthy, competent adults do these sort of things.
How old are you? This is so untrue. There is zero “upperward” mobility in the US-if you’re born to poor parents, you’ll almost certainly die poor, regardless of how hard you try. Most of us younger people look at the mess the baby boomers and their parents have made of the world and realize we are doomed to a lower quality of life than our parents. And they don’t get it- that many can’t make enough to pay for both food and rent even with a full time job. That houses cost a fortune and are out of reach for most. That pensions no longer exist. That jobs aren’t for life anymore.
Cite?
Okay, thanks. But I think you and I have different definitions of “zero,” and “almost certainly.”
I think the post you were responding to was largely hogwash, but it sounded to me like you were going too far the other way, saying “If you were born to poor parents, don’t even bother trying to improve your lot in life.”
Four years later, and the kid I mentioned upthread (husband’s son) is still living with us. However, he works a full-time job now and is paying down his debt to us and also helping with yardwork.
My daughter (same age) has also lived with us all this time. She works two part-time jobs and goes to college but graduation never seems to get any closer. She helps a little around the house also.