Mini rants

The BBQ Pit
621

That’s beyond stupid. And don’t they even realize that it’s 8/8/2008? They missed their “perfect even date” by a couple of thousand years. Of course, there never was an 8/8/8 in the Julian or Gregorian calendar, since they were invented far after the fact, and the entire dating system is arbitrary anyway. And August was actually the sixth month (original name Sextilis) until it was renamed for Augustus Caesar and things were rearranged a bit.

But if they want to have surgery performed to have their child a week before the due date just to line up with some arbitrary dating system…

sigh

Here’s a question for any astrology believers out there: Did they change their child’s entire future by doing this? What if they’d pushed it a week the other way to change the kid from Leo to Virgo (or whatever)?

622

Tech rep: Thank you for being helpful by including in your voicemail greeting the information that your office hours are 6:30 am to 3:30 pm. Now: what the fuck time zone are you in?

623

Long and mini:

So I got rid of a bunch of books and took the opportunity to buy a bunch more to fill up the empty space on my bookshelf. Whenever I find a new title I want to read I put it on my wish list at Chapters and then, when so inspired, I pick enough books off my wish list to reach the amount required to get free shipping, and then I order them.

I did this on Friday afternoon. Then I went home and my boyfriend mentioned a book he wanted to buy, a book of barbecue recipes to go with our flashy new barbecue. We couldn’t wait another moment to receive it (because we were planning a weekend of tasty BBQing) so I went back online and ordered that book along with a few more from my wish list. So, for those keeping track, I made two orders on Friday.

This morning I was filled with impatience so I went to check on the status of my orders. While doing so I noticed that one of the books I ordered was still on my wish list, which was when I discovered that ordering a book off your wish list does NOT remove it from your wish list (which I was stupidly expecting it to) so I accidentally ordered the same book, twice, on Friday afternoon.

I checked the status of my order, one is “shipped in full” (according to the vendor; it seems like this means “it’s with the post office” but the post office site isn’t responding) and the other one is “shipped in part” (I think referring to the one book they don’t have in stock) and the vendor says it’s on the way to the post office. I do like to retain a bit of perspective; from a global and historical perspective it’s really quite unreasonable to expect to order a book on Friday afternoon and receive it on Monday afternoon without even moving my arse from this chair, but I have been spoiled by internet shopping (and the fact that my office is no more than a few miles from most major warehouses and shipping locations) and I’m okay with that.

As it happens I work right near a Chapters, so I thought, although it requires emerging into meatspace, when it arrives I will just take it back to the store and exchange it. Now, the reason I normally buy my books online is because they never stock the books I want in the store and if they do they’re more expensive than they are online (but this a rant for another day), so this was a less than ideal solution. HOWEVER, as luck would have it, this morning I got a delicious book recommendation in another thread, AND they have that book in stock at the store across the street, AND it is the same price as online! Yippee! Everything’s coming up roses!

So now for my rant, now more mini than ever: where the fuck is my delivery??? It’s 3:00 already and my books aren’t here! I have PLANS for those books!

Okay, related but less-mini rant … fuck you, slow news days! There is so little happening around here that I have to get all worked up about such a thing?! Everyone’s on holiday! I’m so boooooored!

624

I am so fucking angry, I can’t see straight. Someone has been messing with my car recently. One time, a cigarette butt on the rear windshield, another time, a part of a sandwich on the hood. A couple of weeks ago, ny passenger-side mirror was pushed all the way forward (it’s the flips-forward-against-the-car-if-hit type).

Today, as soon as I come out of my house, I see someone has flipped the diriver-side mirror back against the car (street side). I don’t normally do this as I figure if there’s someone hitting your mirror, you’re in more trouble already by them hitting your car so it had to have been done deliberately by someone else.

After I flip out the mirror and start to get in, I notice the passenger-side mirror is hanging down, out of the housing. It’s still attached but hanging by a wire.

So, I go over and try to push it back in on the 4 or 5 prongs that it attaches to. In doing so, the mirror somewhat reattaches, but the inside 1/3 of the mirror cracks and falls to the ground. Not only is it the part of the mirror that’s most helpful for parellel parking but it distorts the whole appearance of what you see in the rearview mirror.

During all this, my next-door neighbor comes up and tells me someone has been fucking with his mirrors lately too. Flipping them out when they’re flipped in, in when they’re out. My vandalism had to have happened after 3:30am ‘cause I was out tossing the garbage and checked the car. I don’t know which would be worse – if it was kids out at that time messin’ with people’s cars 'cause it’s a funky good time or adults who are so immature as to think something like this would be fun or funny.

Either way, if they mess with the wrong person’s car and get shot or beaten severely, I won’t shed a tear and won’t call the cops if I witness it.

625

Okay, all you knuckleheads who come over to the park/community center, how about you - and your kids - do your standing around somewhere other than on the fucking track. You see, the park area covers about 10 acres in total. Of that, maybe .10 acre is occupied by that circular track covered with crushed granite. The track is designed for people to walk, run, power walk, run their dogs, whatever. It’s for people who are actually moving, ya know? The grassy areas, and the picnic areas and the shady places with the benches and the playground and ALL those other sites are fine places to stand around. But when you and your kid stand there in the fucking middle of the track, looking at me bearing down on you at the awe-inspiring speed of oh, 6mph and don’t fucking move one muscle to let me pass, you are an asshole. Furthermore, you are teaching your kid to be an asshole too.

I don’t see you standing in the middle of the fucking road, and that’s ONLY because you don’t want to get hit and hurt, certainly not because you have any concept whatsofucking ever that anyone besides you and your child even exist, let alone any nascent sense of courtesy to those anyones. So, since it’s all about you, if you’re still standing there on my next lap, I swear to Og I’m just going to run right into your stupid ass, and I’m all knees and elbows and muddy shoes and sweat, and you are not going to enjoy the collision.

Dickhead.

626

Two for tonight:

I’m beginning to think that the lack of swamp cooler pumps at local hardware stores is part of a conspiracy to make me drop a few hundred bones on a whole new cooler. Seriously, how can you not stock the things out here in the desert, where almost everyone uses a damn swamp cooler? Gah. If I can’t locate a pump tomorrow then they may get their way.

Also, to the scum sucking bastard who decided his car was too good for trash and threw it out into the road: fuck you. Just because this place is a crime-ridden shithole, does not mean that it’s OK to litter. The irony was the purple heart on the (out of state) plates. Just because you were injured to protect this country doesn’t mean you should trash it. Butthole.

627

I don’t think I’ll ever understand the mentality of people who just dump trash out of their cars. I saw this at a red light a year or so ago - the young lady in the car next to me just threw a McDonald’s bag out her window, then drove off. I was shocked - I don’t think I’ve ever wanted as badly to make a citizen’s arrest as when I saw that. Or pick up the bag and follow her home, and leave the bag on her doorstep - “Here, you dropped this.” And all the ashtray contents and used diapers in parking lots - seriously, who is raising these pigs?

628

Miss Take – I just wanted to let you know I feel your pain. Where I work, I have 2 weeks paid vacation and accrue sick time at roughly 6 days per calendar year. I just had my mid-year evaluation – which, luckily is numbers-driven, rather than opinion – and as for my availability (which call center people will understand, for others, it is a percentage that indicates how much unscheduled time you have taken off your phones) was at 92%. 92% means that I have been at work and ready, willing and able to take calls 92% of the time I was scheduled to do so. The requirement for “meets expectations” is 85%. My boss called me into her office to discuss my “attendance problems” the other day when I left because my daughter twisted her ankle. Yeh. Ok.

Our attendance policy is pretty cut and dried around here – it’s point based. After x number of missed days (not covered by sick time or vacation) you get assessed a point. Tardy or leave early = 1/2 point. A whole month of no absences = -1 points. The first “warning” is not supposed to be given until you have accumulated 3 points. I have -3 points.

Ugh. Seriously, if I am not allowed to use my sick time or vacation, don’t fucking give it to me, right? What about the bitch with 7 kids that’s NEVER HERE and who is currently on maternity leave a week past what she said she’d be taking? Does she get a fucking lecture? No, and you know how I know? Because she has the other call center supervisor who isn’t a fucking micro-managing twit.

And I have said this before, I shall say it again. People shit in bathrooms, that is why they sometimes smell like shit. Get the fuck over it. Jesus, 3 people have commented today about how the bathroom “stunk, like, you know – poop!” today. Each and every one of them looked shocked. I swear to fuck, I just want to shove their heads in the toilet after someone has shat there and flush and flush and flush until they get it. Fuck, why is it so shocking to walk into a room WHERE PEOPLE SHIT and smell…shit? Jesus fucking Christ on moldy cornbread, people, it’s a fucking bathroom!

629

Here is a book for you: Sick Puppy.

630

I stop for lunch at McDonald’s today, get my chow from the drive-through, park and start chawing away.

I get a Quarter-Pounder With Cheese and large fries. Please let me tell you, I splurge and eat at McDonald’s about once every year and a half, seriously. I also eat in my car about as rarely.

Anyhow I’m sitting there gobbling and the whole time I’m just so proud of myself because I’ve managed not to drop anything on my favorite “Dead Men Tell No Tales” pirate t-shirt.

I get to the last bite, literally, of this burger, and a big-ass chunk of onion smothered in kecthup drops right on the front of my dang shirt. Because I am a stainmeister extraordinaire by nature I always carry a tube of Tide To Go. Yippee, I think, no problem. Such a Girl Scout and always prepared.

However I don’t have my big purse today, so no soap. Dear lord, ketchup can be bad. I got to do something quick. I don’t have to be back to work until 3pm, so as I am pretty close to home I go home, soak the stain with cold water and apply the Tide. Home is where I am sitting right now posting this.

I’d be ranting more but the stain did come out. Now I can wear the t-shirt downtown this afternoon and look all scary, but not messy.

631

Stupid nosey-ass landlords need to learn to mind their own fucking business!

I understand that they are retired, and apparently have nothing better to do than just stare out their window waiting for their tenants to do something wrong so they can yell at them about it. But at least make it legitimaite things! Seriously, in the past week I was yelled at by the couple that owns the building for the following things:

  1. Walking on the lawn to go to my car. She doesn’t want a little path to form in the grass (understandable,) so I should use the walkway…the walkway that goes nowhere near where I park my car AND forces one to either duck under a couple lilac bushes or get a facefull of branch. Usually I do use the walkway, but I was carrying a large box to my car and it would have been very hard for me to navigate the approx. 10" of space between the two bushes with it.

  2. letting the screen door on the porch “slam shut.” The really shitty, wooden screen door that isn’t on a spring, and only shuts on its own because the porch isn’t anything close to level, so gravity just takes it. And it doesn’t come anywhere close to ‘slamming.’ It actually pretty gently closes on it’s own, usually leaving about a 1" gap from the door frame, actually. But to her, if I do anything less than ever so gently place it back closed, I am “slamming the door.”

  3. Driving too fast on the road we live on. This was the husband, this time, and just today. I pulled onto the road, which is a dead end and I am forced to turn around at the end of it so I can face the right way on the proper side of the street when I park. There is no speed limit sign, but from what I would estimate based on seeing signs on other, similar, dead-end streets around town, it would be either 15 or 20 MPH. I was at about 15 at the middle of the street, before slowing down at the end to turn around. According to him, I was going “way too fast!” and that “it’s not a race track! I don’t need to go 90 on a dead end street!” Look, gramps, I was well below 20. Unless you’ve made a living out of it (like a police officer,) it’s generally pretty hard to guess how fast a car is going from getting a three second glance at it from thirty feet away AND above the street. There are no children living on this street, and not even a lot of houses total, so it’s rare to ever “meet” another car while on this street. I don’t need to creep along at 5 MPH.

  4. And after he said that to me, he then asked me why I spend so much damn time in my car. He didn’t mean driving, he meant why I often go out to my car and (to him) appear to just sit in the seat. Well, pops, I recently installed a new car stereo, and I haven’t worked out all the kinks with it yet, and why the fuck is that anything even close to your business?! Why do you care if I am in my car? I’m not doing anything in it that could possibly make anyone upset, except you, who seems to take offense at everything I do.

632

Dad really. I scrapped Disneyland for the 9 & 6 yro to cart them 1500 miles to see you. Your motorcycle accident scared them. Again, thanks for going into great detail with the kids as to what could have happened. I spent many a day before leaving (and $153) getting those pretty ceramic Mexican switchplate covers to outeract that hideous blue you paid that monkey with Parkinson’s to paint the kitchen and dining room. I really didn’t expect you to pay for them, I don’t mind giving you a gift. So your “I’m not paying you back for this shit” as you were putting them up was really unnecessary. And again, thanks for making plans to leave town 2 days after we got there because I wouldn’t commit to repainting the kitchen for you. On. my. vacation. I sure hope you won money in Biloxi.

You know where we live. I can live without that Florida trip for a long while and so can your grandsons.

And while I’m at it. I love my father in law. He really is a sweet, considerate man. Completely opposite of my father. He was a recovering alcoholic for 12 years. I know taking care of my Alzheimer riddled mother in law took its toll on him. However, recovering alcoholics do NOT have red wine with dinner to help the heart. His fucking doctor KNOWS he is recovering so if she really told him to start drinking wine then she needs to get her assed kicked. If she didn’t, then I don’t know what to say anymore.

One glass of wine a night has devolved back into 4 beers between noon (and I mean the stroke of noon) and 4 pm. A glass of water is drunk with the butt load of pills he takes. Once dinner hit the table, it was wine - 6-8 glasses until he stumbled off to bed. Rinse and repeat for 7 long days.

Finally, good ol’ sister in law. Ya think you could have waited at least until the headstone was set, the obits cut out, or maybe even your kids have stopped crying themselves to sleep because daddy is gone before you move the new boyfriend in to the house bought with the life insurance money? The reason your best friends no longer speak to you and your neighbors avoid you isn’t because they are jealous of all your new shit. It’s because your “soulmate and love of [your] life, who [you] will love forever” wasn’t dead but 7 months before you moved the boyfriend in. Fucking twit.

Fuck, what a shitty vacation.

633

Sometimes, I think I love you.

634

Not a rant, but I had to respond to this. My SO has a couple of outside cats that migrate back and forth between his house and the neighbor’s house, always walking the same route between the two houses. When the grass is freshly cut, you can see the actual path they’ve worn into the grass or the ground or whatever. We call it the Cat Path. :slight_smile:

635

I’m not usually a pedant, but as the popularity of the practice increases, more and more commercials for DVD releases are excitedly announcing, “Includes digital version of the film!”

Last I checked, both DVD and Blu Ray are digital formats. I know what they’re really saying is “includes a file version of the film for playing on portable devices like Ipods!,” but because you’re already buying a “digital version” of a film, this phrase cannot be shortened to “includes digital version!” The implication is that you’re buying a film print that also happens to include a DVD of the movie as well.

636

Look, if you’re going to point at something you’re talking about, at least point in the fucking direction it’s in. Pointing randomly over your shoulder is retarded, and only serves to confuse me.

Random pointer: Hey, we should go to the Brew Co tonight points northeast
Me: Second Street? But there’s a band playing at Santa Fe.
RP: Yeah, let’s go to the Brew Co points northeast again
Me: You mean the Brew Co points south
RP: Yeah, whatever.
Me: Sure, let me grab my wallet.

637

In fairness to DishNetwork, I wanted to write a follow-up to my rant from post #617 & #619.

As I mentioned, I did some digging and found the names of company executives and the format of their email addresses. I sent off a long and detailed letter explaining what had happened and expressing my displeasure. I wasn’t sure when or even if I’d get a response, but in less than 15 minutes, I got a response from the EVP of Operations with an apology and a promise to make things right. He passed me on to the General Manager, who set me up with the head of Customer Service. In less than two hours, I got a call from the Customer Service head. He set me up with an actually DishNetwork installer (instead of a contractor) who came out at 7:20am the next day ( :eek: ) and had everything done properly in just over an hour.

Then, as requested, I called back the Customer Service head after the install, and he hooked us up with a month of credit (which was way better than $20) AND two free premium channels for three months. Everyone I dealt with was very apologetic and very responsive.

So, although I wish there had never been a problem in the first place, I really can’t praise enough the response I got once I bitched about it.

638

To my father: What on earth was going through your head when you outed me as an agnostic to your ultra religious mom? You *knew * she wouldn’t take it well. That was completely uncalled for, as 1. It had nothing to do with the conversation, 2. She’s going through a hard time right now and 3. If I’d wanted to share it I would’ve done it myself. She looked like she’d she’d been punched in the gut.

As a result, I later got a phone call from said grandmother asking if she could stop by. I’m not going to say no. She’s visiting from out of state, and she’s my grandmother. She and some other older relatives who I barely know showed up and they had “prayer” for a couple of hours. Prayer consisted of “laying hands” on me, rebuking Satan, anointing my head with olive oil, speaking in tongues and blessing a container of salt. They left the olive oil and salt here, reminding me not to accidentally eat them. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do with the salt. I also have a bunch of scriptures that I’m supposed to memorize.

The relatives who I wouldn’t recognize on the street, but who live in the area, promised my grandmother that they’d be back to pray with me again.

So, thanks, Dad for using my personal business to hurt your mom, and for setting me up with my own personal Pentecostal witness group.

639

Dear Adrian Monk, oh, I’m sorry, I mean my OCD boss:

If you don’t stop obsessing over every little unimportant minutiae of detail, you’re going to put me in a fucking mental institution. Nobody cares about the exact magnification of an Adobe .pdf of a party invitation you’re circulating. 85% versus 86% magnification is NOT FUCKING NOTICED BY ANYONE BUT YOURSELF. For that matter, they don’t even open your e-mails because you make them crazy with your need to control and over-think things.

While we’re at it, stop using me as an audience while you do stream-of-consciousness musing out loud about crap that you obsess about. I have a desk to man and three other partners to attend to, and standing in your office pretending that I care about car polish or whatever is not in my job description. Yesterday I made the mistake of saying that I wasn’t interested in the extreme drawn-out detail of some tangent he went off on, so today I was punished with a sneer about that statement. Jeez, just call me Natalie Kreeger already and cut my throat.

640

I just saw the latest issue of Batman RIP over on scans_daily. Why won’t somebody lock Grant Morrison where he can’t touch anything but his own projects? Please? I love nods to old comics as much as the next fan, but this is not ‘nods’ this is ‘I’m going to ignore sanity, continuity, and the fans and do what the little voices in my head tell me to’

sigh

yes, I’m a super geek. So what?