Stupid rassafrassin’ cold. I’m careful; I try my damndest not to get colds, because I hate the friggers. My husband whom I kiss, on the other hand, does not seem to be as careful. Maybe there should be no more husband kissing. 
Oh, by the way, I’m gonna need you guys to go ahead and entertain me for the next couple of days, mm’kay? Alright.
You sure you want that? The last time your husband entertained you, you got a cold! 
Get better soon and all that. Although I seem to recall mentioning earlier that we hold you responsible for keeping US entertained through your posting. If you’re sick, that means you’ve got nothing better to do but keep posting, right? 
Haven’t you ever heard of a computer virus?
A different magazine gripe:
I ordered ShojoBeat for TheKid about a month ago. She has yet to receive her first issue.
TODAY in the mail I received a note reminding me to renew NOW!!11!!!ONE! before the subscription lapses. WTF?
(And to go back a few pages: I saw my doctor about the stupid Family Medical Leave crap I was ordered to obtain by my supervisor. She completed it as broadly as possible and I turned it in. Now my supervisor wants me to go back to the doctor, requesting she be more specific regarding my health issues. Doctor stated she comlpeted the forms as sufficiently as needed and will not enjoin in this power trip my supervisor is intent on riding. When I informed my boss of this she wanted me to give permission to contact my doctor. Uh, NO. Oy. )
I’ve had it with my mother-in-law, who lives with my husband and me. I don’t have time to write and you all don’t have time to read all the blatant stupid oozing from this woman so let me just transcribe a conversation she and I had last evening. The subject was her upcoming major abdominal surgery which she is looking forward to for some reason.
MIL: It’ll be nice to just lay around in bed and watch TV and read. (note: this is exactly what she does here at home all day every day; the only possible difference is we don’t serve her meals in her room; she has to come downstairs to get food to take it back up to her room)
Me: Remember that you’re having major surgery and you may be in some discomfort. They will of course manage your pain with drugs, but that’s not always fun either.
MIL: Oh, I don’t mind pain. I almost had Carrie (her second child) in the car on the way to the hospital. I thought it was funny.
Me: You weren’t worried about your baby and the potential harm to her if she were born on an isolated road somewhere in the boonies?
MIL: Oh, I could always get more babies . . .
Me: I have to go now [and walked out of the room]
MIL: (continuing) . . . heck, every time a man hung his pants on my bedstead I got pregnant.
Me (quietly): Fuuuuuuck.
I have a spider bite on the inside of my elbow. It FUCKING itches dammit.
Goddamit - I don’t want a sport bra that features “subtle enhancements”! I just want to not jiggle when I’m running!
I wish when I choose the “ignore” command in my word processor spellcheck, it would remember the words I chose to ignore the next time I open the document.
Instead of ignore, click on “add to dictionary” and it will do just that. I do it all the time with things like last names and other proper nouns.
Except that’s not necessarily what I want to do - some proprietary words, like character names, aren’t meant to be in a dictionary, really. They ought to have a separate list for “ignored words” that can be edited and adjusted separately to the spellcheck dictionary.
…I guess I just don’t see much of a difference. In both instances, the spellcheck isn’t going to flag the word as misspelled. 
It’s because I may not want “Mary” in my dictionary anymore as, in the next story I write, I’ll need to know if I misspelled “Marcy” somewhere.
I’m curious about what “subtle enhancements” a sports bra can have.
And my own mini-rant: How did all my cats manage to get their collars off during the past week and, even more annoying, where did two of them hide theirs? I have three naked cats running around here.
I’m so not ready for the fall semester to begin. Or my senior year.
In fact, I desperately want to be able to fast-forward life twelve months so that I can just skip all the stress of senior year and writing my thesis, figuring out what to do post-graduation, moving wherever, and making it happen. At this point I have a vague idea of what I’m writing my thesis on and no clue what to do after I graduate beyond "get the fuck out of this boring-as-hell town.
Are you me? I’d suspect you’re me except I’m writing my thesis right now. Well. I’m putting it off. I need to write today’s page so I can slack off until I go back to work tonight.
Stupid thesis. Write yourself!
Giggling, no doubt.
Dear planes coming in for the air show, would you please not fly 1.175 inches above the roof of my building? Holy crap that was close! I’ve been buzzed all day, and I don’t mean happy!
I think I just got fondled by a Blue Angel.
Me, or the cats?
A friend called to ask if she could come over last night and I warned her about the naked cats, then said that I would do my best not to follow their example before she arrived. She said that if I was naked when I opened the door she was not coming in.
Oh, my. Look at all those loopholes.
I do like to leave my options open.