Mmmmm It's Google Gulp (Beta)!

[robotic_panda]

Delicious neuro-transmitting goodness… available (very) briefly.

@google.com

The short version is, our brains process data by sending electrical impulses called neurotransmitters between billions of neurons via axons running between synapses, much the way buses travel between stations, or MP3 files travel between felonious suburban teenagers. The molecular compound that fuels Google Gulp speeds up this process by, among various startling feats of neurochemical legerdemain, limiting the activity of the enzyme monoamine oxidase. You think faster – and feel better.

It’s available in 4 different flavors , but the Sero-Tonic Water looks good to me.

Well played, Google. Well played.

[Ice_Wolf]

I like this bit:

From time to time, in order to improve Google Gulp’s usefulness for our users, Google Gulp will send packets of data related to your usage of this product from a wireless transmitter embedded in the base of your Google Gulp bottle to the GulpPlex™, a heavily guarded, massively parallel server farm whose location is known only to Eric Schmidt, who carries its GPS coordinates on a 64-bit-encrypted smart card locked in a stainless-steel briefcase handcuffed to his right wrist. No personally identifiable information of any kind related to your consumption of Google Gulp or any other current or future Google Foods product will ever be given, sold, bartered, auctioned off, tossed into a late-night poker pot, or otherwise transferred in any way to any untrustworthy third party, ever, we swear.

[Colophon]

I like the FAQ:

**7. How can I get my hands on a Google Gulp? **

This “limited release” beta product is available to anyone who turns in a used Google Gulp bottle cap at any local retailer. If you don’t have any Gulp caps, ask a friend to give you one.

8. What if none of my friends have a Gulp cap to give me? Can’t you just give Google Gulp to anyone who wants it?

Well, we’re thinking about it, but, um, you have to understand that there are many considerations which go into deciding how to distribute –

9. I mean, isn’t this whole invite-only thing kind of bogus?

Dude, it’s like you’ve never even heard of viral marketing.

[Fromage_A_Trois]

2. Wait – you’re saying Auto-Drink™ changes my brain chemistry?

Um, yeah – but for the better.

[BlackKnight]

My favorite bits were:

And if you don’t know anyone who can give you one, don’t worry – that just means you aren’t cool.

and

11. When will you take Google Gulp out of beta?

Man, if you pressure us, you just drive us away. We’ll commit when we’re ready, okay? Besides, what’s so great about taking things out of beta? It ruins all the romance, the challenge, the possibilities, the right to explore. Carpe diem, ya know? Maybe we’re jaded, but we’ve seen all these other companies leap headlong into 1.0, thinking their product is exactly what they’ve been dreaming of all their lives, that everything is perfect and hunky-dory – and the next thing you know some vanilla copycat release from Redmond is kicking their butt, the Board is holding emergency meetings and the CEO is on CNBC blathering sweatily about “a new direction” and “getting back to basics.” No thanks, man. We like our freedom.

[robotic_panda]

So one of you guys will send me a Gulp cap, right?

[Bites_When_Provoked]

Oh, that’s brilliant!

[Ponder_Stibbons]

@robotic_panda

So one of you guys will send me a Gulp cap, right?

No way, man! I’ve just got the one, and I’m using it!

Mmmmmm … that’s tasty st—erk —

[ShibbOleth]

Don’t forget to read the fine print (enlarged here for ease of reading):

No personally identifiable information of any kind related to your consumption of Google Gulp or any other current or future Google Foods product will ever be given, sold, bartered, auctioned off, tossed into a late-night poker pot, or otherwise transferred in any way to any untrustworthy third party, ever, we swear. See our Privacy Policy.

[Greywolf73]

Okay, I’ve got 50 google caps here to give away. Who wants one? Maybe I should start a seperate thread…

[Only_Mostly_Dead]

@Colophon

I like the FAQ:

Man, I was coming in here to post that exact excerpt. Absolutely brilliant.

[Kythereia]

dead of laughter and applause

[mobo85]

I think I’ve seen that Ursa Major molecule somewhere before.