Moderators: I demand that the U.N. be given a greater role in the Pit.

It is time to prove the legitimacy of this forum by allowing the United Nations to have a larger presence here. So far, the group running the Pit is made up entirely of people selected by the Chicago Reader – a group the does not reflect the true nature or represent the true goals of people who post here.

If we can get a larger U.N. presence in the Pit, it will speed the transition of power to the people who actually post here.

I have the feeling this resolution is going to be vetoed…

The UN has nothing to do with the Pit. Since when does the national security of The Pit depend on the UN-SC or its members? Never! It is offensive to think that the UN-SC and some of its member nations cough France, cough the Russian Federation, cough China care enough about their own people, let alone us, the Pit Dwellers, to matter.

I think we pitizens are due a link before we render a vote on this matter.

The representative of the island nation of Twentyador most emphatically takes umbrage at this suggestion!

What? There’s opposition to this idea?

Okay then, never mind.

I concur. The only reasonable solution is for the General Questions forum to take unilateral action against the Barbecue Pit. I possess some vague rumors… er, I mean absolute proof that the leaders of the Barbecue Pit possess weapons of mass hyperbole. The Barbecue Pit is an immenent threat to neighboring forums and to it’s own denizens. Only immediate action by General Questions forces can contain this menace.

The existence of the BBQ Pit, good sir A Monkey With a Gun, keeps its northern neighbors safe by deflecting excess heat from those fora and into this one. Unless you cite proof of this imminent threat, I must demand, on behalf of the pitizens, a retraction of this foul and false statement.

You know, you used the words “immediate action.” Are you sure you know how this works?

Hah. Twentyador is so small that when they take umbrage, they have no room to put it. Hey, don’t translate that part for them. I’m just joking around.

I move that we send a strongly worded letter to Twentyador taking umbrage at their umbrage. All in favor …

I’d like to point out that Twentyador is the second nation named for its latitude (after “Ecuador,” which proved elusive in Trivial Pursuit). Technically, the state is known as Twentynorthador, and is the only nation named for both its latitude *and]/i] longitude. It is governed by brothers Jean-Claude and Jean-Paul Beche-de-Mer, who bought it from Princess Marietta of Portugal for a handful of pretty beads, and rule from the Big Hammock of State, where there is room for at least 20 kilos of umbrage before one brother has to get up and put it on the Driveway. Oh, the stories I could tell! Perhaps another time. We of Twentyador are not linear thinkers like you Western vermin–er, gentlemen.

I can assure you that the upmost care will be taken to secure the heat deflection resources of the barbecue pit. We have already assembled a team of cronies… I mean impartial experts to manage these resources once the forum has been secured. As well as threatening their neighbors, madmen such as Generalisismo Arnold Winkelreid have used unlawfully developed hyperbole to put a stranglehold on the heat deflection industry. We must not allow an evil regime to destabalize the region.

Absolute, verifiable, indisputable evidence will be provided after the forum is secured. Security concerns prevent us from sharing this information with the suckers… I mean public at this time.

Such evidence is required before the cooperation of the pitizens, without which you will be, at best, at a serious disadvantage, and at worst up shit creek without a paddle or a roll of toilet paper, becomes available.

Should you decide to take pre-emptive measures I can only assure you that the full efforts of the pitizens to secure their holdings and interests will be observed by all.

Nonsense. The pitizens desire liberty above all and will welcome us with open arms. They have suffered too long under the tyranny of Ayatollah Corrado. The General Questions forces are their liberators and will be met with kissess, ticker tape parades, and Dairy Queen coupon books.

: bangs shoe on table angrily :


Ayatollah Corrado has been AWOL (with noted exceptions) for some time now. In his absence, Lynn Bodoni and Coldfire have been more than capable in their duties.

You will discover for yourself what the pitizens desire should you attempt to alter their lifestyles.

Speaking for the stock exchange, I think we should suck their brains out with a straw, sell the widows and orphans and go into South American zinc.

: bangs shoe on table angrily :

Take my country seriously!

Someone needs a trip to Disneyland.

That’s all I’m sayin’.

The pitizens, like good people everywhere, desire to be able to control their own destinies and live their own lives. If we stand aside and allow a ruthless clan to continue its oppressive regime, then the Pit has become nothing more than a great debating society.