Some towns and city quarters in my country have a one-child-only tradition. Funny thing is it has a way of being discarded by the next generation. My maternal grandparents were both sole offsprings, but I have one aunt and three uncles on the mother’s side.
This was probably more rare during the days before The Pill and particularly during the baby boom. Today families seem to be smaller and there are more likely more only children so it’s probable it will not be a rare with younger couples than it was a couple of generations ago.
My friend and her husband are both only children. Now they have had one child and don’t want any more. As only children dealing with ailing parents, they already see how difficult it can be later on, but that doesn’t make them want to have a sibling for their daughter. No, children cost too much, they’ll have only one and she can deal with whatever happens later.
While I probably wouldn’t have chosen to approach the topic with the same level of sarcasm/bitterness, as a fellow only child I fundamentally agree with this post.
My dad was also an only child, and I’ve never met a humbler, more self-effacing person than he was.
You sound a bit judgmental, FarmChick. May I point out that (a) it’s none of your business; and (b) they may be taking steps, as my husband I are are, to ensure that we do not burden our child when we’re elderly.
There are a lot of bad reasons to have children, but “having enough offspring to take care of me when I’m old”, assuming one lives in a developed country, has to be one of the worst.
I’m 61 and my three brothers range from 3 years younger to 4 years older (only girl, in the middle). Our parents were both only children. Our mother is still around at 94, having been born in 1919.
The one biggest issue I felt strongly growing up, and it keeps resurfacing on occasion as an adult, is that we had no aunts and uncles, and no first cousins. When my parents got divorced when I was about 10 years old (1962), which also came after the death of our 2-year-old sister (I was 8 years older than her), I keenly felt the lack of any kind of family “buffer” to counteract the anger and loneliness and loss that I felt at that time. And it has haunted me throughout my life.
Up until finding this very forum discussion, I had never heard or read of anyone else having this particular kind of family configuration. I’ve always felt “uniquely deprived” in my worst moments, and “uniquely different” in my more neutral states of being. The big “theme” throughout my life has been a feeling of “lack of family relationships.” Those phantom aunts and uncles who might have been a source of comfort during all the loss… the girl cousins who might have been playmates and confidantes away from my brothers…
While it’s interesting to find out that there actually ARE other people who have shared this experience, I’d still say that it is definitely pretty rare. Because it took me several searches on different phrases, and going down several pages before finding this forum (yes, I have been specifically looking for info about this issue).
But as one person posted here, and as I have seen by just doing a quick internet search, only children are becoming a LOT more common than they ever have been. I suspect that it was awfully rare back in 1919 and 1920 when my parents were born. And quite rare for two of them to find each other and get married. THEIR parents (my two sets of grandparents) all had plenty of siblings.
I hope that with our increased awareness of child psychology and increased interest in monitoring children’s mental health, that the new children who will be born into families without aunts, uncles, and cousins will somehow have greater access to other social support systems, besides just their own two parents, than I did. (And in my case, my father was out of the picture, so it was just my mother!)
I’m very glad I found this discussion. I have no idea what topics are discussed here. I’ll have to go look around now!
I’m an only, and I was always told to “marry somebody from a big family because it’s the only way you’ll ever be an aunt.” This from my mother, who was one of four and had been estranged from her siblings for a very long time. My dad was essentially an only – there was roughly 10-12 years between himself and his sister.
I did date somebody who was also an only. Our relationship was quite similar to what purplehorseshoe said upthread: Introverted, bookish, very quiet. In some ways it was the perfect relationship because neither of us felt the need to downplay those aspects of ourselves. I don’t remember why we broke up, but I’m willing to bet part of it was because we were a little too much alike.
Since no one has attempted a factual answer, I’ll at least give the outlines of one. For a basic approximation, find out the number of single children in the world, divided by sex, relative to the number of people at large, also divided by sex. Put them in the following fomula: (singleParentedWomensingleParentedMen)/(numberOfwomennumberOfMen).
For more accuracy or precision, create other limiting factors. Limit all groups by age. Choose a specific geographical location. Throw in infertility or sexuality, etc.
This is something I’ve put a lot of thought into over the years as well, being an only child myself. Nice to see I’m not the only one.
Growing up, I had 2 aunts, 3 uncles, and 2 slightly older cousins who lived in other states, but I still saw on holidays etc., so I never really felt a lack of family. I also had 2 step brothers growing up (now estranged, but still step brothers) that only lived in the same house as me for a year or so. I also have several half-siblings which I only met within the past few years.
Skip ahead to now, where I find myself engaged to my lovely fiancée who is also an only child. In the 3.5 years we’ve been together (and especially in the months since we’ve been engaged), I find myself mulling over the thought that our kid(s) won’t have any aunts, uncles, or cousins. I can’t decide whether that’s bad or not, but it is what it is I suppose. It’s a weird thought, especially since we both grew up with extended family we were close to. I will say that, if how our parents treat our dogs is any indication, our kid(s) will certainly have some grandparents spoiling the hell out of them.
As for only children not being compatible in relationships, I only have my own data point to go by, but I’d say that just like any other relationship, the odds of success are entirely dependent on the individuals involved in it. I’ve never gotten along with someone as well as I do my fiancée, and we both appear to be non-narcissistic team players despite having been “deprived only children”. 
My late H and I were/are only children. (He was born in 1939, me in 1948). My late H’s father was also an only child. After my H died, I had a boyfriend for a few years who was an only child (born in 1950).
Compatibility may be more related to introvert/extrovert than number or existence of sibs.
My husband and I are both only children, and so is our daughter.
I would be interested in knowing how old your daughter is and if she has ever made any comments or asked any questions about the aunts/uncles/cousins issue, or about being an only child herself. Also, if you don’t mind my asking, do you feel that there are other types of “family support” in your lives? Are there other adults who your daughter can turn to if Mom and/or Dad don’t quite fit the bill, or aren’t available, for any reason? If you didn’t read my post above, that explains why I have all these questions…
Thank you! And if you don’t want to answer, that’s OK. I’m hoping to connect with people who have the child’s perspective, and so far this is the ONLY website or page I have ever come across that even comes close to addressing this particular “family configuration.” I will appreciate any feedback, thanks!
b-hugs, I can relate to some of the “lack of family” support that you refer to. My parents both have siblings, but I don’t know any of my aunts, uncles or cousins intimately or feel much of a connection to them; it’s strange hearing my SO talking how well he knew his cousins and other family growing up and I find myself feeling lonely when it comes to imagining family gatherings.
As for my personal situation–I’m not technically an only child, but both of my half-sisters had almost no connection to my upbringing and have over 25 years of life on me. They have half-siblings and step-siblings they were raised with. I have memories of spending tons of time on my own and being a very introverted, shy kid. My grandparents died years before I was born. I had a babysitter who was virtually my second mom though and interacted with other kids at her house. I would be an extremely different person if it weren’t for her influence on my life.
My SO also had no siblings, although, as I said, he did have closer extended family bonds than I did. Both of us are pretty introverted, for the record.