In the lunchroom today all the mothers sat around and told kid stories for an hour while they ate their left over mac and cheese and pot roast. Most of the time I listen, but today I spoke up. I found out today that I am the only mother that is less than thirty and has only one child.
You see I am happy with only one child. I am a single parent, even though my daughter’s Dad is in the picture somewhat. I am her sole caretaker and disciplinary. Daddy is a Disneyland daddy. He comes into town once a month to see both of his children. He has a sixteen year old son from another woman.
Now the age difference between my daughter and her half brother is twelve years. I think it’s fine that she has no younger siblings. These mothers that were talking in the lunchroom thought differently. I basically got mixed opinions, but I told them if they wanted to carry a baby for nine months puking every day and go through the horrible labor and delivery that I did, that they can go right ahead.
All those mothers had from two to four children a peice. Freaking baby making machines I tell ya.
I don’t see anything wrong with my four year old not having any younger siblings.
What do you think? Are you or do you have only one child and how does it affect you or them?
I have only one - she’s 16. I’d have liked another, but it was not to be. We even looked into adopting, but the process would have taken so long, we felt our family would be too settled to accept another that far down the line.
Our Perfect Child[sup]TM[/sup] always wanted a sib. However, she’d not have a car and her own sailboat and 2 rooms and all the other stuff she’s got, not to mention a LOT of our time and attention. She has lots of friends and because we have more disposable income, she’s been able to do things that would have been out of reach otherwise - like 2 weeks at summer camp or a variety of lessons.
Sounds like she should be a spoiled brat, but she’s actually a good kid - Honor Society, employed, varsity swim team, jv softball, chorus. sophomore board, flag football, plus she scoops the poop after our doggies, and sometimes, for no reason, she’ll hug us. She’s very mature for her age, and I think that’s a result of being around adults a lot. Who knows how different she’d be if she’d had sibs…
Regardless, family size is a personal decision and most certainly NOT the business of coworkers, relatives, neighbors, or strangers in the park. Smile, nod, and do whatever works for you.
yes, he complains about being an only child. As I recall, I was quite embittered about having an older sister and a younger brother. There’s advantages and disadvantages to both.
FCM had to right - it is your decision, you don’t have to defend it to anyone else.
First, and I know this isn’t the pit, but I think you should smack those silly cows who dared to insinuate that whatever choice you make for your family structure is wrong.
I’m about 5 months pregnant with my first child right now, so I can’t really speak to the parenting side of it, but I do think I have a unique perspective. You see, I am my mother’s only child but I have an older sister, and older brother and a younger brother on my dad’s side. I spent nearly equal time with my mom and my dad as I was growing up, and still do now, on holidays and such. So in many ways I got to experience both what being an only child is like and what being one of a large group of siblings is like.
I have to say that I really value my siblings more than I can express and would really really be devastated if they were no longer in my life. Having an older sister to turn to for advice and support is great. Having a little sister to mentor and tease relentlessly (my favorite nickname for her being monkeybuttface) is such a joy. I’m not so close with my brother, basically because we have little in common, but still I know that he’s on my side when it comes down to the wire.
Does this mean that had I never known the sibling relationship would I miss it? I can’t say for sure. Being an only child was great and my mom and I have an incredibly close relationship. I still feel pretty posessive of her and rely upon her as one of my main support systems. And it is great to have her completely avaliable to me and not distracted by needs of any siblings.
I don’t think there is any proven developmental benefit to being either only or having siblings - my understanding is that there are plusses and minuses each way. I don’t think that it makes any sense to have a kid just so that your firstborn can have a sibling though - only you can know what is best for your family.
only have one so far, and wife and i think we will stop there. hey, we got it right the first time!
seriously, we ain’t getting any younger and the risks go up dramaticly as you get close to the big four- :eek: . we have a perfect, healty child now that we adore and can spoil rotton. don’t really need another. but who knows? they sure are cute and fun to have around!
we have plenty of clothes and toys…benefits from the job…carseat, highchair…
You are welcome to have as many or as few children as you’d like. And so are your companions. Come now, don’t you think they were all just justifying their procreational choices? I bet that if you didn’t have any children, they would harp about how great having at least one was.
Geez, you people! You think four kids is a lot? I have known two families with 9 children in them each!
I’m not a parent, so should probably shut up, but in my experience, most ‘only’ children I have met have been, well, weird. I have yet to meet a really normal one, honest. Either they act like a pseudo-adult at the age of 7 or become pathological liars to convince their parents that they are a perfect kid, or are so spoiled rotten that I can’t stand them, etc. I’m really not down on only children in general, this is just what I get from my experience. I have two siblings, and think that having no siblings has got to be boring and lonely.
But, none of my opinions have any bearing on what you should do with your life–to each his own!
So wait a minute–you say you’re a single mother. Therefore, I assume you don’t have a SO. Do they think you should get artificially inseminated? Or do they think you should go get some random guy to knock you up? How bizarre!
Your kid will be just fine as an only child. Maybe in the future, you will meet the right guy and decide to have another child. That will be good, too. Either way is just fine.
As to what the above poster said–I couldn’t disagree more. I know lots of only children who are now happy and well-adjusted adults.
I’ve only one. A boy, 9.
I didn’t marry til I was 32, and didn’t want to have kids til I was married, so I waited.
(actually, I had sex one time before I met my husband, 5 years after that).
I will not have any more.
I am too darn old. 43.
SO if I marry again, I will get my tubes tied, or wait til I go thru the change.
I was an only too. Its nice; you can bring your friends over and theres no little brother or sister buggin you!
Hey Magickally Delicious, as an only child I take offense to that. Are you calling me a pathological liar? Abnormal?
I’ll have you know any abnormalities I currently enjoy have absolutely nothing to do with the fact I have no siblings. In the future you might want to hold back on the retarded generalizations about people.
BTW, I know a couple of “pathological” liars, and – guess what? – they both have siblings. As far as the several not-very-normal head cases I have known, I’m sure many of them had brothers and/or sisters too.
For what it’s worth, here’s a brief list of famous “onlies:”
Mahatma Gandhi
Indira Gandhi
Franklin Delano Roosevelt
Elvis Presley
Sammy Davis Jr.
Albert Einstein
Charles Lindbergh
Nancy Reagan
Chelsea Clinton
Cary Grant
John Lennon
Joe Montana
Frank Sinatra
Basically each to his own. You were right to defend your situation.
HOWEVER, doesn’t your comment Freaking baby making machines I tell ya. make you as bad as them? I understand you probably wrote it in the heat of the moment, but if you have the right to have just one child, then they have as much right to have three or four (as long as they can look after them).
I’m pregnant with my third, which was unplanned. This will be our last one, no ifs ands or buts. Simply because I can’t deal with any more. And we don’t want our kids to go without. We can’t spoil them and give them everything they want, but we can scrimp a little to take holidays, go camping, buy toys they like without too much trouble.
I am an “only child” and my daughter, Little Honey, will be an “only child.”
As an “only child”, I hate, hate, hate that phrase by the way since it implies that mother could “only” have one child, I prefer the term Since-you-were-my-first-child-and-so-perfect-why-would-I-ever-have-another, but I guess that is too long.
I can never remember feeling lonely. About half of the kids in my class would show up after school each day to play. I knew how to entertain myself, spending hours in my room reading each day.
Never, ever, let anyone tell you that you are selfish to have “only one” or that your child “needs” a brother or sister, all that is utter bullshit.
You do what your heart tells you to do and what what your finances allow you to do. Either way, however many children you have, the most important thing is that they know you love them.
Honey.
My only child, a son will be 3 in June. I will be 49.
I didn’t think I could get pregnant, and then…I was pregnant.
My tubes are tied and I will not be having any more kids.
I had an easy pregnancy and was blessed with a normal, healthy,
and now very active boy.
My test came back positive and half an hour later my Dad died. It was a bad day and a good day. I felt I couldn’t mourn or I would lose my baby. I had to be strong for him, healthy for him, peaceful
for him.
We have a 2 bedroom house. We are old(er). One child is plenty kid for us.
I am glad I had my tubes tied, because I see babies and think how nice and sweet and cozy little babies are and I’d like another one…
I did get put down by some other mothers for breast-feeding for two years. My son has never been sick, is smart and caring of other children and I feel like I gave him the best start in life that I could have given him. Pooh! On the other Moms!
I have two kids, but I have five friends who have one and don’t plan to have more. Of those five, one is a spoiled brat who constantly demands attention from any adult in the room, three are perfectly normal kids who act much the same way mine do, and the fifth is a highly gifted child who’s almost preternaturally well-behaved and a joy to be around (she’s my younger daughter’s best friend - yay!). I’d lay odds that these children would have the same basic personalities if they had any number of siblings. And I’d bet that my older one would be much the same without a younger sibling - she’d just have to complain about something else.
I think that some people feel such a strong need to justify their own choices in life that they can’t stand to acknowledge that someone else could be just as right making different choices. Screw em.
I’m tlw. On June 29, I will be 43 years old. On June 30, I am due to give birth to my first child.
I’ve been married for nearly 22 years and had given up on ever having a baby, even though we never did anything to prevent the occurence. So here I am. One baby at 43. And if I can have another at 44 and another at 45, I will. I won’t hold my breath, but anything can happen.
I echo what everyone else said - to each their own. It’s a good thing to be free to make these choices for ourselves. Good thing none of us are in the PRC, I guess.
We’d like two or three, but finances and circumstances make that highly inadvisable at this time.
I have many siblings, half-siblings, step-siblings, adoptive-siblings, and foster-siblings. I count at least 17, just off the top of my head, and I’m sure I missed a couple. Small families are easier.
Have however many you will: One, none, or many, provided you can care for them well. Other than that, it’s no one’s business but you own.
The Queen of the Universe is, and will be, an only child. She’s only three, but she doesn’t seem to be suffering any ill effects of being an only child.
So far the duckling is an only child. We want to have another, but number one did such a job to my wife’s body that it may not happen (in terms of back/hip/leg pain, not any weird Dead Ringers type of thing). It’s been tough on her, friends and family keep asking when we’ll add to the flock, and my wife sometimes feels like it’s all her fault. I keep telling her that her health is much more important to me than another child, but no matter what I say to her, I think she feels that she’s letting me down.
