The media angle is of course on how Facebook was involved, but I don’t care about that idiocy.
Here’s the question – having used the online communication to establish that the daughter seemed fine, had seemingly built a fine life with the dad, there being no indication of abuse, bad parenting, etc. by dad – and the kids having no relationship with/memory of mom – WTF was gained by her getting dad arrested? It’s clear from the child services lady’s comments that the kids are far from overjoyed at the prospect of forging some brand new relationship with a woman who put their dad in jail and broke up a seemingly-functional family unit.
The law’s the law, but more and more I feel criminal law has little place in domestic disagreements where violence is not involved. Can anyone articulate a good reason, other than vengeance over their long-ago failed marriage, for the mother to have gone to the cops knowing what she knew?
Preserving the integrity and enforceability of child custody orders? I doubt that’s what she was thinking, but I find that a pretty compelling reason for the progression of this case.
How about the fact that the father was violating an existing custody order for the last 15 years, having wrongfully taken the children contrary to said order, fled across state lines, and hidden the mother’s children from her for 15 years? That strikes me as a damn fine reason to go to the police for a criminal complaint, and to also bring a contempt action for violation of the custody order.
The children’s best interest was weighed in establishing the custody order. It was NOT in their best interest to be with their father. Then he kidnapped them. He’s the one that ignored their best interest.
As a divorced dad I know how the system treats fathers, but you don’t just run away with the kids. Women do this (vanish with the kids) far more commonly than men. If my ex did this should I just shrug my shoulders and move on? You don’t just swipe kids. Men or women who do this should be prosecuted. Not punishing him would set a horrible precedent.
We don’t know anything about the circumstances that existed at the time or the competence of the tribunal that entered the order (but, nice appeal to authority).
We do have some objective evidence that things shook out all right with dad – the kids are happy and really, really don’t want to leave.
Do the ends justify the means? Should I be allowed to steal from you if I make better use of what I steal than you would have? And how in the hell can you determine that their lives might have been worse with their mother?
The father pretty much forfeited any chance he had of modifying the order when he absconded with the children, in violation of both criminal law and valid court orders.
The kids, being kids, do not get to decide what is in their own best interest. Having tried more custody cases than I can count, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a parent promise a kid things…cars, bicycles, video games, clothes, phones, computers, etc…to say they’d rather live with the offering parent. I have also seen at least one parent tell a four year old child that Santa Claus would not visit the child anymore if the child lived with the other parent.
These children have been wrongfully hidden from their mother for 15 years, and the father has likely poisoned the well pretty thoroughly over that time. He does not get to benefit from his wrongful conduct. He’s also likely on his way to prison, so his custody/future contact with the children for the remainder of their childhood appears to be moot.
Nowhere in here have I said the ends justify the means. Nowhere have I said that he was right to do what he did, or that the custody order was for sure wrong, or that their life would have been worse with mom. Please don’t put words into my mouth – I just did not say that.
In fact, let me stipulate that dad: (a) broke a law that is very clear; (b) acted recklessly; (c) put his kids in an inherently problematic situation – there have to have been aspects of fugitive life that were suboptimal. Were they more, less, or equally suboptimal as being kids in a bitter joint custody/absent father situation? I can’t say, I don’t know the facts. I’ll go further and say the fact that the kids seem pretty happy is not dispositive – they could just be used to a fairly mediocre dad (doesn’t sound that way, but could be).
Here is my actual OP: at this point, and taking into account the “best interests of the child” – is it 100% clear that it is in those best interests to break up an intact family in favor of – what? It seems very clear that a warm fuzzy relationship with mom will be long in forming if at all. I don’t discount dad’s lawbreaking – in fact, I’d take it into account as a non-trivial negative factor in the best-interests analysis (kids arguably don’t fare as well under the care of someone willing to break the law as under the care of someone who’s never done so, and let’s assume mom never has here). But violating a custody order is not (IMHO) what used to be called a “crime involving moral turpitude.” Is his violation so grave that it automatically trumps whatever real, intense relationship he and the two kids have built over 15 years? I can’t buy that as a slam dunk.
And what about the rights of the mother, who did things the right way? She went to court, and apparently won custody of her children. She likely also was awarded child support, which I doubt the father has paid. How would you compensate her for missing pretty much the entirety of her children’s childhood, in violation of the custody order and criminal law?
The father has unclean hands now. He can’t really ask the court to allow the kids to stay with him, even if he doesn’t go to prison, because he is not in full compliance with the Court’s prior order.
Right. Because the child support is a personal property entitlement of hers. Which she should get even if the kids are not (for whatever reason) living with her.
The kids deserve the right to know the full extent of what he did to them and to her, and she deserves a chance to undo years of brainwashing. Doing the right thing isn’t always doing the easy thing, but it doesn’t make it any less right.
Why are you treating these kids as if they are unclaimed and/or abandoned property? They were kidnapped and brainwashed. They were lied to, and forced to lie.