I am exploring a subject that has become near and dear to my heart and was hoping some of you could help -
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[li]Did your self-image suffer after having a baby?[/li][li]Did you have an identity crisis?[/li][li]What about your feelings towards sex?[/li][li]How long before you started to feel like a sexual person again?[/li][li]What did you do to “get it” back?[/li][li]Do you still feel as attractive now as you did before getting pregnant?[/li][li]If not, why?[/li][li]Do you still feel as confident as you did before?[/li][/ol]
Did your self-image suffer after having a baby? Nope, if anything, it improved.
Did you have an identity crisis? Nope, I believe becoming a mom defined me. My identity crisis previous to becoming pregnant was lifelong!
What about your feelings towards sex? Sex drive decreased a little, because of physical discomfort “down there”, exhaustion from having a new baby to take care of, and hormones because I’m breastfeeding.
How long before you started to feel like a sexual person again? Got back in the saddle about 6 weeks or so after baby arrived.
What did you do to “get it” back? Went on a date with my husband, wearing pre-pregnancy jeans, and we both flirted like crazy and ended up in a parking lot fooling around.
Do you still feel as attractive now as you did before getting pregnant? Nope.
If not, why? I have a few more pounds to lose to get back to pre-preggo (which was STILL much too big). Plus my extra pounds are all around my middle so tops and pants don’t fit the same, which is frustrating and makes me feel like a big lump.
Do you still feel as confident as you did before? Oh, much more so. Being a mom has changed me drastically.
Nope. I’d finally succeeded! And everyone paid attention to me!
No. I was still me, I just had a baby too. Bonus! I didn’t suffer at all from PPD, so I had an easy time relative to many.
With a c-section, they tell you to wait 6 weeks. Like many, we said, “How can we wait for 6 weeks?!” But it’s impossible with a huge healing scar on your tummy. And by 6 weeks, you’re both too exhausted to think about it. But it got better after that.
I dunno, nothing much.
No, but my husband does not agree and tells me so often, so it’s not so bad. And nursing was a good weight-loss strategy, so I was pretty happy about that; I wound up 25 pounds lighter than I’d started.
My stomach muscles are ruined, the stretch marks are pretty bad.
If anything, I feel more self-confident. There is a lot I know I can handle now, and that’s not really just motherhood, it’s that I’ve done a lot in the last 6 years that has helped me grow.
Except for one thing; when one of my kids has an accident and I realize how precious they are and how fast I could lose them. That’s terrifying! Parenthood is not for the faint-hearted.
[ol][li]Did your self-image suffer after having a baby?[/li]Well, I’ve been a mon since I was 18, so my self-image has ALWAYS included being a mother. But I became a SAHM with WhyBaby (now 13 months old), and for a while it was really, really hard to admit that when asked “What do you do [for a career]?” In my heart, I equated SAHM with “lazy person who sponges off her husband” even though I’ve always known how much work and how valuable it is! I’ve always said that I think in an ideal situation, one parent should be a SAH parent, but when it actually came time to claim that for myself, I had a lot of trouble with that. I think I really only became comfortable with it in the last three months or so. [li]Did you have an identity crisis?[/li]I’m not sure what this means.**
[li]What about your feelings towards sex?**[/li]Not interested. At all. A lot of it has to do with hormones from breastfeeding, plus I’m on a huge dose of Domperidone, which messes with prolactin. I’m starting to wean off the Domperidone now, and should be totally off in a month, so I hope the libido improves. OTOH, a lot of why I’m not interested has to do with my appearance, which I’m not proud of right now. [li]How long before you started to feel like a sexual person again?[/li]I’ll let you now. Not yet. [li]What did you do to “get it” back?[/li]As soon as I’m done pumping milk, I’m going on a radical diet and exercise plan. I’ve been trying to lose while pumping, but have not been able to do it while eating all the nutrients I need for the milk. I’ve been on a super strict diet plan, counting and measuring, but the minimum needed for safe milk production is still gaining me weight. This may have something to do with the Domperidone, I’m not sure. I’m considering lapband. I need to get this weight off, and I’m getting desperate. Not only does it affect my sexuality, but I can’t even move to bend and stretch and play with a toddler the way I want to. It sucks. [li]Do you still feel as attractive now as you did before getting pregnant?[/li]Not even close. [li]If not, why?[/li]Just the fat. I’ve had stretch marks and sags since I was 18, but I’ve never been this fat. [li]Do you still feel as confident as you did before?[/li]I feel more confident about my ability to handle anything thrown my way. WhyBaby made a dramatic entrance into the world, and I had to face a lot of scary stuff I never thought I’d be strong enough for. I’m planning on going to nursing school to become a neo-natal intensive care nurse, something I’d considered in the past, but never thought I was smart or talented enough for. Now I have no doubts that I can do it.
I feel more secure in my relationships with other people. I’ve learned how to be a good leader, and my husband and I have never had a better relationship (even though we haven’t had sex in a year.) I can actually feel my heart swell every single time I look at my daughter, and I’ve come to realize that that physical feeling is the “Love” that Jesus talked about us all having for one another. If I try, I can now feel that love for every single person on this planet, even the misguided, mean and evil ones. I have never felt more powerful as a human or a child of the Divine (and no, I’m not Christian).
Now, if I could decrease the size of my ass, I’d be truly happy! [/ol]
No self image suffering. No identity crisis. I did have PPD, but I knew it was my body chemistry playing out and kicked it after a few weeks.
Sex…sex was interesting, basically because of the birthcontrol/breastfeeding issues - as well as the tearing I did and the lack of sleep. It was a few years between giving birth and wanting sex (first the PPD, then the breastfeeding/birthcontrol issue, finally the lack of sleep). Got it back by sleeping. Kids can be tough - “do I want sleep, or do I want sex. Sleep.”
Nope. My daughter was born when I was 33. So I’d started to hit the “noticably aging” point and my body didn’t bounce back. Stretch marks and my cottage cheese tummy. Plus some regret that my breasts and ass aren’t where they used to be located. It all would have fallen eventually, preganancy just hastened it a little and made the difference immediately noticable.
Thank you for your honest answers! I have noticed a trend (I have been asking around) that younger moms suffer more from the identity thing than older moms, and then also SAHMs more.
Self-image: It’s improved in some ways, suffered in others. I have found myself being more girly-girl than I have ever been and although I know my body isn’t the same as it used to be (bummer) I’m more comfortable in it than ever. My little beast is 6 months old, and my skin is still stretchy (bummer) but it reminds me of carrying her (YAY!) As much as I adore having her, I miss feeling her, I miss my bump!
Identity crisis: Insomuch as I became one with my inner Mama Bear, that took some adjusting. All of the sudden, I didn’t matter one whit. That was odd.
Sex: Bleh, I think about it, does that count? I’m not sure what it is, when my babybeast is asleep, all I can think about is sleep/shower/not being on call. I am home with her 5 days a week, I don’t get much alone time, so when hubby is needy, I’m about all needed out. Which is odd, because I love him like never before.
Sexual Person: See above. I feel like this body that I now have is more…oh og, womanly? But it just isn’t translating to sex quite yet. Let babybeast sleep through the night (Note post time, she’s bright eyed and bushy tailed right now, and I’m zonked)
Get “it” back: I’ll let you know
6/7. Attractiveness: Again, I feel more attractive in many ways, but the old grey mare ain’t what she used to be. I’ve been back to pre-pregnancy weight for a while and things are roughly where they used to be. My body is like the new Darren on Bewitched, vaguely familiar, but very different.
Confidence: I got it in spades, baby. More than ever. I am woman, hear me roar!
I was 37 when I became a Mom. It was something I had wanted for a while, we had been trying for 2 years, so I was getting very bummed out. When the big tsunami hit, I didn’t know I was pregnant, my mother suggested I adopt a tsunami orphan. Yeah, I was that girl. The sad looks, the don’t tell her I’m pregnant, the don’t ask about kids person. The person I never wanted to be.
I’ve also turned into this freaky baby person, I love 'em all, I love pregnant women, expectant fathers, baby drool, dirty diapers.
As per the above post, Being a mom isn’t for sissies. It takes more than I ever knew I had, but I have it and that is just amazingly awesome. Even at 3:00am with a bright-eyed baby.
I felt great after Kid Kalhoun was born. I weighed 103 lbs when I left the hospital (and no stretchmarks thankyouverymuch). The only part I didn’t like was the fact that I was soooooo tired for a couple months. Other than that, people told me I looked great, so my self-esteem didn’t suffer in the least.
For information purposes, I was 26 when my son was born, and 27 when my daughter was born. I was a housewife throughout their childhoods (they are now 18 and 19).
& 2. I’ve never suffered from either self-image problems or identity issues. I don’t know whether this is because I have an unusually stable personality or because I am just not a very introspective person. Probably some of both.
It also helped that I had a partner who always treated my contributions with respect. He has never talked down to me, and has always shared his worklife concerns with me. Another thing that helped is that I always read a lot – books, magazines, and newspapers – and kept up with current events. It’s easy for a stay-at-home parent to let her world get very small. I tried very hard not to let that happen.
3., 4., 5. & 6. This differed between the two kids. I had a normal pregancy & delivery with my son and he was a strong, healthy baby. I got my figure back right away (was back in my pre-pregnancy clothes within days) within days. Other than being a bit tired due to the interrupted sleep, my sex drive and sense of self as a sexual being didn’t suffer at all.
My daughter, on the other hand, was very premature (almost 3 months), very small (2 lbs. 9 oz.) and very sick (she had every preemie health issue to one degree or another). I had a transfusion and a classic c-section. It took me a long time (6 - 8 months) to get my figure and strength back. Plus, I was very sad and worried about my daughter’s health – we knew there would be permanent problems with her health (brain damage was a given at this point, we were just waiting to see how it would manifest). This all affected my sex drive a good bit, as well as my spirits in general – in fact it affected my husband’s drive & spirits also. We both started to turn the corner at about the 8 month mark – once Doe was diagnosed with CP. Once we had a definate diagnosis we both felt a lot better.
I should also say that there has always been a disparity between my husband’s sex drive (very high) and my own. We recognised that disparity early on and came to a compromise that suited us both. I think this helped – I know that we have had far fewer issues with sex than most of my friends have had with their husbands.
My looks: I looked as good after the kids were born (once I got my figure back) as I did before. Better, in fact. I would consider my high point, lookswise, to be around age 30 - 35.
I’ve been struggling a bit recently with feelings about losing my looks. Nothing to do with my kids, of course, who are grown. It’s just age – I turned 45 and have gained a bit of weight that I’m having trouble taking off plus the sags, bags, and wrinkles. Bleech.
My confidance increased after my kids were born. I think this was marginally due to having the kids – my daughter, especially. You have to become an advocate for your children, which requires poise & confidance. And this advocacy is even more necessary with a special-needs child. But it was at least partly a construct of just getting older. In my early 20s, I often second-guessed myself and I worried a lot about how I would ‘look’ to others – by the time I was in my 30s I had outgrown (for lack of a better word) these issues.
[li]Did your self-image suffer after having a baby? Yes - I didn’t want to be “a mom”, never had wanted to. All I could think of were the miles & miles of pb&j sandwiches ahead of me. I didn’t want that existence.[/li]
At the same time, though, I was really proud of my body for producing two little beings.
[li]Did you have an identity crisis? Yes. But having worked through it, I’d say I’m much happier now than I was before having kids. I’ve got “me” back - and then some![/li] [li]What about your feelings towards sex? Fool me once…(j/k). I’ve been a lot hornier ever since stopping bcp, so that’s a benefit.[/li] [li]How long before you started to feel like a sexual person again? About a year probably. The first year of motherhood was overwhelming for me, but it did get easier.[/li] [li]What did you do to “get it” back? Caught up on my sleep.[/li] [li]Do you still feel as attractive now as you did before getting pregnant?[/li][li]If not, why? My body has changed permanently, but I carried twins so it’s a little different. I haven’t had time to color my roots in months, I’m rarely aware of what I’m wearing, haven’t bought clothes for myself in forever, yadda yadda. But I wasn’t all that into my appearance beforehand, anyway.[/li] [li]Do you still feel as confident as you did before? Much moreso. I’ve got Mama Bear Mojo now, don’t even think about messing w/my cubs.[/li]I’ll give you one that you probably wouldn’t think to ask — it really, really helps to have Mommy friends. Becoming a mother is like joining the biggest sorority ever. The things we share and the respect we have for one another helps to change the picture. We know we’re Warrior Women, in our own way. Outsiders have no clue.
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