Moms - what's it like being pregnant?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I guess I do plan on having a couple of kids in the future (I’m almost 30, so guess in the next 2-5 years). My finace really wants to have kids but I’m PETRIFIED of being pregnant, gaining all that weight, being semi-immobile, back pains, etc. Not to mention the terrible pain of childbirth, and the notion that I’ll never be the same size again.

Yes, this sounds terribly selfish, but I really am scared. I’m not the most maternal person on the face of the earth either, so I’m wondering if I should really pass on my genes in the first place…

:frowning:

2

For me being pregnant was wonderful! Once the morning sickness passed (about 2 weeks with first child, six weeks with second) I just felt more or less normal. When the baby starts moving and kicking, it’s very exciting. I got a little tired near the end of both pregnancies. Let cramps at night in the last few weeks were more annoying than painful. I loved being pregnant both times. I wish I could have had a couple more!

Childbirth, for me was a piece of cake. Over 24 hours of labor with both of them but the first 3/4 of it was extremely mild to moderate. When I was still in the recovery room after the birth of my first child, I told my family I was ready to do it again!

I always hate to hear women tell pregnancy and birth horror stories because I’m afraid it will terrify people just like you! I think most of us have good experiences but you only hear about the bad ones.

Please don’t be afraid. It’s a wonderful and extraordinary experience.

3

jellen92 : You make a couple of comments about weight gain - that’s the last thing you should be concerned about. Pregnant women gain weight, they’re supposed to - and in most cases, with proper diet and exercise it’s quite easy to get your shape back within a few months. And yes, childbirth is painful for most - I had two difficult C-sections - but the reward is incredible!! I’m sure you’ll make a fine mother, if it’s truly what you want to do.

4

It’s different for every woman, hon. And one thing I learned while pregnant is that your pregnancy won’t necessarily go as your mom’s did.

When I got pregnant, I weighed 330. Yes, you read that right. I only gained 20 pounds the whole time even though I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, however much I wanted. I had no problems: no diabetes, no high blood pressure. No real back problems either now that I think about it, just the usual lumbar aching towards the end. The only “problem” I had was I was tired the entire 9 months. I couldn’t get enough sleep. This may have been weight related, I don’t know. Plus I looked terrible the whole time :slight_smile:

You will not necessarily go up in size after the baby. I didn’t. Lots of women don’t. My mother lost about 70 pounds after having me (meaning after the labor and hospital stay, she walked out about 40-50 pounds lighter). You may not gain that much weight at all. It just depends on what you’re eating and how much you’re exercising and a bunch of other factors. You might just be one of those damn lucky women, like me.

The most important thing you can do while pregnant is exercise. Walk every day if you can. I sat on my ass for 9 months and I think that helped contribute to my very long labor. As I’ve only had one baby I can’t compare but next time around I WILL walk as much as I can and see what happens. And DO YOUR KEGELS so your bladder won’t get all leaky on you. I had problems for about a year afterwards.

As far as the pain of childbirth, yeah, it’s bad. That’s why we have drugs, though. Some women barely feel any pain due to the epidural.

Just to toss in, I had an OB the first time around. Next time around, given I am able, I will definitely go to a midwife. This is just MHO here but I find midwives to be much more patient with the birthing process and more knowledgable about actual childbirth. All the OBs want to do is get the kid out, preferably on a weekday so it won’t mess with their tee time on Saturday. They are much too quick to induce labor. Midwives will show you things during childbirth that can speed up the process, whereas with an OB you are pretty much confined to a bed the whole time (hungry, I might add), especially if you have an epidural. Midwives, IIRC, have a much lower rate of episiotomies as well.

That’s a big brush I’m painting with there and I realize that not all OBs are like that. I used to reject what I called the “granola” approach of childbirth (minimal drugs, midwives, natural as possible, etc.) but after my experience I think maybe they have the right idea. Ultimately, though, you will have to look at your own situation and decide what’s best for you. Do research all your options though, even the ones you are certain you’d never do. You just never know what may end up working for you.

PS: there is nothing like feeling your baby kick you and actually respond to your voice or your husband’s, putting earphones on your stomach and playing music for him/her, seeing that little heartbeat on the ultrasound screen, etc. If being a mom is what you’re into, these moments will be some of the best in your life.

You’ll do fine, jellen :slight_smile:

5

With a normal, healthy pregnancy, there is no reason for you to be “semi-immobile.” As others have pointed out, exercise is recommended–walking, swimming, going to the gym–even running, as long as you are comfortable, are all fine. The only thing you have to watch out for is getting overheated or activities in which there is a risk of falling. And getting back into shape is entirely up to you, same as it always was.

As for the pain, well, it is real, but, as others have mentioned, there are many options to help you manage it.

I completely understand your lack of maternal feelings. I had zero interest in other people’s babies before I had my own. It’s a mossy old cliche, but still true: It’s different when they are your own. Unless you are very odd indeed, you will fall in love with your kids like you’ve never fallen for anyone else.

So do whatever you feel is right, but don’t let fear of pregnancy determine whether you have kids or not. Pregnancy is the easy part!

6

For the most part, preganacy has been pretty OK for me. Some nausea in the first trimester, but I never threw up (though sometimes I wanted to!). The second trimester is the really fun part–you’re cutely pregnant, you feel good, and there’s nothing to feel bad about yet. Third trimester–well, I produce giant babies, so that was pretty awkward.

The first birth wasn’t too great. Pointless labor for 24 hours, then a c-section. (To give my OB credit, it was Friday night and he didn’t rush the c-section at all–quite the opposite.) Recovery wasn’t any fun.

The second birth, by comparison, was great! I recovered really fast from a planned c-section.

And nursing is the best diet ever. I’m steadily, slowly, losing weight. 8 more pounds, and I’m back to my happy weight (and the baby is 2 months old now).

7

I’m pregnant RIGHT NOW with my first baby. Obviously, I can’t comment on the labor part, but I’m really enjoying being pregnant. For the first time in my life, I’m not self-conscious about my body. I have everyone’s permission (including my own) to have a belly! I’ve gained 25 pounds so far (I’m 34 weeks into it), which is in line with what my doctor recommended. I’ve eaten pretty much what I wanted.

My pregnancy is high-risk, because I have lupus, so I’ve had to get a lot of testing done. Other than that, it’s been easy and I’ve remained as active as I’ve always been (which, admittedly, hasn’t ever involved mountain climbing or surfing or anything like that). Morning sickness and fatigue were non-existent. My skin looks better than it ever has. I’ve had some ligament pain, but nothing I can’t live with. Sex is better.

The coolest part, though, is feeling the baby move and kick. It’s kind of freaky in an Alien way, but very very cool. I lie in bed at night just feeling him move around. It’s really great to see my husband get excited about it, too. It’s another side to him I’ve been able to know and I think it has really added more depth to our marriage.

Anyway, that’s my positive pregnancy experience. I’ll let you know how the labor goes! (And, by the way, I’ve never been a maternal, gishy-over-babies person. )

8

Wierd Pregnancy symptoms:

Nose of a bloodhound. I smelled things I never would have been able to smell before I was pregnant.

My fridge smelled like penicillin. My skin (TMI?) reeked of garlic and peanut butter. My plastic cups smelled like candy. Tim’s sour cream and onion potato chips made me vomit and I still have an aversion to them. I couldn’t eat hummus for months.

Morning sickness was bad. Brushing my teeth made me throw up. Every single day.

My moles increased in size. They are shrinking now.

Gaining weight:

I only gained 25 pounds and have nary a stretchmark. Genetics has a lot to do with how much weight you gain, how you carry it, and whether you get stretch marks.

Labor:

Not so bad. 20 hours of prodromal labor, which were really moderate, annoying, but unpainful cramps. 1.5 hours of hard labor. No drugs, no tearing, 5 pushes. Seriously. Was a piece of cake, no screaming, t.v. labor theatrics. Don’t let people scare you. You may have a hard labor and you may not. Don’t freak out beforehand.

After birth:

A nurse must push blood out of your uterus. It hurts like the dickens.

Hemmerroids. Dear lord, no one told me about them. Be sure to have some help after you give birth.

Hedra should be along soon to give you some great advice.

9

Wow - thank you moms! I feel substantially better about this already after reading your experiences.

I have always thought I’ve wanted children, but was scared (and naive possibly) about everything that it entailed. I’m sure it won’t be as bad as I think now :slight_smile:

10

**Another Long Winded Post Brought To You By the Mental ExLax: Shirley Ujest **

Having grown up listening to women talk about pregnancy, labor and other assorted horror stories,I was pretty sure of two things:

  1. It was the worst experience in life a woman had to go through.

  2. If it was truly that bad, then women would never have a second child.

(and three: Women in clusters tend to start competing for the worst pregnancy and labor stories. It is a round-robin of misery, really. Frightening.)

So, that said:

I had two very easy, uncomplicated pregnancies. From the moment of conception on until the day after delivery with both kids, my sinuses were stuffed the entire time. I felt like Darth Vader. (With #1 I martyred it out. With #2 I got a prescription to help me breath. Yeah, Claritin. Momma didn’t raise me to be a martyr and neither did your mama. Medication is available to alleviate a great deal of the situations that crop up and they will not deform your child or cause lower SAT scores. Use common sense.)

Labor Let me be the first to tell you: Labor pains are at first alot like cramps. Low in the ab, then along the sides of your belly. Your belly will get hard as the muscles contract. How bad your pain is all depends on your tolerance for pain. According to the nurses both times, I have an exceptionally high tolerance for pain. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I anticipated.

Pushing is exactly like pooping. Those are the muscles and breathing/bearing down you use to get out the constipated poops. When you pant, what that does is a) distract you from the situation and diffuses the pain and b) slow the delivery down as the doctor/midwife/doula/catcher makes adjustments down there ( stretching your perineum or the arrival of the shoulders, yeah, what fun.)
**Drugs ** There is a huge militant organization of Moms out there who are against using medication to control the pain during delivery. *It’ll hurt the baaaaaby…It’ll make the baaaaaby sleeepy… * Whatever. I guaran-goddamn- tee you, one day/night you will be desperate to get your precious baby/toddler to sleep and give them benedryl. This is referred to as " Better Parenting Through Pharmacology."

Review your pain med options, they are wonderful. I highly recommend an epidural, mention my name :slight_smile:
Pregnancy can be a wonderful time or it can be an awful time, and I believe alot of women ( especially in this pampered princess age) just go into it with a " well, this is going to suck " attitude, and it does for them, and really, nothing is wrong with them. They are either under-informed or over-informed and paranoid. Try to find the balance.

I pretty much expected every horror story out there to happen to me: morning sickness for 10 months, blow up like a parade float, bed rest, 97 hour labor with the baby coming out side ways. Y’know, a compliation of everyone’s greatest maladies. And I got *none of it *. I am so grateful words escape me and leaves me in tears of thankfulness.

Labor is possibly the most empowering moment of your life. You are in control of bring this little human being into this world, taking it one breath, one contraction at a time. There will be pain, but it will be a good pain. A pain that is bearable. *A pain that will end *.

And you know what, after that little, squirming, crying, wrinkled baby is bundled into your arms, *the memory of the pain starts to fade. *. My baby is 3.5 and I have to really think about the labors I’ve been through, but that is just me, YMMV.
In contusion, RELAX. Enjoy the red hot monkey lovin’ you get right now. Enjoy this aspect of your life to the fullest because one day, when the kids are all gooey, sticky and crying, you can go back to How It Use To Be in the playground between your ears. When you are ready, and you become pregnant, it will be one of the coolest parts of your life. You will be the center of the Universe.

Then the baby comes and you are yesterday’s newspaper, but there you go.

*Parenthood is a one way journey, through long, dusty roads, valleys of blurry nights and mountain peaks with spectacular views. It is all about the journey. A journey that involves not taking your parents or inlaws baggage, but starting out fresh with your own baggage. Frequent flyer miles come in the form of smiles, hugs and fistfuls of dandylions. It is the best job in the world. *

11

Oh, well, I was going to try to say some inspiring things, but then Shirley said them.

The only thing I will add is to COMPLETELY ignore everything you have ever seen on TV or in a movie about pregnancy and birth. They are all exaggerating for the sake of drama. Also ignore any horror stories for the same reason.

My own experience involved not one minute of nausea, a bit of a backache for a good deal of the time, and what somebody called the “granola” school of childbirth, which for me worked out just fine. I went to Lamaze classes for 6 weeks and religiously did all of the conditioning exercises every day. I required not one drop of any kind of pain medication. After each birth I was tired but exhilarated. [I had to kind of lay a guilt trip on my husband to get him to be my Lamaze coach (his mother had told him Horror Stories about The Agony), but afterwards, I once overheard him telling a new dad-to-be how great it was and how he should definitely be there!]

My experience, of course, is just mine, and Your Milage May Vary! I certainly wouldn’t look down on anyone who did need meds of some sort for whatever reason.

Sometimes people have good reasons not to have babies, but fear of having some agonizing experience should not be one of them. Just remember that some people just like to complain in order to get sympathy, or attention.

Oh, and the best shape I ever had was after the babies were born. I was very careful about not overeating, and I learned what exercises were good, so I started right in on those. Within a couple months, I was at the same weight I had been before, but I had – um – better boobs than I ever had before. Nursing uses up, I think a couple thousand calories a day. So you can eat more than you ever did before and lose weight at the same time.

12

Yeah, the memory of the pain fades really fast. My husband just looks at me in disbelief when I say that the first baby’s labor wasn’t so bad. (It really was fine, for the first 12 hours or so. After that, I got stuck at 8 cm for hours and hours and got tired. It was all downhill from there–but as it turned out, the baby was over 10 lbs. and turned over. She was not coming out the usual way.)

13

jellen,

I’ll give you another view. Don’t have kids if you don’t want to. It isn’t the pregnancy. That isn’t the scary part. Its actually raising them.

Its exhausting. Physically and emotionally. They are demending. If you are selfish enough to worry about gaining weight and not losing it, wait until your diet is nothing but leftover happy meals. (Though I agree that breastfeeding was the best diet ever, I’m thinking about getting a pump and trying to induce rather than actually dieting from now on). Plus, it is tearing out your heart and having it walk outside your body.

The pregnancy is the easy thing. Labor is a piece of cake compared to not being able to find your kid for twenty minutes because they crawled under the bed and fell asleep. Nine months of pregnancy is a breeze compared to the two to three years that elapse before you string together eight hours of sleep or when the whole family has the flu at the same time (cleaning vomit out of a bed is never fun, doing it while you yourself are convinced you are about to die makes it even more fun).

Not that mine aren’t worth it, and I’m very glad I have them. But, if you are ambivilent about them, think very very carefully. There is no return counter for children.

14

I’m eight months pregnant with my first right now. For most of the time, there were annoying symptoms to bitch and moan about - queasiness, peeing a lot, stuffy nose, and so on. Nothing at all that really interfered with my life. The second trimester was pretty damn good - nothing like having a high sex drive combined with zero worry about birth control!

Over the past month, it has been harder to move around. The worst thing is an old back injury that’s been exacerbated by the pregnancy, but that is an unusual circumstance. I’ll admit that the “practice” contractions I’m having now are painful and bothersome, and I feel pretty ungainly and swollen. However, all of this is totally, completely, and in all ways worth it when I get to feel her moving around inside me. I really feel bad for my husband that he can’t experience this.

And I want to mention, I’m not at all granola, and don’t consider myself militant, but after reading The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer, I decided that the scientific research did not support the use of many typical birthing interventions, and that I am willing to try to bear the pain of labor without drugs, because of the risks an epidural introduces. That is my risk/benefit analysis, and I firmly believe that the only thing that is right for everyone to do is to research the issues themselves, and make the best decision they can for their situation.

15

Hedra always has awesome advice about everything so I will just tell a little story about me.

Oh and I want to say too that Dangerosa brings up an excellent point. Pregnancy is the easy part. The lifetime commitment afterwards and all the little daily things are the hard part. I knew kids looked up to their parents and tried to imitate them - I didn’t know this meant matching them bite for bite at dinner (mommy ate a carrot so I will… oh mommy had a sip of milk so I will now have a sip of milk… I never knew I was being so closely monitored until then!)

Pregnancy for me is awkward. I’m high risk because I have kidney disease. It still wasn’t that bad at all. I did do the bedrest thing at the end and will have it again in a few months (about 5 months along with number 2 now) In the grand scheme of my life it was a few weeks of reading time :slight_smile: The baby at the end was worth every boring second! I had a C section and will be having another. I wasn’t prepared the first time but it was not as bad as I feared. Recovery is different for everyone but I was surprised at how well I did.

I passionately wanted my children. I love my daughter dearly and am so excited about the little boy on the way! I also have days when I wonder why I signed up for such massive responsibility. Have them for you because you want to parent a child and help them grow into an adult. Look forward to all stages in their lives… they stop being cute faster than you think! Don’t have them because it is expected or because your fiance wants them.

Good luck no matter what you decide!

16

On the minus side: Feeling torn between work and family. Yes, we can have it all. But like the lady said, we can’t have it all on the same day.

Your squeamishness level will almost instantly decrease after pregnancy. (For the truly squeamish, this might be a good thing.) Not only will you change dirty diapers and clean up vomit with aplomb, you will be able to discuss stretchmarks, episiotomies, and sex-after-the-baby with near-total strangers without blushing.
On the plus side: No one tells you how much fun it is to raise your kids and watch them turn into…well…people. Civilized people, with minds of their own and some of the wildest, funniest ideas you’ve ever heard. Kids enjoy life so much, and through their eyes you enjoy it too.

Also, the passion of a mother for her new baby and his well-being (flashing back to a memory of swatting flies and muttering “DON’T even THINK about getting near my baby!”) is one of the most intense feelings a woman can experience. For me it was every bit as intense as falling in love, which it is in a way.

I could list tons more on either side of the question. I guess my best advice would be for you to look very carefully at what you really want in life, and what you are willing to sacrifice to get it.

17

I loved and adored being pregnant. Easy first trimester - a bit of nausea but no actual barfing. Second trimester I was full of bounching good health and I felt cute! The sciatica sucked though. By the third trimester I slowed down a lot, but I found it was a mental slowing as much as a physical one. I remember it as a very dreamy inward-turned time, when I spent hours in the baby’s nursery with my hands on my belly.

In all honesty pregnancy and parenting isn’t for everyone. I know a number of moms who hate the process but love the results of being pregnant. It is hard to explain what it is like to be a mom. It is tough - tougher than you can possibly imagine. Somehow though I don’t care. I can be completely butt-draggin’ tired in the morning, but I see my 10 month old’s smiling face and it is such a thrill. I thank all the gods when she finally goes down for a nap but then find myself impatient for her to hurry up and wake so I can hang out with her more after a few hours. Parenting is a tremendous paradox in so many ways, and so wonderful.

I’m a full-time working mom and my husband is a stay-at-home-dad by choice. I don’t feel that sense of being torn by my responsibilities at work and home, but in that I think I’m atypical, and I think it is important to think of that aspect if you are planning to have children and continue to work.

Seriously though, pregnancy is the easy part. You know where they are, don’t have to get them to eat, don’t have to get them to sleep and they are super-portable.

Sorry if I rambled a bit - long day…

Twiddle

18

Lots of good advice/anecdotes already. I’ll share my experience, having had one baby and being approximately 6 weeks pregnant with the second.

Pregnancy was an overall positive experience for me. I liked wearing the cute maternity clothes, for one thing, and I never had morning sickness or horrible food aversions. (I did have a slight aversion to fish, though, interestingly.)

During my pregnancy I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. While some people might consider that a major drawback, I consider it to have saved my life – if not immediately, then at least in the long run. First of all, it forced me to eat better and get a lot of exercise. I did more power walking in my last trimester of pregnancy than I’d done in probably my entire life. I only gained 20 pounds, and after I gave birth, it all came off immediately, plus about 15 more. 17 months later, I’ve lost 40 pounds beyond my PRE-pregnancy weight.

Also, my diabetes didn’t go away after the pregnancy, meaning it was probably there but undiagnosed before I got pregnant. So pregnancy revealed it, which allowed me to treat it, which definitely added years onto my life. I will be ever thankful that I’m not one of the people who has undiagnosed diabetes for years and then one day suddenly I’m peeing all the time and my blood sugar is 450.

I had the regular pregnancy aches and pains, but they didn’t bug me too much, probably because of all the exercise I was doing. It really does help.

Labor sucked a lot, although it wasn’t the worst pain I’ve ever experienced (the award for that would have to go to my wisdom tooth extraction). After 10 hours of back labor, I requested an epidural, and after another 14 hours during which the baby did not descend at all, I had a C-section, which revealed that Whatsit Jr. was transverse, and also had the cord wrapped around him three times. So I consider my C-section to have been fully necessary. The recovery wasn’t bad, I felt myself again after a couple of weeks, and all in all I’d have to say that pregnancy and birth were both very positive experiences.

Nothing in the world can prepare you for the moment when you first hear your child cry.

19

I’ve never given birth but I would say after the labour is over, I would still have the same fear I had before the pregnancy - am I going to be a good enough mother to this kid?

Probably why I only have dogs, horses and alone right now. LOL.

20

Semi-immobile? I was crawling around in my husband’s Civic hatchback, cleaning it out, ON MY DUE DATE. And I had a 9-pound-plus baby (five days later). It’s unusual for a woman to be put on bedrest, and most of the many pregnant women I’ve known have gotten around fine, all nine months

Pregnancy is both weird and cool. There are so many changes to your body, besides the obvious ones. Your joints loosen, your sense of smell changes, your hair gets shinier (and might change color!)… the list is endless. I found it more interesting than scary or bothersome.

Also, people smile at you. A lot.

Pregnancy was fine, even though I had no attention span, gained a lot of weight, and felt pretty nauseous for longer than most women. I’d even consider carrying someone else’s baby as a surrogate. It was just that damned neat.