Approximately how much would it cost to get a monkey on the black market?


Why on the black market? I was just reading the other day about how it’s legal (in the U.S., at least) to own a monkey or chimp.

According to this site:
a live macaque goes for about $30-$40.

Only 40 bucks? Holy shit!! That’s less than a bag of- uh, groceries. Anybody know what macaques eat?


Fruits, I think.

Train him to butler.


Aware of Vacuity is currently available under a mountain somewhere between China and India. You can tell which mountain by the iron plate at the top. You’ll probably want a nice hat to keep him warm/by your side. Watch out for his cudgel, it can get you into trouble. Enjoy your walk!

But make sure to not have him be too hard on old Pigsy, because, after all, he is put there to help you. Sometimes monkey acts first and asks questions only after the Boddhisativa reminds him to.

Why did the Boddidarma come from the West?

to get to the other side


Nope, it is a grey market. Illegal, but nearly unenforceable. Most species cost about a grand and up, even macacques. Much more for an ape, or an unusual endangered species (tamarinds, for example). The 40$ IPPL likely refers to either overseas purchases, or the price paid by a US wholesaler who picks em up from, say, a lab or university when the testing is done. There are some facilities run by “breeders”, but that’s where their stock comes from anyway. These wondrous folk are generally of the mouth-breathing yokel type with Tonya Harding pix on the walls of the double-wide, and a coloring book on how to pronounce scientific names of simians. To some extent, the market is also fueled by zoo excess; they want to keep producing baby primates for the zoo visitors, and possibly for the mental well-being of the critters themselves, but can only keep so many. The hidden cost of having baby animals at the zoo; see a neat article in the San Jose Mercury News last year.

BTW, in general, only an idiot would own a primate - especially macacques - due to the risk of diseases such as simian B et al. The original rules against monkey trading, set by CDC in 1974, were brought on at Congressional request after an outbreak of a particularly virulent salmonella which was from chimpanzees.

I’d also be rather careful about getting a monkey on the grey/black market. Last you want to get is a monkey from a shipment halted due to a viral outbreak of something god-awful from africa or SE asia. (cough cough recent ebola outbreak in africa! I’m not sure what species of monkey can act as a carrier but considering the human response to hemmoragic viruses I’d reccomend trying to get one either from a breeder or from a zoo or something).

“Bad monkey, don’t bite! Don’t, aarrgh.” Hrrm time to walk to the hospital and try to bleed on as many people as possible