About a month ago, I lost an uncle. He was married to one of my father’s sisters and was found in the house with a stroke. He’d been the full time caretaker of my aunt, who has frontal lobe dementia. My cousins had tried to get him to have my aunt put in a nursing home, since she no longer can recognize anyone, and they were afraid of just this sort of thing happening, where he would fall or have a stroke and she wouldn’t know what to do. Anyway, he died. He wasn’t a well-liked man (outside of his immediate family, I suppose), but he was very good to my aunt, whose downhill slide has gone on for about 7 years.
A few days later we got word that my nephew was in a vehicle roll-over in Afghanistan. He fractured his neck, but with surgery and great care, he will be okay. Still, a traumatic thing for the family - he’s only 21.
Almost two weeks ago, my oldest dog had to be put to sleep. He had spinal arthritis, suffered a collapse and couldn’t stand on his own any more. It was heartbreaking, but it was time.
9 days ago while my cousin and his wife were at work and my aunt (from above) was with a fulltime aide, my aunt fell and broke her neck. She refused nutrition and the doctors have said she might live two weeks. My poor cousins. Although they lost her a long time ago in a very real sense, to have both parents die separately within a month’s time is very hard. And I didn’t even know if I could wish that she’d start eating - she had no mind, her neck was broken (although I saw that isn’t necessarily a huge impediment in the case of my nephew), and she’d lost her companion of 50 years. She died yesterday.
And last week I found out my brother has prostate cancer and is being stupid about treatment. Apparently he has gotten it into his mind that my father’s lung cancer became more active and aggressive after he had the biopsy down, and so doesn’t want to have any surgical intervention. That’s stupid - our father had non-small-cell lung cancer that was already affecting his health before the biopsy. it was in a spot where there was no surgical option and he lived for 18 months after his diagnosis. The biopsy had nothing to do with it.
Even Downtown Abbey doesn’t have this much tragedy in a short period! This has to stop! I can’t take a major event every week.
StG., I totally empathsize with you. I’ve had a lot of tragedy in the past 3 months. If someone told me I was whining, I’d give them 2 words that aren’t “let’s dance.” You are in the midst of some heavy duty stuff and you are not whining. Allow yourself the emotions. If you have to have cheese, may I suggest a nice baked Brie. I’m happy to share.
I don’t see any whining from any of you guys (purple included); it’s only whining if it’s about stupid stuff and none of this counts. I’ll also add my request that the universe go gentler on you and anyone else who needs it lately.
Second, I’ve got some bad news for you. The older you get, the worse it gets. For lots of reasons. Mostly because everyone you know is also getting older.
StG, I am so sorry you have had so much tragedy, in such a short time. You haven’t had time to process one before another shows up! Be good to yourself, stress is cumulative.
Please stop thinking that the glass is half empty. Yes, these are all Really Crappy things to happen and yes it might seem like the Universe is ganging up on you.
Instead, ask yourself why the Supreme and Divine Powers that Be that are trying to get you… keep missing so badly! Should you perhaps find some shirt with an “S” on it beneath your family homestead and smite these despicable foes, perhaps you’ll remember me?
…and Lord of Australia does have a nice ring to it…
PS- I am very sorry for all of your losses, but for 0.2 seconds, you Actually Smiled…
If you’d like, I’ll send you some virtual rum to pour into your virtual tea/Coke.
You aren’t whining, btw. Whining is when I complain about how I have to work five days this week and I got a paper cut this morning. What you’re doing is justified complaining, and even if that doesn’t do any good in the sense of changing anything, if it helps even a tiny bit for you to get it out, I’m all for it. I’ll be here hoping that you get a run of awesome good things soon. It won’t balance out this heaping pile of awful, but you deserve at least a little break.
Things are hitting you and your family from several directions at once. Apart from the immediate shock, you must also be feeling that you can’t let your guard down because some other horrible thing is likely to happen soon.
Take care of yourself. You’re under a lot of stress right now, which isn’t good for you. Try to get enough rest, avoid more stress where possible, seek out things that help you feel better (like exercise, music, pets. . .), don’t be afraid to lean on friends.
The situation with your brother is frustrating, especially in light of everything else that’s happened, but you probably can’t do anything about it. I assume you’ve told him what you think. It might be best to leave it at that, at least for the time being. Prostate cancer usually progresses slowly, so it might not be a disaster if he takes a while to change his mind.
Dear St Germain, I am sorry that all of this is coming down on you all at once. Stay healthy, Drink your tea/coke get the correct amount of sleep. Not too much, and not too little. You are going to be OK! You will make it through this trying time. I am not a hugging person, but here you go! A big one for you.
It is OK to cry now and again. This is one of those times! Leaning on good friends is going to help you through this troubling time. It will hurt for a long time, but you will get to the point that you will be OK. Trust me on this! I am pulling for you! 48.
