Jeebus Jumping Christ on a cracker! I would absolutely hate to be this guy’s CO. This also makes me glad I never joined the military; I probably would have been Skippy’s enabler. Poor guy is smart and mischievous, which is probably a bad combination for the military. If he’s lucky, someone will get his butt transferred to someplace where his creativity is useful, but I have a feeling he’ll just get reprimanded often.
“Sir, may I ask why Calvin Ball is not an acceptable PT activity?”
Inigo, there are some that get it, and some that don’t. I’d venture to say that those that don’t get it, don’t fully appreciate the macabre humor we military guys have.
That being said,
"My girl’s a vegetable,
She lives in a hospital.
I’d buy her anything,
to keep her alive, yeah!
One day, I pulled the joke,
I pulled the plug and watched her choke,
but I’d buy her anything
to keep her alive, yeah!"
-or-
"Your left, your right, your left, your right, your left, your right to kill!
Your left, your right, your left, your right, your left, your right to kill!
I went to the pool,
where all the kiddies swim.
I plugged in a toaster,
and then I kicked it in!
Your left, your right, your left, your right, your left, your right to kill!
Your left, your right, your left, your right, your left, your right to kill!"
To those that think we’re sick for singing songs like that . . . the hell with you. We do have a morbid sense of humor. But we’ve earned it.
Tripler
I’ve learned dirty, and I’ve shared it. Happily. And it brought my flight together, thankyouverymuch.
Courtesy Mr. Pansy, USMC circa 1974, Naples:
Navy, Navy, don’t feel blue
The Army and the Air Force
Are fucked up too
Apparently, Navy Captains objected quite strongly. And some AF officer who was just wandering by, too. 
My dad was in the military (air force, who served a cross group tour in the army 82nd Airborne) and he used to sing the cadences for us kids (obviously, the clean ones):
C130 goin down the strip
Air Force Daddy going to take a little trip (wait, he might have just sang Daddy for us? Ha, I don’t know!)
Stand up sit down shuffle to the door
Jump on out and count to four
If that chute don’t open wide
I’ve got another one by my side
If that chute don’t open too
Tell St. Peter I’m a comin’ thru
Tell the sarge I’ve done my best
And bury me in the leanin’ rest (As a child, dad explained this was push up position, also don’t know if it’s true!)
Some people need to chill out and be reminded that singing a song about something is not the same as doing it, or even agreeing with it. As unpleasant as it sounds, the armed forces are full of people trained to kill :eek: Someone else here might talk about the necessity of indoctrination.
My favourite would be Napalm Sticks to Kids.
C130 heading down the strip
Airborne soldier on a top secret trip
Mission top secret destination unknown
We don’t know if where coming home
Stand up hook up and shuffle to the door
Jump on out and count to four
If my first chute don’t open wide
I’ve got a reserve by my side
If that one should fail me too
Look out below I am coming through
Pin my medals upon my chest
Bury me in the front lean and rest
They say that in the Army the chow is mighty fine
A chicken jumped off the table and killed a friend of mine
O lord I wanna go home but the drills won’t let me goooooo hey
They say that in the army the pay is mighty fine
they pay me 100 dollars and take back 99
O lord I wanna go home but the drills won’t let me goooooo hey
they say that in the army the women are mighty fine
they look like phylis diller and march like Frankenstien.
O lord I wanna go home but the drills won’t let me goooooo hey
See that lady dressed in black
She made her living on her back
See that lady dressed in blue
She made her living that way too
See that lady dressed in red
She made her living giving head
See that commie dressed in black
I knifed him in his fuckinh back
See that commie dressed in blue
I needed to kill that one too
See that commie dressed in red
I shot him in his fucking head.
Ahh the glory of cadence, we had some foul ones in my day, I went to a graduation from bootcamp a few years ago in Ft. Knox and couldn’t believe the “clean” cadence they seem to do now.
Of course I cannot remember many of my cadence songs from my youth but I recall a real dirty one with a woman in the tub, coming home and shooting someone oh heck the mind fades fast.
That C130 one…we MI types knew we had it good…
747 rolling down the strip
MI daddy on a TDY trip
Sit down buckle in order up a drink
Say "Hey stewardess what do you think!?
What do you think about you and I
Joining a club they call Mile High?
Mile High is a club renowned
For rockin’ and rollin’ above the ground!
We had a female drill sergent. She hardly ever spoke (she was quite an effective visual communicator) so it wasn’t until maybe 2 weeks into Basic that she let us hear her for the first time:
Roll me over, in the clover,
Put your belly next to mine
drive it on down the line
When he gave me inch one, I said Boy this is fun
When he gave me inches two, he said this one’s for you
etc…on up to 12!
She had a sweet voice. She owned us for the next 6 weeks.
Little bird with a yellow bill
Perching on my window sill
Lured him in with crumbs of bread.
They I crushed his little head.
The moral of the story told,
one I learned at six years old;
if you want a little head
you’ve got to have a little bread.
Thank you! Rather then hijack this thread I outta start another one with all my one/two liners so people can help me remember the rest.
And thanks Inigo Montoya now I am sitting here working while singing all these old forgotten songs in my head, if they escape my lips some co-workers will get quite offended. 
[hijack]About 20 years ago, my family and I were attending a church dance/talent show. They needed a few impromptu performances (jokes, recitals, etc) while some of the acts got set up on stage. My then-five-year-old sister climbed the stage and began to sweetly recite:
“Sweet little bird with the yellow bill
Perched upon my windowsill”
(The audience was smiling and saying "Awww!!! My mom was burying her face in her hands–she knew the poem!)
“I lured him close with crumbs of bread”
(And at this point, her whole demeanor changed and she gleefully mimed the actions along with this last line.)
“Then I SLAMMED the window and SMASHED his head!!!”
The stunned surpise of the audience quickly gave way to roars of laughter.
In about three years, when her daughter is about that same age, and she is burying her face in her hands, I’m going to remind her about this![/hijack]
Funny, that’s a late night drunken fraternity song to me… slightly different lyrics though.
Momma told Sally not to go down town,
Too many <fraternity name>‘s hanging around,
Sally got the itch so she went on down,
Came back later with the pleasures found,
Three months later all was well
Six months later she began to swell
Nine months later out he came
Bad ass <fraternity name> swingin’ a chain!
The women present when we belt it out don’t find it quite as amusing though… don’t know why!
-Butler
(Fraternity name, rather than mine inserted as I’ve heard it sung by many different groups… and to protect the “innocent” )
I suppose that it makes me a horrible, bad person that the “Napalm Sticks To Kids” cadence made me giggle like a schoolgirl again
Oh, brilliant.
I’m with the rest of the VETS here… (assuming the ones that I’m speaking of are vets also). Some of my best memories are the cadences that we sounded off to as we marched or ran. To the folks that are offended by them, remember that we (at that time ) were basically trained to kill, survive and … um, kill. It was/is a job that many people have done.
They’re in jest, in humor and in the invincibility of the mind of the young soldier.
We’re not talking about the dodgeball team here! I’d love to hear more…I’ll start this easy one;
“Mama, mama can’t you see…”
-KN
PS… I know there are a TON of variants.
S
I’ve wondered about this one - can anyone tell me who or what Jake is?
Caller: Ding dong, yo mama don’t wear no drawers.
Platoon: Ding dong.
Caller: I was there when she took em off.
Platoon: Ding dong.
Caller: Took em off and threw em in the air.
Platoon: Ding dong.
Caller: Now I can’t breath no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.
Caller: Took em off and threw em in the trees.
Platoon: Ding dong.
Caller: Now the little birdies don’t sing no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.
Caller: Took em off and threw em in my car.
Platoon: Ding dong.
Caller: Now the engine don’t run no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.
Caller: Took em off and threw em in the lake.
Platoon: Ding dong.
Caller: Now the little fishies don’t swim no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.
Caller: Took em off and threw em on my head.
Platoon: Ding dong.
Caller: Now my dann hair don’t grow no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.
Caller: Took em off and threw em at the wall.
Platoon: Ding dong.
Caller: Now the paint don’t stick no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.
Caller: Took em off and threw em on the ground.
Platoon: Ding dong.
Caller: Now the grass don’t grow no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.
Caller: Took em off and threw em at my balls.
Platoon: Ding dong.
Caller: Now I can’t get laid no more.
Platoon: Ding dong.
my favorite is the old "youre in the army now " one …
You revived an eleven-year old thread for that?
So many good ones
I retired 2018 and the good ones were all banned
The government PC machine rolls along
My personal favorite I learned in PLDC at Camp Jackson South Korea
See the church see the steeple
See the pews and all the people
With a kick of the stock
They drop like a rock
Walking in a sniper wonderland
See the man in the Kevlar
I focus in on his butter bar
I give the trigger a squeeze
He drops to his knees
Walking in a sniper wonderland
1-2-3-4
You can’t count to 5
1-2-3-4
Cause your brain is fried
On crack and dope and all that shit you smoke
Crack baby
Way up north where the air gets cold
We’re running out of money and we’re running out of gold
So now I earn my living
Killing the baby seals
You can roast em, toast em, roto till em
Kick em in the head and make em squeal
Thats how I earn a living
Killing the baby seals
Late at night I went out walkin
Underneath the northern lights
I saw a baby seal sleepin
I violated his animal rights
You can hit em with a bat you can hit em with a brick
You can poke `em in th eye with your eye pokin stick
That’s how I earn my living
Killing the baby seals
Late at night I went out fishin
And that Polar Bear was wishin
That he could have my baby seal
Cause baby seal makes a real good meal
You can slash em in the head you can slash em in the throat
Then throw `em in the back of your fishing boat
That’s how I earn my living
Killing the baby seals.
My wife and kids they hate me
The Army they just won’t take me
Just because I earn my living
Killing the baby seals