All day long I’va had this Army cadence running through my head. It makes me giggle spontaneously, but I will not explain myself–my friends would not understand.
But I’ll share here. This is a cadence that works well for quick time or double time. But use it sparingly and NOT within earshot of the brass. To the tune of “The Candy Man Can”
Who can take a puppy
grab it by the ears
smack it 'gainst the wall and count the little puppy tears?
The S & M Man. The S & M Man because it takes a lot of love to make the hurting feel good.
When I went to basic, we had some pretty tame ones. The only one I can remember that could even remotely consider close is one about a little bird sitting on a window sill. That’s all I can remember, but it was lame though.
I remember several cadence calls that were very, very bad. Somehow, I don’t think they’d go over at all well on the SDMB. (For starters, note above posts)
Maybe you just had to be there; catch the ambiance and alla that.
During my last few months at NATTC Memphis in the spring of '80 all the students had to pass in review for the CO once a month. We joined the fucking navy so we wouldn’t have to do this marching around shit. Our barracks unit had a couple of hundred guys and someone started softly chanting and pretty soon everyone picked it up and it got louder and louder. “oh-wee-oh, wee-ohhhh-ohhhh.” The guard’s chant from The Wizard of Oz. It made us feel a bit better about our task until the barracks chief came running back screaming that he was going to tear us all new assholes if we didn’t shut the fuck up. I don’t remember being in any serious trouble over it so we all felt pretty good about pissing everyone off so much.
Your example reminds me of my childhood, in that we had all sorts of “bad” songs we used to sing. (In another thread I posted the Suffocation song lyrics, which others seemed to know as well.)
The version of the S&M Man that my friends and I knew was:
Who can take a bicycle?
Take off the seat?
And make a…
You know what? I just realized I was in happy huggles land. Better not to finish the lyric, IMO.
Y’know, I recognize that they’re bad (I didn’t put the other verses in there for a reason!). But one thing that has always facinated me about the military is the grisly morgue humor that runs pretty much throughout the working-class ranks. Most of it does fall under the heading, “You had to be there,” and I can see how it would be difficult not to judge someone who thinks the words are funny. I think the humor just lies in the “wrongness” of it all, especially considering most of the folks you work with day to day are decent puppy-owning people who clearly would not enjoy acting out the cadences they snicker at when they’re at work. That, and humor is probably your best enemy against the psychological horror (horror? well, at least it’s a lot different from happy huggles land I recall from 3rd grade) that is the warzone and the job of the government-sponsored killer.
That “bad” humor crosses all kinds of lines (homophobia, misogyny, cannibalism…) and is perpetrated by some of the kindest and best people I’ve ever met. The contrast is interesting. True, there are some real buttheads, both in and out of the military, who actually do get off on torture and mutilation but they are universally regarded as psychopaths. I’m nuts, but I’m not one of those.
Caller: “My son got hit by a mortar round”
Formation: “Dooh dah, Dooh dah”
Caller: “There’s bits of him that’ll never be found”
Formation: “Oh, Dooh dah day, Momma don’t you stress, your son’s a bloody mess, we’ll send him home in a body bag, oh, Dooh dah day”
I got in serious trouble at work discussing antipersonnel boobietraps with another military brat/military spouse. We had both just seen the remake of night of the dead and were discussing finding outselves barracaded into a lonely farmhouse.
Some stupid twat not in our private office was apparently evesdropping outside and got her panties in a bunch. I think the ‘hardest’ boobytrap we discussed was that swinging paintcan thing from the home alone movies. We were discussing using it to slow down the zombies to make it easier to blow their heads off.
The shrink was exmarine, and thought it was distressing that someone would be so twitchy that discussing a movie beng treated as a what-if situation upset her. We had a lovely discussion about boobie traps and home made explosive and antipersonnel devices. He didnt know about recuring fiberglass with sulfuric acid to make a nice concertina substitute. I got some nice tips on setting up enfillade situations=)
Her momma said, “baby, don’t you go into town,
there’s too many paratroopers hangin’ around.”
She didn’t listen and she went anyway
Didn’t come home ‘til the very next day
Three months later all was well
Six months later she began to swell
Nine months later out he came
Ass-kickin’ paratrooper swingin’ a chain
As an ex-airforce brat and ex-cadet, these all make me giggle. Even the puppy one. And I’m a hardcore puppy lover, to the extent that even talking about hurting a puppy (normally) will upset me. But that’s just funny in the context of a marching cadence.
One of my favourites was always this one (apologies for length):
Johnny joined the airforce coz he liked the uniform.
Johnny joined the airforce coz he liked the uniform.
Johnny joined the airforce coz he liked the uniform,
And he ain’t gonna jump no mo-o-ore.
*Glory, glory what a helluva way to die.
Glory, glory what a helluva way to die.
Glory, glory what a helluva way to die,
And he ain’t gonna jump no mo-o-ore.
He bailed out of a tigermoth at 40,000 feet. repeat x2
And he ain’t gonna jump no mo-o-ore.
He remembered to pack the parachute, but forgot to pack the strings. Repeat x2
And he ain’t gonna jump no mo-o-ore.
Repeat Chorus
He landed on the tarmac like a blob of rasp’bry jam. repeat x2
And he ain’t gonna jump no mo-o-ore.
They scraped him off the tarmac with a bread and butter knife. repeat x2
And he ain’t gonna jump no mo-o-ore.
Repeat Chorus
They packed him in a jam jar and they sent him home to mum. repeat x2
And he ain’t gonna jump no mo-o-ore.
She put him on the mantlepiece for all his friends to see. repeat x2
And he ain’t gonna jump no mo-o-ore.
