“I grant you three wishes.”
This one is a double whammy 'cause if you say ‘No’, you’re in trouble. If you lie and say ‘Yes’, it won’t work and you are in trouble. Unless you can pull out sworn affidavits and receipts from the Post Office any answer will go badly for you.
A pool table.
Bonus points for the otherwise forgettable FLETCH LIVES, where the great Hal Holbrook interrupts Chevy Chase.
*“I synchronized my beloved Laker watch with Miss Culpepper’s Timex. If I don’t join her at the ministry in 10 minutes, the whole ugly story goes out on the Farnsworth Network. Of course, it’s cable, but…”
“You’re bluffing, Fletch.”
“No, I’m not.”
“You think you’re not, but you are.”*
…and reveals she has of course been right there in the room with 'em all along.
You hear a strange groaning, wheezing noise come out of nowhere. As it gets louder, and louder, and louder, a small blue phone-booth sized object with the words “Police Call Box” written on it appears from nowhere. When the groaning stops, a door on the “Police Box” opens, and out steps an eccentric looking man and a comely young female. “Hello,” the man says to you. “I’m the Doctor…”
OR
Renouned middle-brow murder mystery novelist Jessica Fletcher comes to your town to do a book reading…
OR
Your drinking buddy from the local pub pops by right in the middle of the day to tell you that he’s an alien doing undercover research on planet Earth for an intergalactic travel guide. To prove it, he produces his copy of the current edition of the book - which has the words “DON’T PANIC!” emblazoned on the cover in large, friendly letters.
They got worse and worse, but the first novel, Fletch, had the best ending of any novel in history. 
The white-coated scientist/drug company official/government spokesman holds a news conference to assure the public that the newly developed vaccine/genetically modified virus/drug etc. is perfectly harmless.
The birds, crickets, frogs, etc., suddenly stop making noise. All of them. At once.
Some damn Norwegian is running after a dog in the snow.
The meteorite cracks open and there’s a blob of stuff inside.
You’ve got a bad feeling about this.
You help a lady with a kid in a stroller up the stairs.
Jim Cantore of the WEATHER CHANNEL comes to town.
That would set my Mom senses tingling. And give me flashbacks of Kindergarten Fire Safety Week.
Hey, I wanted to say that. How about -
“I wonder what this button does?”
“This’ll save time.”
“We got bored.”
“If we can get this back to civilization, we’ll be rich!!”
Equiping a robot with a gun.
I just retired and that last week was horrible. I kept thinking, “Please let don’t let me die before I retire!”
Or any clowns, really.
If I were in charge of calling people to tell them they won the lottery, I would TOTALLY call them at 2 AM!
Or when your computer starts to become self-aware.
“I know a shortcut.”
YES!
Gazing longingly at a picture of your wife/husband/child. Especially dangerous if the picture(s) are in a locket. And if combined with this:
Then it’s a virtual death sentence.
You discover a human-sized pod.
The dog starts barking for no apparent reason.
Your husband’s boss is coming for dinner and you burn the roast.
You’re out drinking with your buddies, complaining about something trivial, and one of your buddies says “Hey, I know a guy…”
You know someone who everyone describes as “quiet, keeps to himself, never made trouble.”
It’s quiet…
Too damn quiet.
Similarly, any road that does not show up on the map, but goes in the direction you want to travel. Why do people take these roads? They left it off the map for a reason!!!
Also any town or village that only has one main road/bridge/tunnel in or out.
An uncharted island appears.